You are currently browsing posts tagged with Zhang Zhiyi

Someone Please Throw a Tofu Pie at That Thing

March 28th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen
Zhang Zhiyi at the Salvatore Ferragamo 80th anniversary party in Shanghai


Ni hao, bitches! PETA can get all up in my grill for wearing this, but, I’m sorry, I’d rather wear my IKEA rug on the red carpet than be naked…brrrr!”

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Just Wondering…

March 19th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Dear Christina Aguilera,

Kind of a weird question for you: You aren’t… no… I mean… It just seems like… kinda you’re slowly morphing your look into… no…this isn’t an accusasian or anything but… no…you wouldn’t be doing that… would you?

Would you?

Would you?

Just curious,
Diana

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A Wookie Mistake

October 22nd, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen
Zhang Zhiyi and a flea-bitten Furball


Fendi held the first-ever fashion show on the Great Wall of China and many celebutards were in attendance, including Zhang Zhiyi, Miss Universe Riyo Mori, Thandie Newton, and Kate Bosworth. Greenie, who happened to be traveling through China at the same time on a quest for the perfect soup dumpling, attended the fete and reported that Kate Bosworth mistakenly thought the show was a costume party and came as “an albino wookie.”


Bosworth, squirming with embarrassment and experiencing hot flashes under all that wookie fur, tried to flee the scene as soon as the lights came down, but found that the Great Wall of China, as it turns out, is, in fact, quite long and difficult to run away from, even in the comfiest of Louboutins.

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Thanks GG!

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Knoxvillin’ the Boots

July 10th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

When I first saw this picture (on one of those icky celebrity gossip blogs ) of recently-split Johnny Knoxville and his gorge new girlfriend, I quickly wrote the post in my head:

“Keep your distance, oh beautiful ballet-slippered woman! Johnny Knoxville may be a tasty piece of flesh, but that beast might still be crawling with bugs from Jessica Simpson. YEESH!”

And then I scrolled down and read a few of the comments:

ExCUUUSE ME?! What is this “for an asian girl she’s not bad looking” shit? I have seen and heard this comment before and I must say it blows my mind every time.

And my girls agree:

“I’m not pretty? I can take you down in one swift kick, cheesdick.”

“You don’t think I’m hot shit? I’d shoot off your scrotum, but you don’t have one.”

“No likey? I’ll slice your wanker off–Oh, too small to see!”

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No One Holds a Kano to These Sisters

May 29th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen


Zhang Zhiyi’s new film The Banquet premiered in Tokyo yesterday. Poor Zhang looked as greazy as ever at the event. I wish the girl would send me her address so I could send over a lifetime supply of blotting papers.

The real stars attending the premiere were the Kano sisters, Japan’s answer to the Hilton sisters…or something.

Kyoko Kano

Mika Kano

My sincerest apologies if these photos give you nightmares.

But if you’re a fan of Japanese horror, read more about the Kano sisters on wikipedia.

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Welcome Back, Crazy

May 22nd, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Zhang Ziyi, oh pretty thing. I would never, EVER, EVER make a derogatory remark about Chanel Couture.

But somehow, on the Cannes red carpet, you make Chanel look as crazy and awkward as a giraffe dancing at a disco. Don’t you DARE call me random for making that remark. YOU’RE RANDOM! LOOK AT YOU!

I know what you’re thinking: Diana and Jen will never be happy. And perhaps you’re right.

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You Surprise Me, Zhang Zhiyi

May 15th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Diana and I have discussed at length why Zhang Zhiyi, star of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and Memoirs of a Disgreisha, a pretty girl to all intents and purposes, always winds up looking like ass. You may recall this post, which featured the Zhangster at last year’s Oscars, all dolled up in a window treatment:

Or this more recent post, where she showed to the Costume Institute gala in a giant, mesh shower sponge:


I was quite pleased, then, to see this photo taken from a Gucci-sponsored fundraiser for the New York Academy of Art last Thursday:

Sure, the satin shoes look like something my mother would wear for her annual Chinese choir concert, and let’s just say that, at some movie theaters, Moms qualifies for the senior citizen discount. And the Zhangster’s face is far too “dewy,” a problem that could be easily rectified. The same goes for those annoying forehead whiskers that we Asian girls are blessed with, which can be removed by any old, sadistic Chinese lady schooled in the art of threading, an ancient technique of winding thread around a stray hair and yanking as hard as fuck.

The dress is a nice color, if a bit boring, but at least it doesn’t look like something from the Bed, the Bath, or the Beyond.

Brava. For now.

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Giorgio Armani: Kiddie Porn Trafficker?

March 12th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

In Spain today, there was a brouhaha over some Armani Junior ads featuring little girls in bikinis that appeared on AJ’s ugly website. Government officials in Madrid are reviewing whether photos such as this one are pornographic:

Espana, Espana. You’re not seeing the forest for the trees.

You say you’re reviewing potential crimes against nature committed by Giorgio Armani? Then consider these, mis amigos:

1) Making an Otherwise Gorgeous Girl Look Butt-Ugly and Old

2) I Can’t Come Up with Anything Clever to Say About This Face But I’m Pretty Sure It Speaks for Itself

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