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Gimme An F! Gimme An I! Gimme An E! Gimme An R! Gimme A C…

June 29th, 2011 | 5 comments | Posted by Diana


As many of you know, I was a cheerleader in high school, and naturally have a soft spot for all things cheerleading. It’s dance, performance and sport in one package, guys. Can’t hate!

But I’ve always been pretty meh when it comes to male cheerleaders. No, I don’t think they’re weenies–quite the opposite. I fully appreciate how instrumental they are in taking cheer stunting and performance to the next level–their strength and athleticism as bases and tumblers totally change the whole game.

But that’s also my issue with cheer dudes. Typically male cheerleaders are extra tough and robot-stiff on the dance floor/field/court/stage… perhaps to prove that, although they do hold megaphones and point a perky “number one” in the air, they’re still swinging big dicks or whatever. They never use pom poms, which are quite possibly my FAVORITE thing cheer has to offer (I challenge you to think of anything happier than a silvery, sassy pom pom!). They wear completely different outfits from their female counterparts, usually primary-hued polyester pants (which is respectable and kind of unavoidable but also violates the uniformity of a squad’s overall look, a result that irks me on an endemic level. I mean, cheer pants?! Whatever!) that suck.

Male cheerleaders can make the argument that they are cheerleaders solely to put their strength and athleticism to work, while getting to shove their hands into the shadowy crevices of the world’s most perfect thighs. But few are on cheer squads to dance and cheer for cheer‘s sake. Not all, but most. And by golly, if somebody’s leading me to cheer, I want it to be for CHEER’S SAKE!

Anyway. The context of my opinion on male cheerleaders is only the tip of the iceberg Continue reading Gimme An F! Gimme An I! Gimme An E! Gimme An R! Gimme A C…

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BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN! Sometimes You Just Don’t Feel Like Partyin’, Partyin’ (Yeah!)

March 17th, 2011 | 11 comments | Posted by Diana

DISGRASIAN turned 4 earlier this month, and we didn’t celebrate it with Sichuan food and bowling (like our first birthday), a fine old bottle of Scotch (like our second), or a post in which we admitted–for possibly the first and probably the last time–that we are sometimes wrong about stuff (like our third). We didn’t even mention it to each other!

There’s always a teeny bit of discomfort that comes with a birthday–a heart sigh from being another step closer to the end, whatever “the end” may be. Some bewilderment about where you are, what you’re doing, disbelief that you’re only this far (or already too far). A bit of grief for the way things aren’t anymore, for the people that aren’t anymore, for the dreams that you have put to bed.

And that applies to a blog birthday, too. After all, four years is a long-ass time on the Internetz (Reading this, 10-year-old Angry Asian Man will likely roll his eyes and flip us the bird). But seriously, in 2011, who the eff is Sanjaya Malakar? And when was the last time we wrote about crazypants Tila Tequila? And have we run out of things to say about Gwen Stefani? (Probably, as her DISGRASIAN solo singing career seems to have stalled.)

While it’s certainly a relief to move on to more au courant items like, say, Rebecca Black’s awferful “Friday” song that we can’t stop fucking singing aloud (hence, the title of this post) and the inscrutable spelling habits of the Tea Party, it’s hard to think that we’ll never, for example, write about a new Guitar Hero edition (we were actually too sad to write about the death of our favorite all-ages pasttime on the blog) ever again. Maybe it makes just makes us feel old. Holy fudge, we ARE old!

Let me restate: This whole birthday thing makes us feel old, because we are.

And the reason I’m saying all of this? Because I love this Japanese YouTube cat, who seems about as stoked to be birthdaying it up as we are.

Continue reading BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN! Sometimes You Just Don’t Feel Like Partyin’, Partyin’ (Yeah!)

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ROCK OF ASIAN: Burly-esque

February 16th, 2011 | 1 comment | Posted by Diana

Okay, who is this Amazian Jr.–a squooshy-cheeked boy lip syncing for his life to Christina Aguilera’s Burlesque track, “Express”–and how can Jen and I recruit him as our mascot?





He may not know all the words to the song. He may not have legs long enough to drape over the top of a chair back. And I can’t say that, watching him go, I didn’t worry that his cute little sequined bum was about to land hard on the floor during most of this routine.

But let us keep our criticisms to ourselves, fellow Hardass Asians! Baby is FIERCE. And he owns a DRESS WITH BOSOM HANDPRINTS on it. A DRESS WITH BOSOM HANDPRINTS. This young buck has more nerve than I ever had at his age–likely  more then I ever will have at any age.

And dear, sweet heaven, he can whip his neck like nobody’s business.

[via Buzzfeed]

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When Life Gives You Lemons, Troll YouTube

January 12th, 2011 | 2 comments | Posted by Diana

We all agree, 2010 was pretty bad. And guys, 2011 is off to a rocky (read: fuckballsshitty) start.

I feel like we all owe it to ourselves to smile a couple of smiles. So…

Y’ALL. I HAVE A GIFT FOR YOU:





BABY MONKEY ON AN ITTLE BITTY PIG. BABY MONKEY ON A TINY LITTLE PIG!

TEENSY! MONKEY! PIGGYBACKING! ON! A! PIG!

OH MY GAW!

Oh my gaw.

You’re welcome, peeps.

[YouTube: おサルのロデオ(福知山市動物園の赤ちゃんザルとウリ坊)]

Thanks, Maris!

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ROCK OF ASIAN: Don’t Forget To Eat Your Instruments

September 15th, 2010 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

There are those that can make a pot pipe out of anything: a square of foil, an apple, a coke can, a stuffed animal. Some folks can make guitars out of driftwood or old transmissions or three-ring binders. Some people can turn absolutely anything into a pie.

This guy makes musical instruments out of vegetables.

He can play a carrot pan flute waltz, for example:

And have you ever seen anybody play a daikon radish slide whistle?


Continue reading ROCK OF ASIAN: Don’t Forget To Eat Your Instruments

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No Love For Ohno’s No-no?

March 2nd, 2010 | 2 comments | Posted by Diana

Just wondering…

OhYay

Am I the only who thinks that a YouTube video called “Apolo Ohno Crotch Shot” should have far more than 7,601 views?

Just sayin’.

[YouTube: Apolo Ohno Crotch Shot]
[via ONTD]

Source

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ROCK OF ASIAN: Did Girls’ Generation (SNSD) Scoop Rihanna?

January 27th, 2010 | 7 comments | Posted by Diana

AllKPop has posed an important intellectual property question: Did Korean gal group Girls’ Generation (aka So Nyeo Shi Dae or SNSD) rip a song off of Rihanna? The songs in question are SNSD’s chart-topper “Oh!” and Rihanna’s sizzling hot “Shut Up And Drive,” both of which sample New Order’s classic new wave hit “Blue Monday.”

Our brutish ears might be too simple to make a conclusive determination on this one, but hell, we don’t care all that much!  What we’re really fascinated by is the mashup.

Some beat whiz at AllKPop produced an awesome, nerdy, well-organized YouTube video documenting both sides of the coin, allowing netizens to make their own educated decisions on the matter. They include selections of each video (which are both short-short euphorias and color hue smorgasbords), then juxtapose them atop one another at 133 rpm and a leveled pitch.

It can’t be just us… the result is like ear and eye candy. No, ear and eye crank. Why don’t we just have everybody call a truce?

[via ONTD]
[AllKPop: Oh! My Gee Did SNSD Plagiarize Rihanna?]

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The Cold Head Truth

October 27th, 2009 | 2 comments | Posted by Diana

I wonder if ice forms jerking off to this ice-pop blowjob melting competition say things like, “Slow down, girl! You’re gonna give my cousin over there a cold rash! Goddamn, y’all are HOT. Oh! Holy shit! You’re so hot you’re killing ‘em! YOU’RE KILLING ED! STOP KILLING ED!!!!!”







[via GorillaMask]

Thanks, Pete!

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ROCK OF ASIAN: Lydiajojo

October 21st, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Why we approve of YouTube darling Lydia Jo:

  • Though she’s got about a jillion videos of her singing on the Internets, she’s smart enough to set her social networking profiles to private and keep her junk to herself (Good girl!).

  • With her cute hair flip, baby cheeks, and funky earrings, she kinda vibes like a modern Claudia Kishi.
  • She loves family. Try to resist this performance with sis and bro. TRY TO RESIST! (Also, props for roping in siblings… no easy task):

  • She is a very talented singer.

[YouTube: Lydiajojo's Channel]
[via Urlesque]

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Fart And Run

October 13th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

BuzzFeed’s Peggy Wang just posted this amusing YouTube gem from a Japanese game show, which “details” how to escape the path of a flyin’ free fart:

…but geesh, isn’t that a whole lot of work? Isn’t it always easiest to create a diversion, wait for someone to call the stink out, point at that person with horror and yelp, “Whoever smelt it, dealt it!” and then laugh hysterically at them until they start crying?

I mean, not that I know.

[BuzzFeed: How To Escape A Fart]

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Confucius Say: Panama Should Be Worry

May 11th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

¿Quién supo?

Philosophizing in both Japanese and Chinese during the 6th Century would confuse us, too.

[via Dlisted]
[Jezebel: "Such As" Is A Global Phenomenon]


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Toss My Body

November 26th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Groups that were hurt by the making of this video:

  1. Asians
  2. More specifically, Koreans
  3. More specifically, Korean dudes
  4. Gaysians
  5. Singers
  6. Singing Gaysians
  7. Recording Studio Engineers/Techs/Producers
  8. Ears
  9. Pop Stars
  10. Casey Kasem
  11. Mariah Carey (bringing more shame to this diva is hard to do)
  12. ASCAP
  13. Those with Rhythm
  14. Those without Rhythm
  15. Korean Superpopstar Rain
  16. Paris Hilton’s New BFF, ONCH
  17. Korea
  18. Asia
  19. Jen and Diana
  20. World

Source Source Source
Thanks, Michael!

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