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As many of you know, I was a cheerleader in high school, and naturally have a soft spot for all things cheerleading. It’s dance, performance and sport in one package, guys. Can’t hate!
But I’ve always been pretty meh when it comes to male cheerleaders. No, I don’t think they’re weenies–quite the opposite. I fully appreciate how instrumental they are in taking cheer stunting and performance to the next level–their strength and athleticism as bases and tumblers totally change the whole game.
But that’s also my issue with cheer dudes. Typically male cheerleaders are extra tough and robot-stiff on the dance floor/field/court/stage… perhaps to prove that, although they do hold megaphones and point a perky “number one” in the air, they’re still swinging big dicks or whatever. They never use pom poms, which are quite possibly my FAVORITE thing cheer has to offer (I challenge you to think of anything happier than a silvery, sassy pom pom!). They wear completely different outfits from their female counterparts, usually primary-hued polyester pants (which is respectable and kind of unavoidable but also violates the uniformity of a squad’s overall look, a result that irks me on an endemic level. I mean, cheer pants?! Whatever!) that suck.
Male cheerleaders can make the argument that they are cheerleaders solely to put their strength and athleticism to work, while getting to shove their hands into the shadowy crevices of the world’s most perfect thighs. But few are on cheer squads to dance and cheer for cheer‘s sake. Not all, but most. And by golly, if somebody’s leading me to cheer, I want it to be for CHEER’S SAKE!
Anyway. The context of my opinion on male cheerleaders is only the tip of the iceberg Continue reading Gimme An F! Gimme An I! Gimme An E! Gimme An R! Gimme A C…
DISGRASIAN turned 4 earlier this month, and we didn’t celebrate it with Sichuan food and bowling (like our first birthday), a fine old bottle of Scotch (like our second), or a post in which we admitted–for possibly the first and probably the last time–that we are sometimes wrong about stuff (like our third). We didn’t even mention it to each other!
There’s always a teeny bit of discomfort that comes with a birthday–a heart sigh from being another step closer to the end, whatever “the end” may be. Some bewilderment about where you are, what you’re doing, disbelief that you’re only this far (or already too far). A bit of grief for the way things aren’t anymore, for the people that aren’t anymore, for the dreams that you have put to bed.
And that applies to a blog birthday, too. After all, four years is a long-ass time on the Internetz (Reading this, 10-year-old Angry Asian Man will likely roll his eyes and flip us the bird). But seriously, in 2011, who the eff is Sanjaya Malakar? And when was the last time we wrote about crazypants Tila Tequila? And have we run out of things to say about Gwen Stefani? (Probably, as her DISGRASIAN solo singing career seems to have stalled.)
While it’s certainly a relief to move on to more au courant items like, say, Rebecca Black’s awferful “Friday” song that we can’t stop fucking singing aloud (hence, the title of this post) and the inscrutable spelling habits of the Tea Party, it’s hard to think that we’ll never, for example, write about a new Guitar Hero edition (we were actually too sad to write about the death of our favorite all-ages pasttime on the blog) ever again. Maybe it makes just makes us feel old. Holy fudge, we ARE old!
Let me restate: This whole birthday thing makes us feel old, because we are.
And the reason I’m saying all of this? Because I love this Japanese YouTube cat, who seems about as stoked to be birthdaying it up as we are.
Filed under: Birthday ambivalence, Birthday Cat, Birthdays, Cats, Cuteness, DISGRASIAN turns 4, Grief, Grouchy Birthday Cat, Grumpy Birthday Cat, Japanese Birthday Cat Party, loss, Not stoked, Rebecca Black, Scotch, Sichuan Food, Sighs, YouTube Gems
Okay, who is this Amazian Jr.–a squooshy-cheeked boy lip syncing for his life to Christina Aguilera’s Burlesque track, “Express”–and how can Jen and I recruit him as our mascot?
He may not know all the words to the song. He may not have legs long enough to drape over the top of a chair back. And I can’t say that, watching him go, I didn’t worry that his cute little sequined bum was about to land hard on the floor during most of this routine.
But let us keep our criticisms to ourselves, fellow Hardass Asians! Baby is FIERCE. And he owns a DRESS WITH BOSOM HANDPRINTS on it. A DRESS WITH BOSOM HANDPRINTS. This young buck has more nerve than I ever had at his age–likely more then I ever will have at any age.
And dear, sweet heaven, he can whip his neck like nobody’s business.
Filed under: Amazian Jr., Asian Boy Dancing To Burlesque, Awesome, Burlesque, Chair Dancing, Christina Aguilera, Cute Overload, Dress With Bosom Handprints, Exotic Dancing, I LOVE THIS BOY, Nerve, People Destined To Be The Most Popular Guy In College, YouTube Gems
I feel like we all owe it to ourselves to smile a couple of smiles. So…
Y’ALL. I HAVE A GIFT FOR YOU:
BABY MONKEY ON AN ITTLE BITTY PIG. BABY MONKEY ON A TINY LITTLE PIG!
TEENSY! MONKEY! PIGGYBACKING! ON! A! PIG!
OH MY GAW!
Oh my gaw.
You’re welcome, peeps.
There are those that can make a pot pipe out of anything: a square of foil, an apple, a coke can, a stuffed animal. Some folks can make guitars out of driftwood or old transmissions or three-ring binders. Some people can turn absolutely anything into a pie.
This guy makes musical instruments out of vegetables.
He can play a carrot pan flute waltz, for example:
And have you ever seen anybody play a daikon radish slide whistle?
Continue reading ROCK OF ASIAN: Don’t Forget To Eat Your Instruments
Am I the only who thinks that a YouTube video called “Apolo Ohno Crotch Shot” should have far more than 7,601 views?
Filed under: Apolo Anton Ohno, Apolo Ohno, Bathing Suit Areas, Crotch Shots, Dicks, Extreme Closeups, Numbers, Packages, Penises, Small Penis Jokes, Speed Skaters, Surprises, Weiners, YouTube, YouTube Gems
AllKPop has posed an important intellectual property question: Did Korean gal group Girls’ Generation (aka So Nyeo Shi Dae or SNSD) rip a song off of Rihanna? The songs in question are SNSD’s chart-topper “Oh!” and Rihanna’s sizzling hot “Shut Up And Drive,” both of which sample New Order’s classic new wave hit “Blue Monday.”
Our brutish ears might be too simple to make a conclusive determination on this one, but hell, we don’t care all that much! What we’re really fascinated by is the mashup.
Some beat whiz at AllKPop produced an awesome, nerdy, well-organized YouTube video documenting both sides of the coin, allowing netizens to make their own educated decisions on the matter. They include selections of each video (which are both short-short euphorias and color hue smorgasbords), then juxtapose them atop one another at 133 rpm and a leveled pitch.
It can’t be just us… the result is like ear and eye candy. No, ear and eye crank. Why don’t we just have everybody call a truce?
I wonder if ice forms jerking off to this ice-pop blowjob melting competition say things like, “Slow down, girl! You’re gonna give my cousin over there a cold rash! Goddamn, y’all are HOT. Oh! Holy shit! You’re so hot you’re killing ‘em! YOU’RE KILLING ED! STOP KILLING ED!!!!!”
Filed under: Bikinis, Blowjob Queens, Dubious Achievements, giving head, Japan, People Who Suck, Phallic References, Rashes, This Pretty Much Disgusts Me, Yes I Believe Ice Forms Create Communities and Talk and Watch YouTube, YouTube Gems
Why we approve of YouTube darling Lydia Jo:
- Though she’s got about a jillion videos of her singing on the Internets, she’s smart enough to set her social networking profiles to private and keep her junk to herself (Good girl!).
- When covering Mariah Carey songs, she knows to stick to the awesome 90′s stuff, not the creepy, Charmbracelet-era crapola:
- With her cute hair flip, baby cheeks, and funky earrings, she kinda vibes like a modern Claudia Kishi.
- She plays piano real nice.
- She loves family. Try to resist this performance with sis and bro. TRY TO RESIST! (Also, props for roping in siblings… no easy task):
- She is a very talented singer.
BuzzFeed’s Peggy Wang just posted this amusing YouTube gem from a Japanese game show, which “details” how to escape the path of a flyin’ free fart:
…but geesh, isn’t that a whole lot of work? Isn’t it always easiest to create a diversion, wait for someone to call the stink out, point at that person with horror and yelp, “Whoever smelt it, dealt it!” and then laugh hysterically at them until they start crying?
I mean, not that I know.
Philosophizing in both Japanese and Chinese during the 6th Century would confuse us, too.
Filed under: Bad Answers, Beauty Queens, Confucius, Confucius Say, Confusion, Miss Panama, Pageants Are a Joke, Race Mixing is Cool, Really Dumb People, The Growing Irrelevance of Beauty Queens, YouTube Gems
Groups that were hurt by the making of this video:
- More specifically, Koreans
- More specifically, Korean dudes
- Singing Gaysians
- Recording Studio Engineers/Techs/Producers
- Pop Stars
- Casey Kasem
- Mariah Carey (bringing more shame to this diva is hard to do)
- Those with Rhythm
- Those without Rhythm
- Korean Superpopstar Rain
- Paris Hilton’s New BFF, ONCH
- Jen and Diana