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Lifestyle Asiaphilia Kills
lifestyle Asiaphile
n.
A person who fetishizes Asian dress, food, religion, and/or culture, often to the detriment of his/her own health and that of others.
Yoga and hair weave-enthusiast Jeremy Piven was forced to drop out of a Broadway production of Mamet’s Speed-the-Plow this week after “shocking levels” of mercury–attributed to eating too much sushi and Chinese herbs–were found in his system. His doctor told People magazine that Piven’s decision to leave the play was purely medical and had nothing to do with the Entourage actor’s widely-perceived douchery.
Since Entourage is on hiatus, fans of the Pivert will have to settle for watching reruns of the Discovery Channel’s “Journey of a Lifetime with Jeremy Piven,” a 2006 series documenting Piven’s spiritual passage to India. Namaste!
Filed under: Asiaphilia, Cultural Appropriasian, David Mamet, Entourage is Overrated, Fetishes, HBO Entourage, Jeremy Piven, Lifestyle Asiaphile, Loving Us Long Time, Namaste, The Pivert, Yoga
Congratulasians, Eddie Van Halen
It was announced this week that Eddie Van Halen is engaged to his publicist, Janie Liszewski. Eddie–whose mother was Dutch-Indonesian–proposed in August. Congratulasians, Eddie!
Last December, I saw Van Halen play the Staples Center. It was during the writers’ strike and most of the people I went to the show with were writers worried about paying their mortgages, the decline of television’s popularity in general, and when they would ever work again. Seeing Van Halen was a high point in an otherwise depressed, uncertain time.
We were so close to the stage that you could sort of make out David Lee Roth’s bulge in his black leather pants. Eddie was shirtless, and he was one of the most ripped muthafuckas I’d ever seen. David was wearing an open, glittery matador jacket, and he was ripped, too, but I was pretty sure that David got that way from lipo and Eddie from doing a lot of freaky yoga or something. Eddie had some of the fastest fingers I’ve ever seen. Him shredding didn’t seem like work at all. His teenage son Wolfgang played bass, and I felt bad for him, not because he was awkward, pimply and pudgy–touring with Van Halen will get him laid despite all of that–but because he has so much to live up to, having a guitar god for a father.
Three months later, the band had to cancel a bunch of dates because Eddie came down with an undisclosed illness. His ex, Valerie Bertinelli, who was hocking a memoir about weight loss at the time, denied that Eddie had gone back to rehab. Whatever it was, I hope this engagement is a sign of better times, and by that I mean, a sign of many more sweet, shirtless shows to come.
Filed under: David Lee Roth, Eddie Van Halen, Guitar Gods, Lipo, Ripped Bodies, Valerie Bertinelli, Van Halen, Van Halen Reunion, Van Halen Staples Center, Virtuosos, Wolfgang Van Halen, Yoga
Madonna to Teach Her Indian Adoptee How to "Go Native"
This week, it was announced that Madonna is planning to adopt another child, this time a baby girl from India. The 49 year-old pop star was reportedly looking to give her Malawian child David a black brother or sister but was put off by the legal troubles she faced during that last adoption process.
Earlier this year, she “began searching for the right baby from the right orphanage with help from her friend, Bollywood choreographer Sandip Soparrkar, who last year became the first single male in India to adopt a child.”
Sources close to the Material Girl have also said that she is “over the moon” about the prospect of teaching India’s native customs to her new daughter, which include throwing her a henna party/baby shower, showing her how to properly apply a bindi and wear a silk sari, and practicing yoga with the little tyke until her arms become ripped like a dude’s.
Filed under: Adoption is the New Black, Bollywood, Henna-ed Hands, India, Lady Looks Like a Dude, Madonna, Orphans, Racial Drag, Yoga
