You are currently browsing posts tagged with Yau Man

Oh-Man

May 14th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


Dreamz:

You dicked over Yau-Man. And that is why, at the Survivor: Fiji reunion tonight, you were not only fat, but still broke.

Patooey on you.

xoxo,
Diana

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Yau the Man

May 11th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

I was worried for my man Yau last night on Survivor. After winning the reward challenge (by inexplicably being the best at axe-hurling), Yau gave his reward–a monster F-350 truck–to cheerleading coach Dreamz, the only person on the island without a car.

Dreamz: Wowee Yau-ee! I’ve been whining about needing a car for days.
Yau: My pleasure. He he.

In the process, Yau Man cut a deal with Dreamz that could almost guarantee Yau would make it to the final three. Provided he got to the final four first.

Then, Yau sent HIMSELF to Exile Island, an act without precedent on the show. Instead of bitching and moaning about it, he was a man on a mission, deciphering the last clue to the second immunity idol’s whereabouts.

“Wait a second. Did I just get screwed? All this thinking hurts my head.”

Meanwhile, back at camp, Dreamz realized that he wouldn’t have to hold up his end of the deal if he got everyone to vote Yau off this week. Cassandra, Stacy and Boo, whose bod suddenly got hot…

“I may be hot, but I’m still stupid.”

…went in on the plan together. But they pretended that they were voting off Stacy.

Yet Yau outplayed them once again. Not only did he figure out where the second immunity idol was and let Earl find it, he played his own at tribal council, after getting “bad vibes” at camp.

Stacy had the second-highest number of votes, so she was audi 5000.

“That’s cool, cuz now I, like, can go find what’s living in my unbrushed hair.”

Lesson learned? Don’t fuck with Yau. He’s smarter than all of you.

Source

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Surviving

May 4th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


The reward challenge on last night’s Survivor: Fiji was downright foul. The sadistic fucks over on Bula Bula island had to mouth-yank chunks of meat off of a hanging pork pile, run a couple of yards, and drop as much as they could onto a plate.

Uh… what?

The best part of this, of course, was watching the swinging meat hunk smack that sketchy-boring-pretty-blahblah-weakling-Asian-zzZzZzz Stacy in the face during every cutaway. Pow! Yes!

Throughout the episode, we were all sure to see if Alex, the last manipulative brat of the Four Horsemen, would be packing his bags… until he almost turned the entire group on another player:


…Yau-Man.

But the Alliance couldn’t–nay, wouldn’t–turn on their trusty friend. Oh, he’s a wiley Amazian–never screwing anyone over, always doing adorable things. Now he’s pretty much unstoppable (first and foremost, he’s gotta have too much pride to let anyone named “Dreamz” or “Boo” or even “Stacy” take him out, for Chrissake).

So they screwed up. If he was ever gonna go down, they should have done it last night. Fools! That, my friends, is why my man Yau-Man is gonna wreck these folks and take home the million. Mark my words.

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AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK!

April 16th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Name: Yau-Man Chan

Age: 54

Occupation: Computer Engineer

Known for: multiple Science degrees, tenure at Cal, ability to make everyone on Survivor appear horny, impatient, and stupid

Bottom line: Smart is hot. Go get that million, baby. Yau the Man!!!

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Survival of the Asianest: A Great Leap Forward for Asian Sistahood

April 12th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Last week on Survivor, determined-not-to-be-Disgrasianed Yau Man was the only person who successfully threw a spear at a target to win his tribe immunity. Everyone else on both teams was utterly useless.

BooYau!

But the most interesting thing that happened was how Michelle secretly turned against Stacy. Just to be clear…

…Michelle is on the left and Stacy on the right. Don’t ask me who the guy in black face is in the middle.

I was feeling a bit guilty for calling Michelle and Stacy “a couple of frivolous chicks that I seriously can’t tell apart yet” two weeks ago, but then Michelle echoed my sentiment last week:

“Me and Stacy are kinda carbon copies of each other when it comes down to function. I don’t think there’s enough room for the both of us.”


“No, I’m the Pretty Asian One.”

“No, I am.”

“Are not!”

“Am too!”

Look for one of these bitches to claw the other’s eyes out tonight!

Source: CBS

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Survival of the Asianest

March 30th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Any of you remember Yul Kwon, winner of last season’s Survivor: Cook Islands (the “race” show)? He went to Stanford, got a law degree from Yale, and so dominated the game both physically and mentally that he was voted an almost unanimous winner by fellow contestants. AMAZIAN.

Early in the game, Yul was banished to “Exile” Island, where he found the much sought-after Immunity Idol, which protected him from eliminasian and ultimately helped him to win. Determined not to let an Asian Mastermind take over the show again this season, Survivor producers have cast a pushover named Mookie, a couple of frivolous chicks that I seriously can’t tell apart yet, and Yau Man, a computer engineer-patsy:

Yau Man is your classic 98-lb weakling, with buckteeth and a sketchy command of English. I am 100% sure he tried to smuggle a pocket-protector on the island as a luxury item, the way other people bring in floss and chapstick. The other contestants make fun of him because he’s puny and old and because his name is “Yau Man.” He’s constantly, to use Survivor vernacular, on the chopping block. He’s set-up to be a total Disgrasian, only…

…guess who found the Immunity Idol last night, bitches?

Suck it, Haters!

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