You are currently browsing posts tagged with Yao Ming

DISGWITTER OF THE WEAK! The Yao Ming “Made In China” Meme

December 17th, 2010 | 6 comments | Posted by Jen

Yao Ming has suffered yet another foot injury that could sideline him for the rest of the season and has some people wondering if this doesn’t signal the end of his NBA career.

So what do you do when the career of one of the NBA’s good guys is in jeopardy?  Cue the Yao Ming-Made In China jokes!

Is this meme “racist or stereotypical”?  Good question, “Joey”!

And the answer is: No! It’s racist and stereotypical!  Stay classy, Tweeps.

[NY Times: Yao Ming's Fragile Feet Could End Career]

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BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN! Yao Ming

September 10th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen


Happy birthday to Yao Ming, who turns 29 Saturday! Our birthday wish for the 7’6″ Rockets center is undoubtedly the same as his own–to heal that foot in a hurry so that he can return to the hardcourt sometime next season.

Because if we have to wait a whole other year to see one of the NBA’s true good guys play basketball again, it’s gonna make us cry like little girls (not to mention abandon the sport and all the primadouches playing it for something ludicrous like…hockey).


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SPORTS ILLUSTRASIAN: Shaq’s Chinese Is Improving

July 22nd, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

You may recall how, in 2003, before Shaquille O’Neal and Yao Ming’s first meeting on the NBA hardwood, Shaq attempted to reach across cultural lines and communicate with the then-rookie from China, saying on a FOX Sports show: “Tell Yao Ming, ‘ching-chong-yang-wah-ah-soh.’”

To which Yao responded, “Chinese is hard to learn. I had trouble with it when I was little.”


But that was then, and this is nao, and when Shaq took a trip to the People’s Republic this month, he showed just how far he’s come in speaking China’s native tongue and understanding its culture.

First, he got lap-danced by a panda. Then, he visited a Shaolin temple, where he Tweeted:

Ive been alotta place but being at the shaolin temple n china has brouhht a tear to my eye buddha blessed

The Shaqlin Temple

After that, he vowed to bring this mysterious, mystical martial art known as kung fu back to his motherland.

This may still sound like ching-chong to you, but there’s no denying Shaq’s conversational tone has improved. And Mandarin, as everyone knows, is all about tone. So Shaq must be one cunning linguist. (That, or he has some sneakers to shill.)

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Yao-za

March 18th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

My major issue with the wax statue of Yao Ming that recently debuted at NY’s Madame Tussauds

“Live” Yao (left)–cool as a cuke, and “wax” Yao (right)–nervous Nellie

…is that the wax version looks really, really scared that he’s not gonna make a foul shot. I mean, for chrissake, he’s Yao Ming. Homeboy does not know failure intimately–why worry?

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Thanks, jRu and Jasmine!

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Oh It’s a Transformasian, Alright

December 9th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

By now, you’ve probably heard of the Yao Ming Transformer. It’s a plastic basketball that turns a la Optimus Prime into the Rockets center.


I poked around to see where you could buy the Yao Ming Transformer but came up with nothing. I even had my mom translate the site where the toy was originally found, but all it said was, “Look, Yao is changing shape.”

And also, “Look, Yao is changing into an Italian Stallion.”


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SPORTS ILLUSTRASIAN: Yao Ming-lug-glug-glug

October 6th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Seen last week on Drunk Athlete–Yao Ming tying one on at a wedding:




There’s something so comforting about seeing perfect, untouchable Yao behave like the rest of us, don’tcha think?

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SPORTS ILLUSTRASIAN: Ron Artest "Still Ghetto"

August 1st, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen


This week, a potential trade between the Houston Rockets and the Sac o’ Shit Kings was announced that would send Ron Artest to my hometown team. In reaction, Yao told the Houston Chronicle that he was optimistic but that he hoped “(Artest’s) not fighting anymore and going after a guy in the stands.” Artest then responded to Yao’s comments in the Sacramento Bee:

“I understand what Yao said, but I’m still ghetto,” Artest said. “That’s not going to change. I’m never going to change my culture. Yao has played with a lot of black players, but I don’t think he’s ever played with a black player that really represents his culture as much as I represent my culture. Once Yao Ming gets to know me, he’ll understand what I’m about.

If you go back to the brawl, that’s a culture issue right there. Somebody was disrespecting me, so he’s got to understand where I’m coming from. People that know me know that Ron Artest never changed.”

In this day and age of NBA players meticulously cultivating their image to appeal to advertisers and fans, I find Artest’s statement nothing short of incredible. Commissioner David Stern, who’s spearheaded efforts in the NBA to essentially de-ghettoize the league–whether it’s with a ludicrous dress code or wanting to impose gun restrictions on players–has got to be p-issed! And anything that pisses off Big Brother pants splooger David Stern is alright by me.

Except talking about yourself in the third person.

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SPORTS ILLUSTRASIAN: Reebok Speaks Chine$e

July 17th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

He’s baaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!

Yao Ming returned to the hardcourt today from a foot injury for 12 minutes against Serbia in the Stankovic Cup, a pre-Olympic tune-up tournament. China won 96-72. Reports said that Yao Ming looked “rusty,” but I doubt Reebok really gives a shit how he plays so long as his big ass is out there. The shoe company endorses Yao and this week unveiled the limited edition Yao Ming Omni Pump Hexride 5 in select Chine$e stores.


Reebok is banking on the fug shoe to make inroads to the Chine$e market, something Nike and Adidas already have a headstart on.

“With a huge global event like the Olympics, and with Yao as such a huge figure for the country, this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity as we make our ka-ching-chong charge into China,” said Todd Krinsky, Reebok’s vice president of sports and entertainment marketing.

Only 2008 sneakers were made and they retail for about $130 dollars, or $886 yuan, almost half the average monthly salary of a well-paid Chine$e worker. The shoe is laden with “ancient Chine$e secret” imagery, like the dragon, Yao’s Chine$e zodiac sign (the monkey), and the colors red and gold.

Raise the red lantern and the roof, y’all!!!

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SPORTS ILLUSTRASIAN: Love and Rockets

March 17th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Early Arrivals

True story: my mom pushed up my birth date so that she could attend my dad’s PhD ceremony. She told a little white lie about being in labor to our family doctor, was admitted to the hospital, and I was induced shortly thereafter, weighing in at a healthy 7+ pounds. A week of so later, I was tucked in the crook of her arm, watching my dad glide across a stage in a cap and gown, christened at the start into the religion of higher learning.

I couldn’t help thinking of this story when I heard that Daisuke Matsuzaka and his wife Tomoyo inserted Baby Dice, a boy weighing 6 pounds, 10 ounces, into the starting lineup on Saturday. Congratulasians, Matsuzakas!

The baby’s original due date had been March 19, the day the Red Sox fly to Tokyo for their season opener against the A’s. “(I)f Matsuzaka’s new baby interferes with the team’s trip to Japan,” MLB.com reported, and with Beckett and Schilling injured, the team would have started Jon Lester in the first game. With all due respect to Honorasian Jon Lester…Jon Lester?!? But, fortunately for Red Sox Nasian, Baby Dice came early, Daddy Dice was named the opening day starter this morning, and all of Japan’s chowderheads heaved a huge sigh of relief.

Was it killer timing? Divine intervention from the baseball gods? I think I’m going to have to consult Moms on this one.

“I’m Alive, Uh Uh, So Alive”

Dude. I watched so much b-ball this weekend, I feel like my eyes are still dribbling. Without a doubt, the most exciting game for me was watching the Houston Rockets take down the L.A. Fakers. By beating L.A., with whom they were tied for first place in the Western Conference, the Rockets also extended their winning streak to 22-0, 10-0 sans Yao, who’s out for the season with a foot fracture. This is the second-longest streak in NBA history. You may remember that I predicted the Rockets, who were in 10th place when Yao got injured, would fall apart without him. Color me corrected! Tomorrow night, Houston faces the Boston Celtics and the best record in the NBA. We will rock you, KG!!!

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SPORTS ILLUSTRASIAN: Texass Edition

February 26th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Yeah, yeah, I’ve got my home state on the brain today. A lot of shizzle’s been goin’ down lately in the Lone Star State and with its star athletes. Here’s a quick rundown:


BIG FOOT FRACTURE

Yao is out for the season with a stress fracture in his left foot. Which means Rocket fans are gonna be seeing a lot of Big ‘n’ Tall suits on display for the rest of the season, and not much else. Terrible news after coming off a 12 game win-streak. There’s no Booyao! coming out of H-town today, just boohoo.

TRAPPED IN THE STEROIDS CLOSET

Duuuuude. The Roger Clemens steroids debacle has taken on a weird, R. Kelly-esque twist [oh shit], and I’m proposing a new name for this mess: TITJOB-GATE. Apparently, Congress has received photographic evidence of Clemens partying with Jose “Got More Juice than Jamba” Canseco in 1998, an event that Clemens, under oath, has said he did not attend. It has been alleged that Clemens first talked about doing ‘roids at this party, and that the 7-time Cy Young winner often openly reminisced about that night because his wife Debbie and Jose’s wife Jessica had compared TITJOBS. [titjobs...titjobs...titjobs...]

OUT OF THE CLOSET…CLOSET…CLOSET…

Oh, and raise your hand if you ever thought Andy Pettite would turn out to be not as dumb as he looks?

JUST KEEP BALLIN’, MAN

And, finally, some good news. Matthew McConaughey is stoned!!! And preggo!!! And people are buzzing about his Texas Longhorns taking the national title in basketball. Everyone is stoked, except for my family, who are all Aggies. But Mom, Dad…don’t you want to get on that dirty, greazy bandwagon (to the right)??? Hook ‘em Wooderson!!!

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SPORTS ILLUSTRASIAN: Booyao!

November 13th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen
“Psst. Whatcha puttin’ in those Wheaties?”


Houston Rockets center Yao Ming was named Western Conference Playa of the Week yesterday after averaging 27.8 points, 10.5 rebounds, and 2.8 blocks two weeks into the season. This acknowledgment was the perfect capper to last Saturday’s highly-touted Yao-Yi showdown, where Yao and his Rockets won 104-88.

The most impressive numbers from that game didn’t come from the Chinese ballers, however. Chinese sports commentators estimate that the match–dubbed “The Super Bowl” by China Daily–drew 100 to 200 million viewers in their home country, causing NBA evil mastermind commish David Stern to splooge all over his suit pants and have a fantastic weekend.

David Stern’s “O” face


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SPORTS ILLUSTRASIAN: News of the Weird

September 12th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen
Yao wiping away the tears of an AIDS orphan

In two days, a charity basketball game between an NBA team led by two-time MVP Steve Nash and the Chinese national team led by Yao Ming will take place in Beijing. Funds raised from the event will go to children’s charities designated by Nash and Yao, who put this thing together, “to build schools and pay the tuition of mentally challenged and poor students in China’s poverty-stricken western regions.” The NBA team will include Sixth Man of the Year and Nash teammate Leandro Barbosa, Carmelo Anthony, and Baron Davis.

This is the way for NBA basketball to Ka-Ching-Chong their way to China, rather than players going on one-person ego trips to hock overpriced, fug sneakers. Even I have nothing bad to say about this. Weird.

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