DISGRASIAN™

DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! The Hump

Last night, I had a dream that I was sitting at a sushi bar, watching the chef work with his knife before me. He sliced two slim pieces of soft, red flesh and placed them gently on balls of warm sushi rice. He leaned over the bar and laid the two sushi pieces on the wooden platform in my reach, an inch away from a small pat of wasabi and wet pile of dusty-pink pickled ginger.

“This is whale,” he said, looking me in the eye. “No soy sauce.”

Taken aback, I said, “No. Thank you, no whale please.”

“Whale,” he said, now stern. “You eat it. Chef’s special Omakase.” He tightened the grip on his Shun knife.

“No. I can’t. I can’t,” I whimpered, overwhelmed suddenly by fear.

“EAT IT,” he said. And suddenly we were no longer at a sushi bar but in a cavernous black room, with him pinning me against a chair while shoving large, bloody pieces of whale meat into my mouth. “EEEEEEAT IIIIIT!”

The nightmare, of course, stemmed from a week of reading about the recent bust of Santa Monica sushi resto The Hump, an eatery known for serving exotic sushi. The place was busted after two undercover females with a lipstick camera ordered the $600 Omakase menu and requested whale, then were awarded eight pieces. They pocketed samples of the meat and later had them analyzed, identifying the meat as that from the endangered sei whale.

LAT describes the resulting charge:

Named in the complaint, filed in U.S. District Court in Los Angeles, were Typhoon Restaurant Inc., owner of the Hump, and chef Kiyoshiro Yamamoto, 45, of Culver City.

Continue reading DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! The Hump

Filed under: Busts, Charges, Endangered Species, Illegal Sale of Marine Mammal Products, Illegally Selling Whale Meat, Kiyoshiro Yamamoto, Los Angeles, Ocean Brethren, Omakase, Santa Monica, Sei Whale, Sushi, Sushi Chef, The Hump, This is Bullshit, Typhoon Restaurant Inc., Whale Meat, White Mercedes, WTF?

DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Taylor Momsen

We know the bar is low for both teenagers and actresses when it comes to awareness of global events and having brains larger than peas and all, but we were still stunned when we read little Taylor Momsen’s response to OK! Magazine’s inquiry about her thoughts on the Haiti earthquake fallout.

Yeah, she's 16.

From OK!

“Um, right now I’m trying to just finish my record and getting through the last season of Gossip Girl for right now. So not so much thinking about that.”

Added Taylor, “But it’s awesome that everyone is ya know working towards a good cause.”

Continue reading DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Taylor Momsen

Filed under: 7.0 Earthquake In Haiti, Actresses, Haiti, Haiti Earthquake, Huh?, Idiots, Nonsense, People That Must Live In A Fucking Cave, People That Should Never Be Considered Role Models, Resenting the Young, Shock, Taylor Momsen, Teenagers, Wacktresses, WTF?, Young Hollywood

DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Sen. Dan Inouye

Sen. Dan Inouye of Hawaii, a WWII veteran and now the third-longest-serving senator in American history, may have voted in roll call for Al Franken’s amendment to a larger Defense appropriations bill, which would end federal funding for defense contractors who abuse mandatory arbitration clauses to deny victims of assault (including sexual assault, like rape) the right to bring their case to court. But that amendment is now in danger at Inouye’s hands.

From HuffPo:

Inouye’s office, sources say, has been lobbied by defense contractors adamant that the language of the Franken amendment would leave them overly exposed to lawsuits and at constant risk of having contracts dry up. The Senate is considering taking out a provision known as the Title VII claim, which (if removed) would allow victims of assault or rape to bring suit against the individual perpetrator but not the contractor who employed him or her.

Well, we can’t let those contracts dry up, can we? That would be bad, wouldn’t it?

OH WAIT, prioritizing a bunch of fucking contracts over the rights of sexual assault victims would be more than bad. It would be a total fucking EPIC FAIL.

Time to tell that to Grandpa. Email or Call Inouye’s office now and tell him you don’t want victims forced into secret arbitration after they’ve suffered through the worst of violations, just because groups like KBR are making a big stink about being “exposed.”

Inouye’s office contact information is as follows:

Washington D.C.
722 Hart Building
Washington, D.C. 20510-1102
Phone: 202-224-3934
Fax: 202-224-6747

Honolulu
300 Ala Moana Boulevard
Room 7-212
Honolulu, Hawaii 96850-4975
Phone: 808-541-2542
Fax: 808-541-2549

Hilo
101 Aupuni Street, #205
Hilo, Hawaii 96720
Phone: 808-935-0844
Fax: 808-961-5163

[HuffPo: Franken's Anti-Rape Amendment May Be Stripped By Senior Dem, Sources Say]

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Thanks, Keoni!

Filed under: Al Franken, Al Franken Anti-Rape Amendment, Being Old, Defense Budgets, Department of Defense, KBR, Rape Ain't Sexy, Sen. Dan Inouye, The U.S. Senate, This is Bullshit, WTF?

Mein Kampf, with Pictures

Through a unique application of copyright laws, Germany has enforced a de facto ban on the publishing of Adolf Hitler’s Mein Kampf since 1945. As the expiration date (2015) for those copyright laws near, a debate has risen over whether or not it could be advisable to publish a version of the text again, under controlled circumstances, for critical purposes.

In Japan, however, East Press (a publisher that has already done interpretations of many classic texts, from Kafka’s Metamorphosis to Dostoevsky’s Crime and Punishment to Marx’s Das Kapital) published a manga version of Mein Kampf this year, to the tune of some 45,ooo book sales.

From Anime News Network:

While the intent may be educational, the execution still seems questionable to me. If someone hasn’t read and or studied Mein Kampf, should their first exposure really be with illustrations and interpretive storyboards?

Frankly, I don’t think so. But try telling 45,000 manga fans that.

[ANN: Manga Version of Hitler's Mein Kampf Sells 45,000]
[via I Heart Chaos]

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Filed under: Adolf Hitler, Bavaria, Copyright Laws, East Press, Educasian, Germany, Japan, Manga, Manga Version of Mein Kampf, Manifestos, Mein Kampf, Missing the Point, Nazis, WTF?

DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Mary Kay LeTourneau

WHAT UP Y’ALL! I’M INVITING YOU TO THA SEXXXIEST WEEKLY PARTY OF THA YEEARRRRRR!!! HOT DJZ, HOT LADIEZ, HOT BEATZ, ICE-COLD MUTHAFUCKIN’ COCKTAILZ! IT’S HOT FOR TEACHER NIGHT AT THA FUEL SPORTS BAR–WASHINGTON STATE’Z MOST EXCLUSIVE NIGHT SPOT! LADIEZ WEAR YOUR CLASSROOM FINEST, AND GUYZ WHO R BAD WILL GET THEMSELVEZ SPANKKKED! DRESS TO IMPRESS… $10 JOINT COVER $5 FUEL… STARTS AT 9:30PM SO COME EARLY TO AVOID LINEZ!

Oh…right. One more thing: This week’s bonanza will be hosted by Mary Kay LeTourneau, the creepiest child rapist (with the wackass-est hair), like, EVER. And her former sixth-grader–oops, HUSBAND–will be spinning tracks as well.

Um.

Yeah. We vomited, too.

[People: Mary Kay Letourneau to Host 'Hot Teacher Night']
[Komo News: Mary K. Letourneau Hosts 'Hot Teacher' Night]

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Filed under: Child Rape, Creepy Tingles, Eww, Fucking Students, Hot For Teacher, Is It Just Us or Does Mary Kay Look Pretty Good For 47?, Mary Kay LaTourneau, Statutory Rape, Vili Fualaau, WTF?, Yuckers

Asian Chicks: Hold On Loosely, Don’t Let Go

FINALLY! A web site showcasing Asian women in all of their glory: holding great jobs, holding down the fort, holding hands!

Or just…

…Asian women…

…holding…

…stuff.

[Asian Women Holding Things]

Thanks, jRu!

Filed under: Asian Women Holding Things, Fucked Up Shit, OMG, Porn for Indie/JDate/Interwebz Nerds, Some People Have A Lot of Time On Their Hands, Weak Concepts, Weird, WTF?

ROCK OF ASIAN: Yuto Miyazawa

Sometimes in life, the only words that are adequate in a situation are not actually words–they’re letters of an acronym.

And after hours of scratching my head, mouth agape, viewing sick video of teeny-tiny Yuto Miyazawa (a kid that picked up a guitar when he was 3, and has clearly only been playing rad axe-grinders for the six years since), I’ve realized that this is one of those sometimes.

Honestly, the only adequate letters for this moment are:

[Yuto Miyazawa on Ellen]
[Yuto Miyazawa via Relix]

Thanks, Lezak!

Filed under: Amazian Jr., Axe Grinders, Being at a Loss for Words, Coolest Kid EVER, Dudes Who Shred, Ellen Degeneres, Guitar Gods, Kids that Rock, Mind-Boggling Talent, Phenoms, Tiny People, WTF?, Yuto Miyazawa

Boob Bomb?

RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!


THEM BOOBS’S GONNA BLOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW!!!

[Gizmodo: Japanese Marriage Bra Gently Nudges Men Toward Nuptials, With Boobs]

Source
Thanks, Jasmine!

Filed under: Bombs, Boob Bombs, Idiotic Things That Adults Invent, Japanese Gadgets, Japanese Marriage Bra, Useless Things, Weird Japanese Behavior, WTF?

That Chinese Sperm Bank Photo: You’ve Been Shanghaied

I saw this NSFW photo on BuzzFeed yesterday, allegedly taken at a Shanghai sperm bank:

…and my immediate train of thought was, Yick Yuck What the Fuck Their Sperm Works but Their Hands Don’t Being a Woman Blows. And then that quivery Kate Bush song, “This Woman’s Work,” came on in my head, and I was pissed.

But I conducted a little investigasian today and found that this picture first surfaced on the interwebz in late 2008, and it was immediately dismissed as a hoax by officials at Renji Hospital in Shanghai, where the sperm bank is located. So why, then, does this meme still persist? A coupla theories:

1. Because the world needs more Asian massage parlor jokes
2. Because everything in China is wack and fucked-up and backwards, unlike in the West
3. Because Asians are inscrutable, as are their customs

The only good to cum (yuk yuk, me so funny) out of this photo is that I’m no longer outraged, I’m just bored.

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Filed under: Chinese Sperm Bank Photo Hoax, Handjobs, Inscrutable, Lies, Massage Parlor Jokes, Memes, Shanghai Sperm Bank Photo Hoax, Viral Internet Trends, Weird Chinese Behavior, WTF?

The Definition of Bad Timing

Quest Crew

On the same day that TMZ posted a photo taken of Rihanna’s battered face after she was allegedly assaulted by Chris Brown, MTV’s America’s Best Dance Crew aired their “Battle of the Sexes” episode, wherein the four remaining teams competed, two all-male and two all-female. In what can only be described as exquisitely poor timing (not to mention taste), the all-male Quest Crew was assigned to dance to Chris Brown’s “Forever,” while the all-female Fly Khicks crew was asked to perform a routine to Rihanna’s “Pon de Replay.” I physically cringed when one of the members of Quest Crew (whom I adore)–in reference to Chris Brown’s MJ-esque footwork–said, quite innocently, “No one does it like Chris Brown.”

You can say that again.

WTF, MTV???

Watch the full episode here.

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Filed under: America's Best Dance Crew, Bad Timing, Battered Women, Chris Brown, Dancing Around the Topic, Domestic Abuse, Domestic Violence, Fly Khicks, MTV, Quest Crew, Rihanna, Sensitivity Training, WTF?

DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Joe Son

TMZ just discovered that Joe Son, the actor who played Dr. Evil’s henchman Random Task in Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery, has been linked to an unsolved, violent, Christmas Eve gang rape of an Orange County woman in 1990. Son is being charged with five felony counts of rape, two felony counts of forcible sodomy, two felony counts of sodomy in concert by force, seven felony counts of forcible oral copulation, and one felony count of sexual penetration by foreign object by force.

According to TMZ, Son was connected to the crime after pleading guilty for a non-violent felony offense:

Son pleaded guilty back in May to felony vandalism. The plea required him to fork over a DNA sample. Investigators ran his sample and found Son’s DNA connected him to an unsolved gang rape back in 1990, where a woman was pistol-whipped, raped, threatened with death and eventually blindfolded and released naked.

These offenses are revolting. If Son is found guilty, we would like to ask that he kindly step down as a member of the Asian race. After all, he sounds like no son of ours.

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Filed under: Austin Powers, Awful Things That People Do, Criminals, Joe Son, Orange County, Stupid Gang Shit, The Bad Son, TMZ, Unfunny Stuff, Violent Crime, WTF?

Auntie?

WHAT THE F*CK??

Why in God’s name is my oldest, crankiest, meanest aunt stumping for McCain and Palin?? Is she even registered to vote? Also, I’ve only seen her wear cotton–where did she get this wooly mock turtleneck?

Jeezus, I’m related to another REPUBLICAN?? How did this happen?

So many questions. SO many questions.

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Filed under: Cranky Ladies, Hardass Asian Aunts, Hardass Asian Families, Impersonasians, John McCain, Republican Relasians, Sarah Palin, Stumping, WTF?