You are currently browsing posts tagged with World Records
Name: Annie Leung
Occupation: Pro Gamer
Hails from: Orange County, CA
Why She’s A Babe: She’s got all the AZN cred to make your parents happy–born and raised in SoCal, a background in piano, a degree from Cal, and, la-dee-dah, a Guinness World Record. Incredibly, Leung realized the dream that Jen and I have always shared–a world record in Guitar Hero playing–by scoring 789,349 points playing Dragonforce’s “Through The Fire And Flames” on Expert (right now, I am totally typing between heaving sobs).
Yes, her gamer handle, “Ecstasy,” sounds suspiciously like a stripper name. And for sure, we might need to have a little talk about those hooker boots (Gurrl!) that seem to find their way to Leung’s GH competitions. And I feel like we could help her out a little in the “stage presence” department (If you don’t bleed, it ain’t rock!).
But damn, y’all. Betch is HOT. And her fingers move so fast!
Filed under: Annie "Ecstasy" Leung, Annie Leung, Dragonforce "Through The Fire And Flames", Dreams From My Partner, Guinness Book of World Records, Guitar Hero, Guitar Hero 3, Guitar Heroines, Hardass Asian Parents, Hooker Boots, Stripper Names, UC Berkeley, World Records
The world’s oldest person, Kama Chinen of Okinawa, Japan, died Sunday, a week short of her 115th birthday. Chinen was also the 28th oldest person ever and the 25th oldest woman ever. In April, she became the last person born in 1895 who was still alive.
To put this in perspective, here are a few other things that were happening in 1895 (via Wikipedia):
- The game of volleyball is invented
- Alfred Nobel signs his last will and testament, setting aside his estate to establish this little thing called the Nobel Prize
- W.E.B. Du Bois becomes the first African American to receive his Ph.D. from Harvard
- China is still being ruled by the Qing Dynasty
And other people born in 1895 include Babe Ruth, Buster Keaton, and J. Edgar Hoover. You know, people who have been really dead for a really long time?
The oldest living person is now believed to be 114 year-old Eugenie Blanchard of France.
I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that most people who saw Seth Gordon’s fantastic 2007 documentary, King of Kong (a film about two middle-aged men–a middle school teacher and a condiment magnate–duking it out for the Guinness World Record on Donkey Kong), were not quickly inspired to follow in the principal characters’ footsteps. Though respectfully portrayed, most of the people featured in the film are lovable losers, aging dorks, gamer geeks–and the addiction itself so all-consuming that it alienates even our hero from family, home and daily life.
But of course, someone did. Hank Chien, a 35-year-old plastic surgeon from New York, started playing the game after seeing the film. He recently broke the standing record, held by longtime recordholder Billy Mitchell, with 1,061,700 points in two and a half hours. The score was 10,000 higher than Mitchell’s.
Filed under: Addiction, Arcade Games, Asians Love Winning Anything, Awesome Documentaries, Billy Mitchell, Breaking Records, Documentaries, Donkey Kong, Excellence, Excelling As A Pastime, Gamers, Guinness Book of World Records, Hank Chien, Harvard, King of Kong, Losers, NYC Plastic Surgeon Breaks Donkey Kong World Record, Plastic Surgeons, Queens, Records, The 80's, Twin Galaxies, Weird American Behavior, Winners, Winning, World Records
Hails from: Bangalore, India (via Bihar and Patna)
Known for: Efficiency. Long recognized as a child prodigy (he completed high school by age 9, received a Bachelors degree at 10, and completed his Masters at 12), Tulsi–now just 21 years old–has just completed the six-year Physics doctorate program at the Indian Institute of Science (IISc) in Bangalore to become one of the world’s youngest scientists. He is now potentially the youngest PhD in India. This basically means that he has successfully lived the collective wet dream of Jen’s and my fathers, making us seem all the more disappointing for pursuing careers in the liberal arts at an average American pace (Thanks, buddy!).
Worse Better still, Tulsi adds to the honorableness of his record achievements by humbly crediting his parents, saying, “I feel very lucky that I got proper environment in terms of my family members, particularly my father. He did his best to encourage my talent.”
Golly, we’d have to hate the kid if he wasn’t so freakin’ awesome. And accomplished. And adorable. And brilliant.
Joey Chestnut scarfed 68 hot dogs this weekend to set a new world record for hot dog eating during Nathan’s annual contest at Coney Island. His opponent and archrival also ate many dogs, but sadly, has lost this competition three years in a row–so, like my mom would and his parents probably have, I’ve already forgotten his name.
Competitive eating is gross. And, by extension, so are competitive eaters. These are people who train to stretch the stomach muscle and choke back their own vomit, not to mention lethal amounts of foods that you could sort of see eating in large quantities (until you actually see it done) and foods that make you barf in your mouth just thinking of them, like beef tongue, cow brains, and mayonnaise. What drives a person to achieve that? Why in the world would you take the pleasure away from eating only to replace it with…a stopwatch? What does being the world champ of pounding cabbage, like, do for you? The whole thing is just weird.
I’m willing to rethink my position on this, however, because of one “gurgitator”–even that moniker makes me gag–who’s relatively new on the scene. Her name is Juliet Lee (pictured above and below, with Takeru Kobayashi), she’s only been competing since December 2006, and she scarfed down 23 DOZEN CLAMS in six minutes this past Memorial Day to set a new clam-eating world record (yes, there is such a thing).
Oh, and she’s FUCKING HOT. And I, like everybody else, am unfairly fascinated by gross stuff that hot chicks do (in that way, I’m a dude). She has the face of Michelle Yeoh and a hatefully-teensy waist–she weighs in at 105 lbs.–despite her, um, sport. I don’t even mind that she always seems to be wearing a midriff-baring top like some slutty tween girl who wants to be the first in line to bone a Jonas Brother. I’m sure I’d even find her farts charming.
And Juliet seems kinda normal. She has a college degree in geology from her native China, she owns a hair salon, and she has two adorable daughters. (She also lives in the same Maryland town as Michelle Malkin–love to see that eating contest go down.) Did I mention she’s 42 years old?! She could almost make me forget how demented her sport is, how grotesquely contorted competitive eaters’ faces get when they jam 10 hot dogs in their mouths at once, and how, you know, they eat their own puke. Almost.
Listen up, monkey-spankers. There’s actually a competition in San Francisco for onanists called the Masturbate-a-thon, but if you want to win the thing, you’re going to have to outlast this guy –>.
His name is Masanobu Sato, he hails from Japan, and he’s currently the World’s #1 Masturbator. Last Saturday at the 9th Annual Masturbate-a-thon, he broke his former world record of 9 hours and 33 minutes and jerked it for a whopping 9 hours and 58 minutes.
I can’t figure out what would possess someone to go for this record, although I suppose it’s good PR for one’s stamina. (It, however, terrifies me.) But perhaps it appeals to other ladies? Or dudes? I don’t know how Masanobu rolls, but it seems that if he can play with himself for that long, he could probably stand to spread the (self-)love to both sexes.
[SF Weekly: "The 9th Annual Masturbate-A-Thon (NSFW)"]
[photo by Lauren Smiley]
Filed under: Jerking Off, Masanobu Sato, Masturbate-a-thon, Masturbation, Masturbators, Number Ones, Onanism, Onanists, Self-Love, Wankers, Weird San Franciscan Behavior, World Champion Masturbator, World Records
The world’s shortest man, He Pingping, 20, of China, who stands 2 feet 5.37 inches, met Svetlana Pankratova, 36, the woman with the longest legs (at 4 feet), today in Trafalgar Square to promote the 2009 edition of the Guinness Book of World Records.
He suffers from a type of dwarfism (I’m guessing the dwarfiest kind) which was made so much less freakish by whoever’s decision it was to dress him up like The Last Emperor.
Then things got a lot more awkward when the lady with the giant legs decided to straddle the little guy in the chinky-ass outfit…
…until He Pingping said to the crowd, “Yo! Who’s got an iPhone? Quick! I have the sweetest upskirt photo of all time!!! I’m going to sell this puppy on the internets and make MILLIONS. Does anyone know if giantupskirt.com is taken?! You’re all gonna be working for my tiny ass, like, tomorrow. Suck that, normal-sized bitches.”
I can’t say I’m a big fan of the individual microphones that NBC has clipped onto certain notables in the Olympic crowds of Beijing–Michael Phelps’s mom, Nastia Liukin’s friends, whoever–ya just never know what you’re going to hear. Maybe it’s your average cheering (which is so awkward to listen to without the context of the rest of the crowd), or else it’s personal chatter/words of disappointment/performance criticisms/judge slander that you were never meant to hear anyway. Whatever the audio, it all makes me feel like a totally creepy voyeur. (And listen, I am a creepy voyeur–as any neighbor couples that have ever had sex near a thinly-veiled window will likely attest to–but I really, really hate feeling like one.)
Last night, while watching the women’s pole vault competition, I roused myself from near-Sleepyland just in time to witness American rookie Jenn Stuczynski’s final sky-high bounces. The girl has only even been doing the sport for four years (??) (!!), and kapowed her first Olympic games with an astounding silver medal finish. It should be noted that she came in second just to the very cocky, very gifted reigning double world, triple European, and defending Olympic champion Yelena Isinbayeva, who proceeded to break her own world record a centimeter after claiming the gold.
Beating her would’ve been quite a longshot, and a silver medal for a relative novice is fucking amazing, right? Not according to Stucynski’s coach, Rick Suhr, who congratulated the medalist with this charming, slit-your-wrist pep talk while mic’d up for NBC viewers:
Jesus H., where did Suhr go to school, the New York Academy of Hardass Asian Coaching? Both of my parents were really taken aback by the coach’s unexpected caustic attack, at least that’s what they told me on the phone this morning when we talked about the clip.**
**My dad–who made the same face as Suhr (see left) when he realized I’d achieved second chair violin in honor orchestra instead of first, later clarified that he was mostly taken aback by the fact that any Hardass muthafucka would be egotistical and stupid enough to allow themselves to be mic’d on national television, while berating their prodigy.
I’m pretty sure my parents think that Stuczynski is a total loser.
Filed under: Disappointment, Everybody Loves a Winner, Hardass Asian Values, Jenn Stuczynski Wins Silver, NBC, Pole Vault, Silver Medals Blow, The 2008 Olympics, Voyeurs, World Records, Yelena Isinbayeva
Wei Shengchu, world record holder in the Guinness Book for acupuncturing himself with 1,790 needles, shows his Olympic pride by wearing 205 needles, one for each country represented at the Games. For the Opening Ceremony, Wei plans to break his record by inserting 2,008 needles in his head.
David “My Magic Isn’t Exactly Magic Per Se” Blaine held his breath for a record-breaking 17 minutes and 4 seconds today, an achievement that was broadcast live on The Oprah Winfrey Show. Immediately after completing the mind-boggling task, Blaine told Winfrey that the accomplishment had “always been a lifelong dream.”
It all kind of reminded me of my early years of dating, when every guy I brought home had just gotten off of a tour vehicle of some sort or spent much of their free time peddling records and buying vintage cowboy shirts. They would always look, unsteadily, with four eyes or a smidge of eyeliner, at my dad and talk about their hopes for the future.
It often sounded an awful lot like this:
“I definitely want to like, manage a record shop.”
“We’re gonna sell a bunch of albums. Maybe go to Japan!”
“I’ll probably take some classes sometime.”
My dad would always raise his eyebrows in bewilderment and nod us off. I knew that with our backs turned he would be shaking his head at me, imagining his youngest daughter barefoot and pregnant alongside a 40-year old record store clerk. “These guys,” he would say later, “they have no ambition, no goals. What kind of future do you think they will have?”
I assume that if he heard about Blaine’s long-held ambitions he would scowl something in the same vein: “Holding his breath is his lifelong dream? Tell him to breathe and go to college, get a job!”
Or maybe just “I hate magic!”
Or maybe both.
One of our readers sent us an incredible story from Sky News over the weekend: “Model to Undergo Plastic Surgery to Make Eyes Look Japanese.” 36 year-old Brazilian Angela Bismarchi, a Carnival performer, is getting a new slant on life right before Rio’s annual festival next month.
The profile is so injected with content, we decided to do a line-by-line procedure on it:
A Brazilian model is having nylon wires implanted in her eyes to give them an oriental slant.
DISGRASIAN: Dude, no one even calls a rug “oriental” any more.
Angela Bismarchi…is having the procedure to celebrate 100 years of Japanese immigration to Brazil.
DISGRASIAN: What an, um, unusual way to celebrate multiculturalism. But, okay!
It will be the 42nd time she has had plastic surgery and she is closing in on the world record of 47 held by American Cindy Jackson.
DISGRASIAN: Ooooooh. Now we get it. Creepy.
Bismarchi, who is 6 feet tall and promotes a lingerie collection, is married to a plastic surgeon — he has operated on her 10 times.
DISGRASIAN: You know what people say, “A couple that goes under the knife together, stays together.”
Oh, wait, that’s not a saying.
(In 2002, Bismarchi) paraded with the face of President Lula da Silva painted across her exposed body.
Officers released her after she explained that it was a gesture to Silva’s anti-hunger plan.
DISGRASIAN: “Anti-hunger plan”? [note to selves: file away in case of unfortunate, unforeseen arrest]
Bismarchi had her first cosmetic surgery in 1992 after her daughter was born. She was just 21 and had her breasts lifted.
She liked the result and became so fascinated with cosmetic surgery that her next two husbands were plastic surgeons.
DISGRASIAN: You know what people say, “Do what you love.”