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Total Kong-quest
I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that most people who saw Seth Gordon’s fantastic 2007 documentary, King of Kong (a film about two middle-aged men–a middle school teacher and a condiment magnate–duking it out for the Guinness World Record on Donkey Kong), were not quickly inspired to follow in the principal characters’ footsteps. Though respectfully portrayed, most of the people featured in the film are lovable losers, aging dorks, gamer geeks–and the addiction itself so all-consuming that it alienates even our hero from family, home and daily life.
But of course, someone did. Hank Chien, a 35-year-old plastic surgeon from New York, started playing the game after seeing the film. He recently broke the standing record, held by longtime recordholder Billy Mitchell, with 1,061,700 points in two and a half hours. The score was 10,000 higher than Mitchell’s.
The Kong-querer
Continue reading Total Kong-quest
Filed under: Addiction, Arcade Games, Asians Love Winning Anything, Awesome Documentaries, Billy Mitchell, Breaking Records, Documentaries, Donkey Kong, Excellence, Excelling As A Pastime, Gamers, Guinness Book of World Records, Hank Chien, Harvard, King of Kong, Losers, NYC Plastic Surgeon Breaks Donkey Kong World Record, Plastic Surgeons, Queens, Records, The 80's, Twin Galaxies, Weird American Behavior, Winners, Winning, World Records
AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! LPGA Tour Champion Michelle Wie
Name: Michelle Wie
Age: 20
Occupation: Student and pro golfer
After becoming the youngest player to qualify for an LPGA tour event at age 12 and turning pro at 16, only to have her career declared “over” by age 18, Michelle Wie’s finally won her first LPGA tour title. Wieeeeeeeeeee!
We’ve been tough on Michelle Wie in the past, particularly when she became better known for her bratty tournament shenanigans than her game, but her win this weekend at the Lorena Ochoa Invitational suggests that the former child prodigy who always wanted to compete with men may have grown up and sacked up over the last few years. Certainly what Wie had to say after her win can be taken as a good sign:
“I think that hopefully life will be a lot better (after this), but I still have a lot of work to do.”
“I still have a lot of work to do”…that’s music to our Hardass Asian Ears!
[AP: At long last, Michelle Wie gets 1st LPGA Tour win]
Filed under: Asian Golfers, Golf, Growing Up, Hardass Asian Expectations, Hawaiians, Korean-Americans, Michelle Wie, Michelle Wie First LGPA Win, Michelle Wie Wins, Punahou School Alumni, Stanford, Winners
Hideki Matsui Is The First Japanese-Born World Series MVP
Congratulasians to Hideki Matsui, who was named World Series MVP after the Yankees finished off the Phillies, 7-3, in six Wednesday. Matsui, whose nickname is “Godzilla” in Japan, had a monster night in the Series clincher–he homered, doubled, and singled while tying the record for most RBI (6) in a World Series game. The 35 year-old hit .615 in the Series overall.
Matsui is the first Japanese-born baseball player to receive the Most Valuable Player honor and described Wednesday night as “the best moment of my life right now.” It also may have been his last moment as a Yankee, since he’s reached the end of a four year-contract with the team.
So what’s next for the Japanese outfielder/DH?
Continue reading Hideki Matsui Is The First Japanese-Born World Series MVP
Filed under: A-ROD SUCKS, Alex Rodriguez Centaur Painting, Bandwagons, Depressing News, Hideki Matsui, Hideki Matsui World Series MVP, Japanese Baseball Players, MLB, New York Yankees, Winners, Yankees Win 27th Title, Yankees Win World Series, ZZzzzZzZzZZzzzz
SPORTS ILLUSTRASIAN: Sun Yue, Luckiest Mofo Evar
Congrats to the Lakers on winning their 15th championship Sunday night!!! Most especially to shooting guard Sun Yue, aka the Luckiest Mofo Evar, who’s the 5th Chinese baller to play in the NBA and only the 2nd Asian player to win a championship.
L.A. Lakers Kobe Bryant, Pau Gasol, and the Luckiest Mofo EvarDUDE. You’re AWESOME. You sign with the Lakers in August, get mono, delay your start until December, play in only 10 games before getting sent down to the Developmental League (“D-League” for short, like “D-List” or “D-Student”), return to the Lakers just in time for the playoffs, where you play 0 games…and still manage to get a ring. DUDE. I mean, DUDE. That takes mad skillz!!! Your ability to never come off the bench makes you a prime candidate down the road for 6th Man of the Year (or Invisible Man, I’m not sure which). Your fist-bump stroke is absolutely gen-i-us. And the way you park it on the sidelines the way big men park it in the paint? Quite frankly, the stuff of legends.
Speaking of legends, Charles Barkley, Karl Malone, and Patrick Ewing all committed harakiri late Sunday night when they discovered that Sun Yue has a ring now and they still don’t, and that, no, this was not just some horribly cruel joke.
Filed under: Championships, Chinese Basketball Players, Failing Upward, Fakers, Kobe Bryant, LA Lakers, Los Angeles Lakers, Lucky Bastards, NBA, Pau Gasol Is the Ugliest Dude in the NBA, Rings, Sun Yue, Winners
Two Wangs Make a Right
Dear Alex,
Can I call you Alex? I feel like I can, since you’re Chinese-American and I am, too, and we have the same last name, which means we’re practically related. First things first–congratulasians on winning the CFDA/Vogue Fashion Fund award! You rule! Your clothes–a clever mix of grunge street urchin and 80’s lady—are the bomb! Anna Wintour has found room in her icy, unsmiling, chinchilla-clad heart to love you! In other words, you have arrived.
And now that you’ve arrived, you really don’t need advice from anyone, except your CFDA/Vogue Fashion Fund mentor who comes with the prize. But allow me to make one small, albeit bold, suggestion–as bold as those raggedy denim cut-offs you designed for fall and had the balls to charge $285.00 for when they look like that item of clothing one feels is too trashed to even donate to the homeless–please start saying our last name right. “Waaaang” is waaaaack. “Wong” is right. There is, I’m afraid, no middle ground. Think of this as your Demi Moore moment. Remember back in the late 80’s, circa Ghost, when Demi Moore went from being known as “Dem-ee” to “Duh-mee,” seemingly overnight? Of course you don’t, because you were just a wee lad back then. But, look. It happened. And everyone got with the program. And instead of people being, like, WTF is up with that, they threw money at this born-again creature “Duh-mee” and she became the highest-paid female movie star in the land (until she did The Scarlet Letter, Striptease, and G.I. Jane in that order and all but killed her career, but that’s another story).
You’ve made it, sweetie. Which means that people have to start saying your name right. You could even pull a Prince and start going by a symbol, and people would have to respect that (please don’t). And you don’t want to mistaken for, like, Vera Waaaang’s relasian, do you? She’s so yesterday’s news. And you, my friend, are the future.
love you Wang time,
Jen
Source
Thanks, Jasmine!
Filed under: Alexander Wang, Asian Fashion Designers, Big Wangs, Californiasians, CFDA/Vogue Fashion Fund Award, Chinese-Americans, Demi Moore, Fashism, Name Shame, Vera Wang, Winners
Oops!…I Did It Again
For the second year running, Miss USA fell on her ass in the Miss Universe pageant. Last night, after being named to the Top 10, Missouri City, Texas-native Crystle Stewart slipped during the evening gown competition:
Is this is some kind of metaphor for America’s standing in the world? (Ms. Stewart finished eighth overall.) Ah well–at least her fall will be good fodder for the future endeavors of Miss USA, a motivational speaker who plans on opening a “character development school” after her reign and is currently working on a book called–I shit you not–”Waiting to Win.”
Filed under: Character Development School, Crystle Stewart, Falling Down, Miss Texas, Miss Universe, Miss USA, Waiting to Win, Weird Texan Behavior, Winners
Congratulasians, Kristi Yamaguchi
Kudos to Kristi Yamaguchi for winning Dancing with the Stars last night!
And now, a word from Kristi’s parents, Carole and Jim Yamaguchi:
CAROLE: Well, that was nice.
JIM: Yes, our daughter did very well tonight. Although I noticed that she was a little out of sync during that jive routine. But, all in all, she was nearly perfect.
CAROLE: I completely agree. She was almost perfect.
JIM: Quite close to perfect.
CAROLE: Just shy of perfect.
JIM: A hair away from perfect.
CAROLE: Perfect by most standards.
JIM: As perfect as humanly possible.
CAROLE: Perfect according to the judges.
JIM: True, true. Her final scores were indisputably perfect.
Long, awkward silence.
CAROLE: Well, this night was pretty much perfect, don’t you think?
JIM: I completely agree. Tonight was about as perfect as it gets.
Source: YouTube
Filed under: Dancing With the Stars, Expectasians, Hardass Asian Parents, Kristi Yamaguchi, Perfection, Winners
Everybody Loathes A Winner
You have to love Kristi Yamaguchi, for being so freakin’ excellent every single week on Dancing With the Stars. So good, in fact, that she’s apparently bored the bejeezus out of everybody watching. Should she win? Totally. Will she win? Totally. So where’s the suspense? Just cut to next season on The Surreal Life –her with the chyron, “Former Dancing With the Stars Champion“–and let’s call it a day.
Yamaguchi reminds me of one of those kids that wins some award every year for having the highest GPA until the day they become valedictorian and everyone sleeps through their boring graduation ceremony speech. No thrills, just excellence.
But nobody ever tries to throw a sexist spin on the race for valedictorian. Today, I actually read this story head on CNN.com:
Good lord. When journalists get bored, they really get bored.
Filed under: Boredom, Dancing With the Stars, Everybody's Just Jealous, Excelling, Kristi Yamaguchi, Sexist Spin is so '08, Valedictorians, Winners
AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! David Henry Hwang
Name: David Henry Hwang
Hails from: Los Angeles
Occupation: Playwright
Known for: Winning an Obie for his first play, FOB, about the complicated nature of Asian-American identity, winning a Tony–the first Asian-American to do so–for the masterful M. Butterfly, a post-modern take on Puccini’s opera and the real-life, gender-bending love affair between a French diplomat and a Chinese opera singer (which was later adapted into a film by David Cronenberg), being named a Pulitzer finalist this year for his latest effort, Yellow Face, inspiring our peeps to become artists, writers, actors and dramatists.
If you’re not familiar with Hwang’s work, buy a copy of M. Butterfly right this minute. It’s life-changing, we swear.
Filed under: David Henry Hwang, Drama, firsts, Inspirasians, M. Butterfly, Playwrights, Winners
SPORTS ILLUSTRASIAN: Tough Calls
As much as these words feel like broken chalk on my tongue, I must say them: congratulasians to the New York vaGiants. Super Bowl XLII was a thrilling game and probably the biggest NFL upset I’ve ever witnessed. I’m so bummed for Junior Seau and hope that he returns for another season, because that was no way to end a ringless 18 year-career, particularly his.
History was made yesterday, although it wasn’t just about the Giants beating the Patriots. Head referee Mike Carey became the first African-American official to work a Super Bowl. I was stoked, because Carey is very good at his job, if a bit strict–he’s handed out the most player ejections in the league–and because I find him kinda hot. I don’t know if it’s the ’stache or how his butt looks in those white pants or the exaggerated manner in which he makes calls, a weird cross between the gestures of a traffic cop and a modern dancer. Some chicks (and dudes) dig Ed Hochuli and his ginormo muscles, but not this gal.
Carey and his crew did an excellent job in the Super Bowl, refraining from making too many pass interference and holding calls that might have affected the game’s outcome. But one thing Carey couldn’t do was keep Patriots coach Bill Belichick from walking off the field with one second and one play left in the game.
Did Belichick really think that the clock had run down or was he being a dick, as usual? Was he trying to create a scene at the end of the game and not let the Giants have their moment? I can’t imagine why he’d be in such a hurry to get off the field, since he’s got to deal with this in the offseason:
Would the NFL have buried “Spygate” if the Pats had been perfect?
That’s a tough call that no one now has to make.
Filed under: Comebacks, Historic Moments, Hot Refs, Junior Seau, Losers, Mike Carey, Spygate, Super Bowl XLII Didn't Suck, The New England Patriots, The New York Giants, Tight Pants, Tough Calls, Winners
AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Mirai Nagasu
Name: Mirai Nagasu
Hails from: Arcadia, California
Occupation: Figure Skater and newly-crowned U.S. Champion
Known for: Being the second-youngest U.S. champ in history at 14, standing all of 4′11″ tall, an infectious smile, “extraordinary posture…when she skates” (according to Peggy Fleming), being so durned cute we just want to squeeze her.
After falling on her opening jump in the long program, Mirai regrouped and skated beautifully, later telling reporters, “The fall on the double axel was like a kick in the butt,” she said. “After that, I was like, `Attack!’”
Filed under: Adorable-ness, Californiasians, Figure Skating, FUZZY TUMMY FEELINGS, Mirai Nagasu, Prodigies, Winners
DISGRASIAN OF THE YEAR: Looks Like Everybody Hates Tila Tequila
As you know, we (generally) self-centered bitches of DISGRASIAN took it upon ourselves to pass the baton to our incredible readers for once… and have you decide 2007’s DISGRASIAN OF THE YEAR.
And the people have spoken, loud and clear–in beautiful, loud, unbroken English!!!
Turns out y’all hate this phony-baloney, circus-titted, drive-bi floozy:
We don’t “bi” this shit either.
…even more than we do (or about as much)!!!
A mind-boggling 56% of you cast your vote for Tila Tequila’s denouncement. Her closest competitors were a tied trifecta of hateful DISGRASIANS–Bai Ling, Michelle Malkin, and Gwen Stefani–each of whom barely made a bid with their respective 10% of the vote.
We can’t stand any of ‘em… but we couldn’t agree with you more! Well done, readers, well done! Here’s hoping Tila crawls under a rock and, well, goes away… in early 2008!
“You loathe me… You really loathe me!”Filed under: Butterfaces, Circus Tits, Disgrasian of the Year, Drive-Bis, Letting the People Speak, Midgets, Next to Tila even Kim Jong Il Didn't Have a Chance, Passing the Baton, Tila Tequila, Winners
