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When Worlds Collide, Dreams Are Made: Gabby Douglas And Her Coach Liang Chow

August 3rd, 2012 | 2 comments | Posted by Jen

[via RAMA on Facebook]

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BABEWATCH: Meet My Olympics Boyfriend, Swimmer Nathan Adrian

July 6th, 2012 | 5 comments | Posted by Jen

NAME: Nathan Ghar-jun Adrian

AGE: 23

HEIGHT: 6’6″

WEIGHT: 220 lbs. of man meat

HAILS FROM: Washington state

ETHNICITY: Caucasian and Chinese

OLYMPIC EVENTS: 100-meter free and the 4×100-meter freestyle relay

FUN FACTS: Adrian’s Chinese middle name means “Little Pony”; he won a gold medal in Beijing for the 4×100 freestyle relay even though he didn’t swim in the final; he drinks chocolate milk while he showers (oh to be that chocolate milk!)

It happens every four years. No, I’m not just talking about the Olympics. I’m talking about Continue reading BABEWATCH: Meet My Olympics Boyfriend, Swimmer Nathan Adrian

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How Much Did NBC Pay Kosuke Kitajima To Troll The US Olympic Trials?

June 29th, 2012 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Reigning breaststroke gold medalist Kosuke Kitajima of Japan showed up at the U.S. Olympic Trials this week, presumably because he’s training in the US and wants to scout his rivals. But this is how I’m picturing things really went down:

Bob Costas appears at Kosuke Kitajima’s pad, dressed as a tiny valet-slash-baby penguin. He’s holding an overstuffed envelope of cash, a list of instructions and a hat box. Inside the hat box is a trucker cap–yes, a trucker cap–bedazzled with a number “1″ in gold sequins.

Yes, gold.

Yes, sequins.

The instructions, which Costas goes over with Kitajima in flawless Japanese, are as follows:

  1. Show up at the 100 M Breaststroke Final wearing the hat.
  2. Keep the hat on at all times.
  3. Sit in the nosebleed seats like you’re just there to chill with your bros. (Hence the trucker cap.)
  4. Clap at the appropriate times. If you’re confused as to what constitutes “appropriate” Continue reading How Much Did NBC Pay Kosuke Kitajima To Troll The US Olympic Trials?

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Later, Lakers

May 11th, 2011 | 1 comment | Posted by Diana

Today, the great Phil Jackson announced that he has completed his final season at the helm of the Lakers. In a press conference held so that the man who has won 2 NBA championships as a player and 11 as a coach could properly bid farewell to LA fakers fans, he talked about pursuing adventures outside the NBA:

“That’s always something to get over. But one of the things I watch in my days with my coaches was there was a point, and I’m about at that point, where you either move on or stay in it, you never break away from it and it becomes the rest of your life. I always kind of thought that I’d like to do something beyond just the basketball coaching.”

For those of you how don’t speak bball, I offer you this translasian:

“I am so EFFIN SICK of sneaker squeak and 7-foot-tall children and buzzers and fluorescent lights. I’m tall. I’m rich. I rule. Time to kick it in Lake Cuomo with Clooney, know what I mean?”

He also talked briefly about his less-than-ideal swan song with the team, a second-round shutout by the Dallas Mavs:

“I’m always relieved when a season’s over,” he said. “This team just had an ability to get in a funk and not be able to resurge and find a common thread and turn things around. I never really had a team like that that couldn’t make adjustments and learn from mistakes.”

TRANSLASIAN:

“We got SWEPT by DALLAS, dude. WT fuckin F! I can’t deal with these dicks or this kind of shame ever again.”

[ESPN: No plans to return for Phil Jackson]

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New Girl Crush: Academy Award Winner Audrey Marrs

February 28th, 2011 | 4 comments | Posted by Jen

'Inside Job' director Charles Ferguson and producer Audrey Marrs

10 reasons to love Inside Job producer and Academy Award winner Audrey Marrs:

  1. The first documentary she ever produced, No End in Sight, was nominated for an Academy Award.
  2. The second documentary she ever produced, Inside Job, won an Academy Award last night.
  3. Before she was a documentary producer, she was an art curator.
  4. Before she was a curator, she was a riot grrrl who played in Mocket and later Continue reading New Girl Crush: Academy Award Winner Audrey Marrs

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Total Kong-quest

March 12th, 2010 | 2 comments | Posted by Diana

I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that most people who saw Seth Gordon’s fantastic 2007 documentary, King of Kong (a film about two middle-aged men–a middle school teacher and a condiment magnate–duking it out for the Guinness World Record on Donkey Kong), were not quickly inspired to follow in the principal characters’ footsteps. Though respectfully portrayed, most of the people featured in the film are lovable losers, aging dorks, gamer geeks–and the addiction itself so all-consuming that it alienates even our hero from family, home and daily life.

But of course, someone did. Hank Chien, a 35-year-old plastic surgeon from New York, started playing the game after seeing the film. He recently broke the standing record, held by longtime recordholder Billy Mitchell, with 1,061,700 points in two and a half hours. The score was 10,000 higher than Mitchell’s.

The Kong-querer

Continue reading Total Kong-quest

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AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! LPGA Tour Champion Michelle Wie

November 16th, 2009 | 5 comments | Posted by Jen

Name: Michelle Wie58925190

Age: 20

Occupation: Student and pro golfer

After becoming the youngest player to qualify for an LPGA tour event at age 12 and turning pro at 16, only to have her career declared “over” by age 18, Michelle Wie’s finally won her first LPGA tour title. Wieeeeeeeeeee!

We’ve been tough on Michelle Wie in the past, particularly when she became better known for her bratty tournament shenanigans than her game, but her win this weekend at the Lorena Ochoa Invitational suggests that the former child prodigy who always wanted to compete with men may have grown up and sacked up over the last few years. Certainly what Wie had to say after her win can be taken as a good sign:

“I think that hopefully life will be a lot better (after this), but I still have a lot of work to do.”

“I still have a lot of work to do”…that’s music to our Hardass Asian Ears!

[AP: At long last, Michelle Wie gets 1st LPGA Tour win]

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Hideki Matsui Is The First Japanese-Born World Series MVP

November 4th, 2009 | 1 comment | Posted by Jen

hideki matsui mvp

Congratulasians to Hideki Matsui, who was named World Series MVP after the Yankees finished off the Phillies, 7-3, in six Wednesday. Matsui, whose nickname is “Godzilla” in Japan, had a monster night in the Series clincher–he homered, doubled, and singled while tying the record for most RBI (6) in a World Series game. The 35 year-old hit .615 in the Series overall.

Matsui is the first Japanese-born baseball player to receive the Most Valuable Player honor and described Wednesday night as “the best moment of my life right now.”  It also may have been his last moment as a Yankee, since he’s reached the end of a four year-contract with the team.

So what’s next for the Japanese outfielder/DH?

Continue reading Hideki Matsui Is The First Japanese-Born World Series MVP

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SPORTS ILLUSTRASIAN: Sun Yue, Luckiest Mofo Evar

June 15th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Congrats to the Lakers on winning their 15th championship Sunday night!!! Most especially to shooting guard Sun Yue, aka the Luckiest Mofo Evar, who’s the 5th Chinese baller to play in the NBA and only the 2nd Asian player to win a championship.

L.A. Lakers Kobe Bryant, Pau Gasol, and the Luckiest Mofo Evar

DUDE. You’re AWESOME. You sign with the Lakers in August, get mono, delay your start until December, play in only 10 games before getting sent down to the Developmental League (“D-League” for short, like “D-List” or “D-Student”), return to the Lakers just in time for the playoffs, where you play 0 games…and still manage to get a ring. DUDE. I mean, DUDE. That takes mad skillz!!! Your ability to never come off the bench makes you a prime candidate down the road for 6th Man of the Year (or Invisible Man, I’m not sure which). Your fist-bump stroke is absolutely gen-i-us. And the way you park it on the sidelines the way big men park it in the paint? Quite frankly, the stuff of legends.

Speaking of legends, Charles Barkley, Karl Malone, and Patrick Ewing all committed harakiri late Sunday night when they discovered that Sun Yue has a ring now and they still don’t, and that, no, this was not just some horribly cruel joke.

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Two Wangs Make a Right

November 19th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Alexander Wang accepting his CFDA/Vogue Fashion Fund prize

Dear Alex,

Can I call you Alex? I feel like I can, since you’re Chinese-American and I am, too, and we have the same last name, which means we’re practically related. First things first–congratulasians on winning the CFDA/Vogue Fashion Fund award! You rule! Your clothes–a clever mix of grunge street urchin and 80′s lady—are the bomb! Anna Wintour has found room in her icy, unsmiling, chinchilla-clad heart to love you! In other words, you have arrived.

And now that you’ve arrived, you really don’t need advice from anyone, except your CFDA/Vogue Fashion Fund mentor who comes with the prize. But allow me to make one small, albeit bold, suggestion–as bold as those raggedy denim cut-offs you designed for fall and had the balls to charge $285.00 for when they look like that item of clothing one feels is too trashed to even donate to the homeless–please start saying our last name right. “Waaaang” is waaaaack. “Wong” is right. There is, I’m afraid, no middle ground. Think of this as your Demi Moore moment. Remember back in the late 80′s, circa Ghost, when Demi Moore went from being known as “Dem-ee” to “Duh-mee,” seemingly overnight? Of course you don’t, because you were just a wee lad back then. But, look. It happened. And everyone got with the program. And instead of people being, like, WTF is up with that, they threw money at this born-again creature “Duh-mee” and she became the highest-paid female movie star in the land (until she did The Scarlet Letter, Striptease, and G.I. Jane in that order and all but killed her career, but that’s another story).

You’ve made it, sweetie. Which means that people have to start saying your name right. You could even pull a Prince and start going by a symbol, and people would have to respect that (please don’t). And you don’t want to mistaken for, like, Vera Waaaang’s relasian, do you? She’s so yesterday’s news. And you, my friend, are the future.

love you Wang time,

Jen

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Thanks, Jasmine!

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Oops!…I Did It Again

July 14th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

For the second year running, Miss USA fell on her ass in the Miss Universe pageant. Last night, after being named to the Top 10, Missouri City, Texas-native Crystle Stewart slipped during the evening gown competition:

Is this is some kind of metaphor for America’s standing in the world? (Ms. Stewart finished eighth overall.) Ah well–at least her fall will be good fodder for the future endeavors of Miss USA, a motivational speaker who plans on opening a “character development school” after her reign and is currently working on a book called–I shit you not–”Waiting to Win.”

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Congratulasians, Kristi Yamaguchi

May 21st, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Kudos to Kristi Yamaguchi for winning Dancing with the Stars last night!

And now, a word from Kristi’s parents, Carole and Jim Yamaguchi:


CAROLE: Well, that was nice.

JIM: Yes, our daughter did very well tonight. Although I noticed that she was a little out of sync during that jive routine. But, all in all, she was nearly perfect.

CAROLE: I completely agree. She was almost perfect.

JIM: Quite close to perfect.

CAROLE: Just shy of perfect.

JIM: A hair away from perfect.

CAROLE: Perfect by most standards.

JIM: As perfect as humanly possible.

CAROLE: Perfect according to the judges.

JIM: True, true. Her final scores were indisputably perfect.

Long, awkward silence.

CAROLE: Well, this night was pretty much perfect, don’t you think?

JIM: I completely agree. Tonight was about as perfect as it gets.

Source: YouTube

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