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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Name, Shame, and Blame the Hookers

September 19th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

The Ethics and Integrity Ministry of Uganda announced this week that, in order to fight prostitution (a trade described as “booming” along the Uganda-Sudan border), the government is going to shame sex workers by publishing their names in the newspaper, on TV, and on the Internet. Ethics and Integrity Minister James Nsaba Buturo (pictured) was quoted as saying:


(Prostitution) is not only destroying homes, it is blighting the future of young people and becoming a major facilitator of serious infections such as HIV and AIDS.

And you know how hookers REALLY LOVE hooking. And their Johns are so good to them, buying them expensive stuff on Rodeo Drive like Richard Gere did in Pretty Woman. It’s not that prostitutes can’t do other jobs, either, it’s just that suckin’ old ugly cock for a living is so DAMN FUN. And the very serious threat of contracting HIV/AIDS while fuckin’ for money makes it SO COOL and THRILL-SEEKY. So the only way to shut prostitutes down is to make them feel BAAAAAAAAAAD about what they’re doing because they like it WAAAAAAAAY TOO MUCH.

The Ugandan government is also contemplating outlawing the miniskirt, aka Whore Gear, because, as Minister Buturo puts it:

The mini-skirt can cause an accident when you are sitting with a woman in a car. Men while driving gaze out when they see these women and this causes accidents,” he said.

And, as we all know, those men driving those cars while checking out those prostitutes in those miniskirts have NO CONTROL over their actions whatsoever!

This miniskirt is the problem. Not your raging boner. (Woman pictured is not actually a hooker. Just a desperate wannabe.)


Yes, yes. Name, shame, and blame the hookers! Because, as our friend who works in Uganda advocating for women’s rights told us today, “Prostitutes just aren’t stigmatized enough, right?”

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Mariah Crazian

April 14th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Dear Chubs Mariah,

You’ve had a long, illustrious career that, for the most part, we don’t really understand. How does anyone as obsessed with glitter, honey, and butterflies actually make money besides Lisa Frank? How can you make psychotic multi-part appearances on Cribs or perform as pictured above and, as a result, outsell Elvis–while Britney Spears does most of the same shit and gets called a fat, crazy, pig while being forced into lockdown by her father?

You are nuts. We’re pretty used to it. But since we hum along to your Christmas tracks every December, we tend to let it slide.

But now, this E=mc² business, naming your album after a theory you probably can’t spell, is bologna, as we’ve stated. That doesn’t make us mad, it just makes us sad. You’re trying to claim our shit–brain stuff–and you don’t gots any, yo. We can get over that.

What we can’t get over, is you titling a song on that album “I’ll Be Lovin’ U Long Time”… NOW THAT IS BULLSHIT. What’s Track #8? “Suckee Fuckee U So Luckee!”

GO DUNK YOUR HEAD IN A TOILET, YOU GINORMOUS, STUPID, DEMENTED, SKANKY, LISA FRANKY POSEUR.

xoxo
Diana

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Absolute Celebutardasian

April 1st, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

I have absolutely no idea why I know that Paris Hilton spent a half hour with a fake shaman, or that Audrina Patridge even exists (and got a fake tattoo in chinaspeak spelling out “fried meat and rice” last week). I resent myself for spelling their names correctly, and to boot, spelling those names on Jen’s and my sacred blog (where they share real estate with real winners like Michelle Malkin and Tila Tequila). Yes, yes, for these things I am truly ashamed.

And okay, I’m also a little embarrassed that, like lots of other celebublog readers, I fell for both fauxperiences–worst of all, placing a call to Jen on Friday that went something like: “Dude. Audrina, that girl with the weird floating eyes on The Hills got a wack Chinese lettering tattoo. Can you read it? It’s so wrong! Take her ass to court!”

I was fooled for a minute, sure. But what annoys me more is word on the e-street that both staged photo-ops were apparently produced bits for Ass-ton Kutcher’s new “gotcha!” series, Pop Fiction–a self-rewarding, for-celebutards-by-celebutards reality show in which idiot camera whores poop the paparazzi. Because the famous-for-nothings need more reasons to congratulate themselves.

“TAKE THAT, ‘TMZ‘! Now watch me in ‘The Butterfly Effect.’”


Wow. Who orders up eight episodes of this shit? I think we should all be ashamed.

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You Better Hope You Never Meet These Two "Asian Whores" In a Dark Alley

May 17th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Yeah, yeah, I know. Jim Nelson, GQ editor-in-chief, who wrote in this month’s issue to readers, “visualize what you want (an Alfa Romeo? Leather pants? An Asian whore?),” is a CHEESEDICK in desperate need of a blowjob (and, uh, good fucking luck trying to get it from an Asian sista). It’s not the first time we’ve been called whores, and it won’t be the last.

Nelson has since backpedaled and told Page Six, “…I’m skewering a Western attitude that one ought to find noxious. The notion that Westerners can have and exploit whatever they want.”

Uh-huh. And how do you spell BULLSHIT in Cheesedickese?

But while we’re on this subject, let’s take a look at ourselves in the mirror, shall we?

1) From the Asia Times Online Community and News Discussion:

Gong Li is a sellout whore. What little respect I had for her was completely destroyed the moment I found out about the upcoming movie, ‘Miami Vice’”

2) From the forum of yellowworld:

ASIAN WOMEN WHO DON’T DIG ASIAN MEN ARE ALL WHORES. THEY HAVE No JUtificATION FOR BEING SUCH SLLUTS!!!11 THEY ARE OURS AND SHOULD KNOW THAT!!! RACIAL BACKGROUND MAKES US ALL THE SAME. DIFFERENT RACES ARE LIKE DIFFERNT SPECIES. ASIAN WOMAN ARE ONLY SUPPOSED TO MATE WITH ASIAN MEN!!111!! IF yOU ARE AN ASIAN WOMAN WHO LOVES A WHITE MAN, YOU ARE AUTOMATICALLY A WHORE BECAUSE YOU’VE VIOLATED THE SOCIAL XCONTRACT!!!! NO ONE CAN TRUST YOUR WORD!! :mad:

3) From the Model Minority: A Guide to Asian American Empowerment forum:

Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2007 12:07 am Post subject: Disgrasian Blog

The blog discusses the same subjects that we do and is written by 2 AFs, but they seem to be SOWs. Discuss.”

SOW, by the way, is the acronym for “Sell Out Whore,” which is often a substitute for AF (Asian Female) in Intra-sian discussion.

So what’s up with that, my Asian brothers?

WE’VE GOT YOUR BACK. DO YOU HAVE OURS?

“Call me a whore again, and I’ll cut your dick off”

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Mourning is a Trend

March 19th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


Fame whore and “Interior Designer” Bobby Trendy appeared on The Tyra Banks Show last week to articulate his very necessary thoughts on the life and death of Anna Nicole Smith, as well as extend his five or six minutes of borrowed fame vis a vis the gluttony and boredom of daytime television audiences.

Meanwhile, if you’ve passed by his La Cienega showroom in the last couple of weeks (side question/note: Who is he banging? How can he afford this overhead? Who pays this man real money to staple fuschia feather boas onto pink chenille pillows? If there is someone this stupid with this much money to burn, I need this person to finance my movie…), you may have noticed his attempt at a subtle–albeit somehow more repugnant–cry for attention: a solitary framed photo of Ms. Smith displayed on a sad, hideous showroom chair.

Bobby. Here’s the thing: You disgust me. And here’s why: Your gaysian and outrasian shtick is more than tacky, it’s the stuff of hell. It gives me fuzzy pink nightmares. It gives me pepto bismol-colored heaves.

More reasons:
You wear too much lip gloss.
You wear “custom-made outfits.” Every day.

And possibly worst of all…

“We’re-semi-quasi-half-true-some-of-the-time-and-okay-with-that database” Wikipedia reports:

Bobby Trendy is a Vietnamese-American interior decorator, designer and television personality. According to his publicist, his birth name is Robert Trendih[1]. A certificate of incorporation for a company known as Bobby Trendy, Inc, indicates his real name may be Robert Trinh.

And I believe them.

You
are
a
DISGAYSIAN.

Go
Away.

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