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DISGRASIAN’s First Fan-Fiction: When Jan & Diane Met Ken & Donny

July 28th, 2010 | 4 comments | Posted by Guest Contributor

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG.

What you’re about to read is UH MAY ZING.

Remember last week when we introduced you to our alter egos, Jan and Diane?  Those gals who are so, so, so not us?  The post ended with Jan and Diane in full bridezilla regalia, and one of our readers, crazyDonna, wanted to know who those ladies ended up marrying.  And we were like, You tell us.

So she told us.

And as you will see from this fan-fic about our alter egos, Jan and Diane, crazyDonna is not only crazy, she’s also a genius with stock photos, hilariously funny, and undoubtedly our favorite new person on the planet.

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Jan and Diane are BFFs who have awesome lives and are basically perfect. Yet even for them, finding their Mr. Rights wasn’t easy. Busy professionals making oodles of money don’t have time to meet guys! So Jan and Diane turned to modern technology to help them out. Yes, they used… the Internet!

JAN: Online dating is perfectly fine nowadays.
DIANE: Everyone’s doing it.

So Jan and Diane posted a personal ad (together, like they do everything else!).

DIANE: At e”CharmMoney”.com!
JAN: Oh, you! [giggles]

At first, the results were disappointing.

JAN: I mean, the guys were cute.
BOTH: Of course!
DIANE: But they had issues. Like, you absolutely could not touch Giorgio’s hair, or he would freak.
JAN: And why was Carl always looking for phone booths, anyway?

DIANE: Then there were those two guys who said they were in LXD. Continue reading DISGRASIAN’s First Fan-Fiction: When Jan & Diane Met Ken & Donny

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Meet Our Alter Egos, Jan & Diane

July 23rd, 2010 | 16 comments | Posted by Jen

Over the last 3 1/2 years of maintaining this site, we’ve developed alter egos.

Before you think we’ve gone totally crazeballs, let me just say that we didn’t develop these alter egos ourselves. No, see, they were developed for us. Who knows? Maybe they even exist. Maybe they’re our selves in a Sliding Doors-kind of parallel universe. Maybe they’re already planted in our subconsciousness a la Inception, and they’re more real than the real. All we know is we get email and Facebook messages for them all the time.

Their names are JAN and DIANE.

Like us, they’re BFF. Like us, they think of themselves as sisters. Unlike us, Jan and Diane have closets full of mock turtlenecks, their favorite restaurant is the Olive Garden (Intern Jasmine’s theory), they actually have savings accounts, they’re cat people, they love to drink cocktails that are first and foremost the colors of pretty bridesmaid dresses, they majored in something useful in college, and they’re not disappointing to their Hardass Asian Parents.

But enough out of “Jen and Diana,” meet our better halves…

This is Jan and Diane at their computers, not grumpily blogging, still half-asleep at midday, but happily using Quicken at the crack of dawn to keep track of their money (P.S. That’s decaf in the red mug):

This is Jan and Diane at their day jobs, where they make their oodles of money that they then have to keep track of with their personal accounting software (JAN: That cancer’s Continue reading Meet Our Alter Egos, Jan & Diane

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