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There’s only one way to celebrate John Yoo’s 42nd birthday (it’s today)–and that’s to bestow upon him the sort of kind words my Hardass Asian Grandma would offer a grandson like him if she were still alive today:
“How old are you today? 42?
Ai-ya!!! 42 is so old. So old. Life is over.
You know, you not look healthy, John. Now that you so old you have to think about your health. Your face is so fat. Your blood pressure is bad. When grandpa was your age he weigh 140 pounds and move dressers and refrigerator all around our house. Grandpa was strong and healthy.
You know, your mother says you do not visit at all, only four times a year for holidays. Such bad children after they come to America, they do not care about taking care of their mothers.
You look so old, John! You should exercise. Your wife leave you if you look too ugly.
My other grandchildren, they give me three and four and five great-grandchildren. What you give me? My friends at singing group tell me you like torture children. Ai-ya! That is bad, devil child! Why you so bad?
I work so hard all my life to get grandchild like this. 42 years waste!
Here, take some leftovers home with you.”
WHAT, GUYS!?!?! THIS IS HOW WE CELEBRATE!
Filed under: Birthdays, Bloat Face, Blood Pressure, Bush Administration, Celebrasians, Conservative Pieces of Shit, Grandchildren, Hardass Asian Grandmas, John Yoo, John Yoo Birthday, John Yoo Is A Cheesdick, John Yoo Torture Memo Author, Leftovers--Yum, White House Pawns