You are currently browsing posts tagged with We’re Taking Over Everything

SPORTS ILLUSTRASIAN: The New York Yankees Speak Fluent Ka-Ching-Chong

June 19th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Yesterday, the New York Yankees announced the signing of two Chinese prospects to minor league contracts. Left-handed pitcher Kai Lu and catcher Zhenwang Zhang, both 19, are the latest players to join the Evil Empire, and the first mainlanders to be inked by MLB. The league’s official website reported:

“This is an exciting opportunity for us to integrate Chinese players into the organization,” said general manager Brian Cashman. “We believe that this is the start of something we can develop further as we work toward our commitment to help grow the game of baseball in China.”

Well played, Yankees. These signings officially make you the most Asian team in baseball. Not only because you’ve got Matsui, Wang, Igawa, and these two 19 year-olds, but because your relentless pursuit of the Number One spot–in your division, record books, revenues, payroll, and now, in China–makes you unmistakably one of us. It’s as though you guys want to be Valedictorian of the Universe. Normally, I would grant you Honorasian status based on that drive alone, but then I remembered that you’re the Yankees, and I hate you, so…good fuckin’ luck.


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We Love to Be The Best

June 11th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Did you know that there’s a world championship…of pole dancing? I had no idea. The 2005 world champ, Reiko Suemune, is Japanese–overachieving even in skanky professions!–and was recently snapped at her Tokyo pole dance studio, Luxurica, doing some crazy-ass moves.

Pole-dancing with a gigantic belt on! Top that, bitch!

The hard-hitting Reuters news story accompanying this photo was that pole-dancing is gaining popularity in Japan as a form of exercise. Please please help Reuters get the word out on this. The world needs to know!!!


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No More Beans-and-Ricism

June 1st, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Xinhua news agency reports that the Asian Pacific American Legal Center here in L.A., a very cool advocacy group, recently polled 2,200 Asian-American voters and found that “62 percent favored legislative attempts to legalize undocumented immigrants” and nearly “60 percent opposed further efforts to bring criminal charges against the undocumented.”

Didja know that Asian-Americans are the fastest-growing ethnic group in the U.S? And that Hillary Clinton has her own Asian-American voter outreach advisor, Doris Matsui? Or that Obama tried to show he’s down wit us, issuing a statement honoring Asian Pacific American Heritage Month, which ended yesterday (although not for us, where every month is…well, you get the picture)?

Support our Latino brethren and make some changes, peeps!

Click here to learn more about the Asian Pacific American Legal Center.


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Korean B-B-OYS

April 26th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

For every B-Boy tragedy, there is an equal and opposite B-Boy triumph.

I feel like I’m the last person to know about this, but breakdancing is blowing up all over Asia, especially South Korea. Check out this video of “The End,” bboy in the Korean “Gambler Crew.” This is our krumping, y’all!

The Gambler Crew is featured in Planet B-Boy, a doc about breakdancing around the world, to be released in June. For more info, go to

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Boston Has Yellow Fever

April 12th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Yesterday, at the crazy-hyped game between the Boston Red Sox (aka Daisuke Matsuzaka) and the Seattle Mariners (aka Ichiro), Felix Hernandez, 21, pitcher for Seattle, stole the show. The Venezuelan Hernandez, who some people are already talking Cy Young about, allowed only one hit and zero runs, beating Boston, 3-0.

Sir Dice-A-Lot did get Ichiro out each of the four times he faced the mono-appellationed star. The much-anticipated meeting between the two brought every Asian person in New England out to Sir Dice-A-Lot’s Fenway debut:

And, of course, the more traditional Boston fan showed to the home opener:

“Yokoso” means “welcome” in Japanese. But I’m pretty sure the Sox fan in the glasses knows that.


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The Real American Idol

April 4th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

The NYT published a very nice story today about how young Asian musicians are taking over the classical world in the States and Europe.

What caught my eye was this little girl, who’s training at Juilliard. Her name is, I regret to say…Poony Poon. No, I’m not making that up. I really really really hope for her sake that she can play the piano, because there’s an oh so high chance of her stumbling into another, um, vocation.


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World’s Tallest Man and His Shorty

March 28th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

The world’s tallest man, Bao Xishun, got married a few days ago to Xia Shujuan. Bao, who is Chinese, stands 7’9″. Here is the new couple at home:

So, the tallest man in the world is ASIAN?

DUDE. That is SO…HUGE.


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