You are currently browsing posts tagged with Weird Louisianan Behavior

DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Bobby “Birther” Jindal Proves He’s A US Citizen And A Gaping Asshole

May 13th, 2011 | 2 comments | Posted by Jen

Brown People, take note. In the future heretofore, you will be required to submit your birth certificate when seeking or holding public office in the United States of America. Only long-form birth certificates will be considered valid. In addition to providing the necessary documents when seeking public office, you will be required to submit your driver’s licenses when operating a motor vehicle, even lawfully (known colloquially as “Driving While Brown”), and two forms of identification when attempting to buy flat-screen TV’s larger than 48″, fireworks where the sale of fireworks is legal, Sudafed, short-haired cats, luxury aquariums, foreign-made cigarettes, and ice cream in gallon-sized tubs as opposed to pints.

Why, you ask, Brown People? Because you WANT so many things. You want the feeling of belonging in this country, the feeling that you aren’t alien or foreign, that you’re a native son and not some brother from another planet.

And everyone knows these are things that traditionally belong to White People.

Moving forward, Brown People, please take a page from the book of Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal. While Governor Jindal is, in fact, a Brown Person like you, he still recently supported legislation that casts suspicion on the belongingness of Brown People. Why, you ask, Brown People? Especially when it boomeranged back to Governor Jindal and cast suspicion on Jindal himself, resulting in the governor having to produce his own birth certificate to prove that he’s a citizen?

Because Bobby Jindal believes that being asked to produce your birth certificate to prove you’re a U.S. citizen when you hold public office and you are Brown isn’t racist.

Why, you ask? My goodness, you People have so many questions. If you ask any more, I’ll be forced to ask for your papers. Besides, I think the answer is very, very simple.

[HuffPo: Bobby Jindal Birth Certificate Released (PHOTO)]
[Reuters: Louisiana governor Jindal caught in birther flap]

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Anti-Miscegenation Justice Of The Peace Resigns

November 3rd, 2009 | 5 comments | Posted by Jen

Remember Keith Bardwell? The Louisiana Justice of the Peace who refused to marry Beth Humphrey and Terence McKay, because she’s white and he’s black, and Bardwell thought the union would be bad for their future children?


Well, his ugly, old, racist ass just resigned.

That’s what we call “justice.” That’s what we call “peace.”

[AP: La. justice quits after interracial wed flap]

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We Want Justice For Justice Of The Peace Keith “Anti-Miscegenation” Bardwell

October 19th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Dear Louisiana Judicial Review Board,

Please do the right thing and kick this no-talent, no-account, oatmeal-y, quadruple-chinned, unapologetic, unlawful, unconstitutional, ugly-ass, racist Jabba the Hutt motherfucker to the curb.

Thank you so much for your time.



[CNN: Justice stands by refusal to give interracial couple license to wed]
[The Hill: Jindal, Landrieu call for judge's removal]


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July 3rd, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

“Hello America! I’m Bobby Jindal, Governor of Louisiana. Perhaps you remember me from my
awesomely bad Republican response to President Obama’s February 24 speech? I’ve been super busy in my home state lately–in fact, I just passed some cool new legislation, just this week! See, here’s the thing: all of us here around the office, we’d been thinking–there are lots of dummies around these parts, young adults that grow up unable to do hard stuff like add and read, and that makes us, like us-us, look bad. It’s like we have an educational problem or something.

So we solved it! This new legislation will allow kids to get into high school without taking some dumb, difficult standardized tests. And if somebody isn’t “feeling” high school, they can just get on the “career track” program and have easier requirements! They would’ve “slipped through the cracks” anyway, guys!

Phew! So it’s a win-win for all involved–we don’t need to improve the schooling, the students don’t need to improve themselves, and everyone looks better for it. Mediocrity has never tasted so good!”

[2theadvocate: Gov. Jindal approves new diploma ]

Thanks, Jasmine!

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Bobby Jindal: Just Another Politasian

November 25th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal was in Iowa over the weekend, special guest at the “Celebrating the Family” fundraiser held by the Iowa Family Policy Center. In a speech to 800 attendees, Jindal called for a reconciliasian between conservative voters and their new president:

“Whether you voted for him or not,” Jindal said of the new president, “whether you supported the new leaders of Congress or not, they’re our president. They’re our Congress. They need our prayers. They need our support.”

Smooth move, Bobby Jindal.

Not so smooth was his choice to speak at a banquet held by the anti-gay, anti-choice Iowa Family Policy Center. Same-sex marriage rights will be decided in the Iowa Supreme Court next month, and the Iowa Family Policy Center is leading the hateration against it, calling proponents of gay marriage “anti-family.”

You know what’s really “anti-family”? Half of the poor, elderly, and disabled from New Orleans who are permanently displaced from their homes since Katrina. And the lack of affordable housing or even a plan for affordable housing for these families. Not to mention the thousands of people still living in FEMA trailers.

Get your own house and your own damn family (i.e. Louisiana) in order before you start stumping in Iowa, Bobby Jindal! Sheesh. We thought you were smarter than that.


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Miss Teen Dumbass

October 22nd, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Reigning Miss Teen Louisiana, Lindsey Evans, lost her crown yesterday–11 days early–after she dined ‘n’ dashed with three female friends in Bossier City, LA over the weekend but FORGOT HER PURSE IN THE RESTAURANT. Which, in addition to her ID, ALSO CONTAINED A BAG O’ WEED. (The bill, by the way, was $46.07 for 4 people.)

This is just lazy and stupid. Leaving your purse at a restaurant where you skip out on the check? That’s shamefully poor planning. Forgetting your bag of weed anywhere? What the hell kinda stoner is she? She either hasn’t smoked enough to understand its value or she’s smoked way too much to remember anything; whatever the case may be, her little pea-brain clearly can’t afford it. Also, what sort of pretty white girl can’t charm her way out of getting busted for not paying an inexpensive check and carrying a little bag of pot in her purse?

The only good news for Lindsey is that she won’t be needing brain cells in the future, where she hopes to become a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader. On second thought, I’m sure she’ll find a way to fuck that up, too. High-kicking in white boots and your underwear does require some basic motor skills and coordination.

Check out her mugshot. She looks like Tracy Flick’s dumb cousin whom Tracy is ashamed of and refuses to acknowledge in school:


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