DISGRASIAN™

The Revolution Will Be…Eventually Turned Into A Marketing Campaign For Fresh Breath

To the non-violent protesters, people power revolutionaries, and good people across the Middle East and North Africa, a glimpse into your future:

Gandhi made of Chiclets: An Indian ad for Happydent White chewing gum

Because as Gandhi himself once said, “Anger is the enemy of non-violence and pride is a monster that swallows it up. And terrible breath is what that monster belches up once he’s finished feasting on his rage.”*

*More of a paraphrase than a direct quote.

[copyranter: Gandhi, Mother Theresa selling gum in India]
[Happydent website]

Filed under: Ad Campaigns, Capitalism, Civil Disobedience, Democracy, Egypt, Gandhi, Gandhi Gum, Happydent Gum, India, Iran, Jordan, Middle East, Mother Theresa, Nonviolence, Nonviolent Protest, Nonviolent Protesters, North Africa, People Power, Revolutionaries, Revolutions, The Revolution Will Be Marketed, Tunisia, Weird Indian Behavior

In Vitro Fertilizasian

Omkari Panwar, 70 (or 72, depending on the report), became the oldest woman to give birth last week when she delivered twins (a boy and a girl) by C-section in India. Panwar, who already had two children and five grandchildren, spent her life savings on in vitro fertility treatments and eight months of her pregnancy on bed rest so that she and her 75 year-old husband, Charam Singh, could have a son. Singh told the media after the twins’ birth:

“The desire for a male child has always been there, but God did not bless us with a male child,” he said of the son who is a product of in vitro fertilization. “Now, we are very grateful to God, who has answered our prayers.”

Panwar, who had a difficult pregnancy and was bleeding when she arrived at the hospital for her delivery, also released a statement:

“We are over-the-moon about the birth of our son. And, uh, oh yes! What’sherface, our daughter. And to those critics who think this was a totally effed idea, I would like to say, I consider myself a lucky woman.

I got pregnant, after all, without having to go near my husband’s old, shriveled weiner, which looks like a banana that became so brown and spotty that even the beggars and lepers refused to eat it and then was buried in the ground for ten thousand years and shat on repeatedly by baby elephants only to be unearthed by archaeologists looking for Roman coins and beads, much to their disappointment.

And that, my friends, is a blessing.”

Source

Filed under: Charam Singh, Impregnasian, In Vitro Fertilizasian, Male Heirs, Old Pregnancy, Omkari Panwar, This is Bullshit, Twins, Weird Indian Behavior

File Under Weird Indian Behavior

Introducing the “Ooogle” sari, by Indian designer Satya Paul:

For those who feel that wearing the logo of a bajillion dollar Internet juggernaut comes off as a little ostentatious, perhaps you’d like to consider the much more subtle “Money” sari or the understated yet still fashion-forward “Barcode” sari:

None of these saris, however, hold a candle to the Toilet Paper Wedding Dress.

(via Our Delhi Struggle)

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Filed under: Bizarre Phenomena Probably Signaling the End of the World, Globalism, Google Owns Your Ass, Name Brands, Search Engines, Sorry Saris, The Ooogle Sari, Weird Indian Behavior

Yum?

Not that I’ve ever tasted it or nuffin’, but condom latex is Naaassty.

So you can imagine my surprise and delight to hear that Hindustan Latex in India just launched a new Paan-flavored condom to ease a little bit of the gagging. But, I mean, only a little.

Taste tests included banana, chocolate, and strawberry flavors, though the flavor of Paan–a Betel nut/tobacco concoction popularly chewed in India–was the clear winner.

Reuters reports:

Paan is a mildly intoxicating preparation wrapped in a leaf, usually containing tobacco, betel nut and flavourings, and is hugely popular across South Asia. It is chewed to a mouth-staining red pulp before being spat out.

The condoms will at first be made available only to prostitutes, but will we launched to the general public in a few months, the newspaper said.

“AVAILABLE ONLY TO PROSTITUTES!?” What? Wait one cotton-pickin’ minute. THAT’S REVERSE SEX-PROFESSIONAL DISCRIMINASIAN–AND I DEMAND MASS DISTRIBASIAN RIGHT FROM THIS PRODUCT’S INITIASIAN!

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Filed under: Flavored Condoms, Paan, Reverse Sex-Professional Discriminasian, Sex, Weird Indian Behavior