You are currently browsing posts tagged with Weird Chinese Behavior

A Case of Mistasian Pomerasian Identity

December 17th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

When I first read about the Chinese man who mistook his pet Arctic fox–a rare, protected species–for a Pomeranian, I was like, Whaaaa?! But then I saw a picture of Mr. Zhang, the confused pet owner, and I had SO MANY MORE QUESTIONS.


Is the color super-saturated in this photo, or did that fox, who would frequently bite his owner, make steak tartare out of Zhang’s face? Or are those horrible burns? Wicked bad rosacea? Why is Zhang wearing lipstick? Is this what happens to people after something terrible happens to them, like getting their face chewed off by a dog-fox or surviving a fire, that they become incapable of distinguishing between animal species and knowing what’s what in the universe?

So many questions.

[via BuzzFeed]

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File Under Weird Chinese Behavior

December 10th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Saddam lives! And he likes his chicken wings spicy!

A Shenyang, China restaurant uses Saddam’s mug to hock their food, because there’s nothing like the image of a dead despised dictator to whet the appetite.


Yummmmmm!

[via BuzzFeed]

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Product Plasian

August 28th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Sure, it’s probably a not a great idea to plant the smoking seed early by allowing a cigarette company to sponsor young students’ school uniforms


…but hey, cigarettes are fuckin’ cool, right? So these kids, decorated with Marlboro logos, look totally muthafuzzin’ COOL!

And as everybody knows, that’s what’s really important.

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Thanks, Jasmine!

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Earthquasian

July 29th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen
Bai Ling’s earthshattering dancing


In case you live under a rock–we had an earthquake in Southern California this morning that registered 5.4 on the Richter scale. It sent Diana scrambling under her desk at work and me running out to the front yard with my two dogs. It was there that I took stock of what I was wearing–a baggy t-shirt, boxers, and Birkenstocks–and reminded myself that I need to start making more of an effort working from home because one of these days The Big One will happen and I’ll literally be caught with my pants down. While most people I know were freaked by the whole thing, Bai Ling (via her blog) had a slightly different take:

…the earth heard me and is helping me to show the Russian lady and the Russian man that I can make the floor dance, so wired when I stepped on the floor and waved with the earth like a tangle almost waved to the window, maybe it is my dance made the earth happy or mad? The Earth started to shake his ass to show me he is better? And maybe was a way of giving me a worning or celebrate with me as we all are just had a teqeila and drunk? I know there is this little wild spirit in side earth she is just like me wear a short mini skirt and like to surprise people and light a fire.

“(M)aybe it is my dance made the earth happy or mad”???

Well, we’ve seen Bai Ling dance…so, maybe. Just maybe.

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Thanks, Jasmine!

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File Under Weird Chinese Behavior

July 10th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen


Wei Shengchu, world record holder in the Guinness Book for acupuncturing himself with 1,790 needles, shows his Olympic pride by wearing 205 needles, one for each country represented at the Games. For the Opening Ceremony, Wei plans to break his record by inserting 2,008 needles in his head.

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Ricism of Olympic Proportions

June 27th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen
“Eat me!”


Somebody tell me this Reuters story’s not true–“Japanese athletes begin chopstick-less ‘food camp’”:

TOKYO (Reuters) – Japanese athletes have begun a spartan, chopstick-free Chinese food training program to help them acclimatize for this year’s Beijing Olympics.

First of all, a message to Japanese Olympians: SACKTHEFUCKUP. You have to train for speed, strength, and endurance. You have to train to win a gold medal (or a silver or bronze, if you’re cool with slightly disappointing your country). You don’t have to “train” to eat Chinese food, candy asses.

Second, a message to Beijing Olympic organizers: WHATTHEFUCK. You’re in China, you’re serving Chinese food, ergo, you need to provide some muthafuckin chopsticks.

ENDOFSTORY.

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Thanks, Jasmine!

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Bai Want Candy

May 16th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Bai Ling is from Chengdu, China. Chengdu is the capital of Sichuan province, where–if you’ve been living under a rock–a devastating earthquake struck Monday. Bai’s family still lives in Chengdu and, naturally, she was worried for them and wrote about it in a blog entry called “Sad news from my home town…..” (Everyone in her family, as it turns out, is fine.) The post is inexplicably accompanied by a picture of Bai in a wedding gown and shows that Bai’s mind is as slippery as her nipples:

“I glad everyone is fine in my family, but feel sad for the people whom lost life and home and spirit.

Yes it looks like a wedding gown I am waring now, but I am not getting married, but like the idea, maybe one day? Maybe Soon?

Just got an offer, will do another film after I finished ” Crank 2″…”

Her follow-up post on China’s worst natural disaster in 30 years, a disaster that officials are now saying may have claimed 50,000 lives, is called, “A gift for you for today, espacialy the ones in my home town whom suffered when the earth decide to move without our melody……. “

And what, you ask, is Bai’s espacial gift for the quake victims?

Brace yourselves:


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Retardasian

March 11th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Lust, Caution star Tang Wei has been banned in China.

TV and print media outlets have been instructed to pull any advertisements featuring the actress. The motivasian behind the ban has not been disclosed, although there’s a general consensus that Tang’s either too sexy for her shirt, too sexy for her shirt, so sexy it hurts, or Chinese officials weren’t pleased that Tang’s character in Lust, Caution sympathized with a Japanese collaborator played by Tony Leung, who has not been banned even though he actually portrays the traitor. Hmm…

Another thing we can all agree upon? Either reason for the ban is stooooooooopid.

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Communism and Conga Go Together Like Ramma Lamma Lamma Ka Dinga Da Dinga Dong

October 16th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

China’s ruling Communist Party kicked off its National Congress yesterday, a weeklong event held every five years that sounds like one very long State of the Union address, Groundhog Day-style. Yawn!

But then our New York correspondent Greenie sent us the above photo of “hostesses” for the political event taking a break outside the Great Hall of the People, where the opening address took place.

What kind of message is this sending about China’s government, you wonder?

  1. Communism is fun!
  2. Communism is like an awful wedding.
  3. Conga lines, unfortunately, cross all cultural boundaries.
  4. Knee-high, mid-heel black boots are a must-have for Fall ’07.
  5. Red looks really good on Asian skin tones.
  6. Communism is idiotic.

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We Love to Be the Best

October 8th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Two fuckin’ weird stories involving breaking world records have come out of China in the last week. The first is a story of 10 year-old Huang Li, a girl who swam 3 kilometers in the Yangtze River for 3 hours, WITH HER HANDS AND FEET BOUND. Here’s what her Hardass Asian Father had to say about her achievement:

“Next time, she will swim further and I’ll follow her in a boat to ensure safety,” (Xinhua) quoted Huang’s father, who called his daughter a swimming prodigy, as saying.

How very Asian–goals first, safety second. A heartwarming story if I’ve ever heard one.

The other world record story is about itty-bitty couple Li Tangyong, 3 feet 6 inches, of Shunde City, and his new wife Chen Guilan, 2 feet 3 inches, who are hoping to make the Guinness Book as the shortest couple on the planet.

At first I thought their goal was, to be frank, fuckin’ retahded, but when I learned that they had delayed their wedding for 3 years because of parental objections, I had a change of heart.

I realized how small my outlook on their record chase had been. I mean, er, not small, but…short-sighted. Ooh–that didn’t come out right. What I mean to say is…I wish you well, Li and Chen, in your pursuit of happiness and lofty, uh, scratch that…big, I mean, er, grand..uh…well, you know what I mean.

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(Greenie wants everyone to know that little people are people, too)

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Lips on a Hard Nipple

October 3rd, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Remember that awesome doc Hands on a Hard Body, about a contest held in Longview, TX where the last person standing with his or her hand on a new Nissan truck got to take it home as a prize?

Well, a similar contest was held in Beijing this week, only the contestants had to suck on a hard plastic nipple attached to a Chevy Aveo, i.e. “the prize,” if you can call an Aveo that.

The contest winner, Zhang Chunying, sucked hard for 27 straight hours before getting helped off the field after her, uh, I guess you’d call it…victory?

Someone get this poor woman a case of chapstick. Hell, get that poor plastic nipple she sucked on for a day some, too.

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(Thanks Greenie! Let’s enter the Hands on a Hard Maserati contest together!)

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Parisiasian

September 13th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen
Paris, PRC


A few weeks ago, my newly-married Parisian friends came to visit, after taking a month-long road trip through America. Even though Z has lived in Paris for the last 8 years, she is and always will be a diehard New Yorker, as evidenced by the fact that she kept trying to get a good bagel in L.A.

While she and her French husband were driving their rental through some of the gnarlier parts of the country, Z purchased an orange camo trucker hat, which she adorably referred to as her “blender.” Although it was almost neon in color, the blender is a hunting cap, and when Z put it on, she magically transformed from a sassy Parisian-by-way-of-New-Yawk-Fuckin-City to a down-home country girl “blending” with the natives.

So when I heard about this gated residential development that was designed to look like Paris, outside of Hangzhou, a town moneyed Shanghainese sophisticates refer to as their Hamptons, I thought of my French friends.

Reuters reports that Tianducheng, the Paris of China, which has the second-largest Eiffel Tower replica in the world and an Arc de Triomphe, is not the first or last of its kind:

Italian and German towns are also reportedly under construction, and in 2005, shocked English press reported that a Chinese firm in Chengdu, capital of Sichuan province in the country’s southwest, was recreating Dorchester, a village in Dorset that inspired novelist Thomas Hardy.

So when in China, don’t do as the Chinese do.

No blenders required.

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