You are currently browsing posts tagged with Weird Chinese Behavior
Paging Pixar: How Do You Report On A Horrific Crime? Animate It!
You may have heard by now about Jarrod Wyatt (pictured right), the MMA fighter who was recently charged with murder, aggravated mayhem–also known as maiming–and torture of his sparring partner Taylor Powell. Wyatt and Powell allegedly drank some mushroom tea, which allegedly made Wyatt think his friend was Satan, which allegedly caused him to rip Powell’s heart out while he was still alive, cut off Powell’s tongue and face, and cook the body parts because Wyatt was allegedly afraid Powell was still alive (which he was so confirmedly not).
Pretty gruesome stuff, right? So how do you report this kind of story, anyway (the LA Times included a warning about “graphic and disturbing material” in their piece)?
Animate that shit! Brought to you by Apple Daily News and Next Media, the Hong Kong-based gossip outlet who made that infamous Tiger Woods car crash video:
Raise your hand if you believe there were only mushrooms in that tea?
Yeah, thought so.
[LA Times: MMA fighter charged with murder, aggravated mayhem and torture]
Filed under: Animation, Apple Daily News, Bad Trips, Fucked Up Shit, Jarrod Wyatt, Mixed Martial Arts, MMA Fighter Jarrod Wyatt Kills Sparring Partner, Murders, Mushroom Tea, Mushrooms, Next Media, Taylor Powell, Weird Chinese Behavior
DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Is Swinging Criminal?
A lot of people find swinging couples to be reeeeeally ewwwwwwwwwwy. I don’t mind ‘em so much. After all, what do I care? If a couple likes to screw lots of other couples, that’s their thing. And certainly, gettin’ busy is fun—why wouldn’t doubling, tripling, quadrupling up on the busy be even more fun? I imagine those great ’70s pornos where everybody’s scattered around a snow cabin, playing Boggle in their bellbottoms and tight sweaters, then suddenly everyone is naked and muffdiving and moaning like crazy on the floor in front of the fireplace–that shit is AWESOME.
Okay, swinging is probably not good for monogomy (at least according to Dr. Drew), but hey, neither is extended business travel. Or social networking.
My only real problem with swingers is that the only real-life swingers I’ve ever met have been criminally ugly and/or kinda creepy. When I was in college, a person invited me with a cheap business card and a latte order to attend a swingers night, and I swear he was Golum.
So wait. Does this guy look criminally ugly to you?
Continue reading DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Is Swinging Criminal?
Filed under: Hardass Asian Mothers, Ma Yaohai, Man Imprisoned For Orgies, Orgies, Sex Dens, Swingers, Swinging Couples, Weird Chinese Behavior
10 Reasons Not To Get Plastic Surgery To Look Like Jessica Alba (And One Reason To Do It)
A 21 year-old girl in China is getting plastic surgery to look like Jessica Alba.
Now Jess is really, really hot. Damn near perfect, if there is such a thing. Worse, she’s only better in person.
But why would anyone want to look like some actress instead of like themselves?
Why, for love.
You see, Xiaoqing (future patient) was dating some cheesedick for a year and a half that was so obsessed with Alba that it consumed him entirely (read: he is a freakish stalker gnome), and eventually she had to bail. Post facto, instead bejeezus that she got away from that sick, sad, reality-challenged nerdbomber, Xiaoqing began to regret the split and brainstormed ways to get him back. The result of all that thinking was the choice to alter her appearance and become, as Erasure may have put it, Alba-esque.
Filed under: Actresses, Awful, Chinese Woman Plastic Surgery To Look Like Jessica Alba, Donasians That Suck, Douchebags, Everyone Involved Has Major Issues, Exes Suck, Fantastic Four, Ick, Jessica Alba, Movie Stars, Nerd Crushes, Obsessions, Plastic Surgery, Sad, Self-Esteem, Weird Chinese Behavior
One Finger That Makes Quite A Bang
I know I’m really late to the game in finding out about this, but I just read that a 32-year old Chinese martial arts master named Fu Bingli scooped a Guinness world record late last year for doing 12 pushups with one finger.
From the Telegraph:
“I’ve been training since I was seven years old and my index finger has as much strength in it as most people’s entire body,” said Fu of Lianyungang, eastern China.
I read that quote and immediately was like, whoa. Not to get all gross or anything, but my pervy little mind was instantly consumed with questions: What else could ya do with a finger like that? And with what intensity? And uh, how soon??!?!?
But then I realized that his finger looks like this:
Continue reading One Finger That Makes Quite A Bang
Filed under: China, Fu Bingli, Guinness Book of World Records, Index Finger, Martial Artists, Weird Chinese Behavior, World's Strongest Fingers
Pretty Spitty
Some dude on “China’s eBay,” Taobao.com, was apparently banned from selling his product: a tonic composed of saliva taken from pretty girls, after complaints from Taobao users caught the attention of the site’s higher-ups.
Listen, we don’t have any issues with pretty girls (um, my caveat list for the preceding statement is too long to include here), but c’mon, creepos, spit is fucking disgweesting. We don’t want a drop of it landing on our nose when somebody’s talking to us, a big wad of it on the ground when we walk through the park, or a gloopy mess of it in our entree because our dinner mate insulted our waitress. Fuck spit. Fuck it.
But that isn’t what bothers us so much. The thought of somebody ordering a bottle of that bodily ick, paying the shipping and handling, sending over the PayPal amount, anxiously waiting days by the mailbox for the package to arrive, and then opening that package OF SPIT… that makes us sad.
Like, really, really, really, really sad.
Thank bejeezus nobody bought one.
[via Lemondrop]
Thanks, Cecil!
Filed under: Bodily Fluids, Creepy Tingles, disgusting, Ebay, Eww, Gross, Ick, Online Auction, Pretty Girls, Saliva, Spit, Taobao, Weird Chinese Behavior
DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Lai Jiansheng, aka The Bridge Pusher
There was some discussion at DISGRASIAN HQ this week over the actions of the Bridge Pusher, the dude in Guangdong province who pushed a suicidal man from a bridge (onto a partially-inflated, emergency air cushion).
The entire incident was captured on video:
Yes, the suicidal man, Chen Fuchao, who became despondent when he fell into heavy debt, survived with minor injuries. Sure, he had been holding up traffic for five hours. Maybe, you could even argue that the Bridge Pusher, Lai Jiansheng, 66, was simply getting shit done, shit that the police would’ve eventually done themselves.
But what the Bridge Pusher told Xinhua after the incident puts it in a far more chilling context:
“I pushed him off because jumpers like Chen are very selfish. Their action violates a lot of public interest,” Lai said. “They do not really dare to kill themselves.“
Does it sound to you like Lai kinda wanted the suicidal guy to off himself? And that he thought Chen was a pussy for not going through with it? What, we wonder, would have happened if Chen had been contemplating suicide on some bridge in the middle of nowhere, and Lai just happened to walk by? Would he have “dared” him to hurry up and kill himself already? We shudder to think.
[AP: Suicidal man in China gets push off bridge after blocking traffic for hours, survives]
Filed under: Chen Fuchao, China Bridge Pusher, Evil Samaritans, Lai Jiansheng, Suicidal Bridge Jumper Pushed, Suicide, Weird Chinese Behavior
File Under: Other Cuts
This week, the UK’s Metro featured this photo of Wang Xiaoyu, a barber from Changsha, in China’s Hunan Province. A nearly two-decade veteran of martial arts training, Wang is apparently attempting to attract more customers by doing haircuts while in a headstand.
We do not envy the head rush he’ll experience when he shows her the backErr… we don’t exactly see the allure, but maybe he gives a helluva bang trim.
[via DListed]
[Metro: I Could Do This Standing On My Head]
Filed under: Bang Trims, Does This Really Attract More Customers?, Headstands, Martial Arts, Never Getting a Cut from This Dude, Upside-Down Hairdresser, Weird Chinese Behavior
That Chinese Sperm Bank Photo: You’ve Been Shanghaied
I saw this NSFW photo on BuzzFeed yesterday, allegedly taken at a Shanghai sperm bank:
…and my immediate train of thought was, Yick Yuck What the Fuck Their Sperm Works but Their Hands Don’t Being a Woman Blows. And then that quivery Kate Bush song, “This Woman’s Work,” came on in my head, and I was pissed.
But I conducted a little investigasian today and found that this picture first surfaced on the interwebz in late 2008, and it was immediately dismissed as a hoax by officials at Renji Hospital in Shanghai, where the sperm bank is located. So why, then, does this meme still persist? A coupla theories:
- Because the world needs more Asian massage parlor jokes
- Because everything in China is wack and fucked-up and backwards, unlike in the West
- Because Asians are inscrutable, as are their customs
The only good to cum (yuk yuk, me so funny) out of this photo is that I’m no longer outraged, I’m just bored.
Filed under: Chinese Sperm Bank Photo Hoax, Handjobs, Inscrutable, Lies, Massage Parlor Jokes, Memes, Shanghai Sperm Bank Photo Hoax, Viral Internet Trends, Weird Chinese Behavior, WTF?
Chinese Centenarasian Wants to Finally Tie the Knot
A 107 year-old woman in China who has never married announced recently that she now wants to tie the knot, ideally with a fellow centenarian. Wang Guiying told the Chongqing Commercial Times that she was frightened of getting married when she was younger, because she always saw her uncles and other men go all Ike Turner on their wives. She lived on her own and worked as a farmer until she was 74 and too weak to work in the fields, at which point she went to live with a nephew. But that arrangement has become less and less ideal.
“My nephews and nieces are getting older and their children are already tied up with their own families and I am becoming more and more of a burden,” she said.
Hmm. Sounds less hopelessly romantic than totally guilt-trippy. We wouldn’t exactly call public shaming the best man-trap, and normally we’d say a marriage with such a Hardass Asian Biddy is doomed, but something tells us that union, if it ever happens, isn’t going to last, um, that long anyway.
(I KNOW. WE’RE EVIL.)
Filed under: Biddies, Centenarians, Dirty Old Ladies, Guilt Trips, Marriage, Nuptials, Public Shaming, Wang Guiying, Weird Chinese Behavior
A Case of Mistasian Pomerasian Identity
When I first read about the Chinese man who mistook his pet Arctic fox–a rare, protected species–for a Pomeranian, I was like, Whaaaa?! But then I saw a picture of Mr. Zhang, the confused pet owner, and I had SO MANY MORE QUESTIONS.
Is the color super-saturated in this photo, or did that fox, who would frequently bite his owner, make steak tartare out of Zhang’s face? Or are those horrible burns? Wicked bad rosacea? Why is Zhang wearing lipstick? Is this what happens to people after something terrible happens to them, like getting their face chewed off by a dog-fox or surviving a fire, that they become incapable of distinguishing between animal species and knowing what’s what in the universe?
So many questions.
[via BuzzFeed]
Filed under: Arctic Fox, Confusion, Fox Pomeranian, Mistasian Identity, Weird Chinese Behavior, What Gives?, Zhang Pomeranian Owner Arctic Fox
File Under Weird Chinese Behavior
Saddam lives! And he likes his chicken wings spicy!
A Shenyang, China restaurant uses Saddam’s mug to hock their food, because there’s nothing like the image of a dead despised dictator to whet the appetite.
Yummmmmm!
[via BuzzFeed]
Filed under: Dickheads, Dicktators, Huh?, Saddam Chinese Chicken Wings, Saddam Hussein, Spicy Stuff, Weird Chinese Behavior
Product Plasian
Sure, it’s probably a not a great idea to plant the smoking seed early by allowing a cigarette company to sponsor young students’ school uniforms…
…but hey, cigarettes are fuckin’ cool, right? So these kids, decorated with Marlboro logos, look totally muthafuzzin’ COOL!
And as everybody knows, that’s what’s really important.
Source
Thanks, Jasmine!
Filed under: Being Cool, Cigarettes and School Go Together Like Ramma Lamma Lamma Lamma Ka Dinga Da Dinga Dong, Marlboros, Thank You For Smoking, Uniforms, Weird Chinese Behavior
