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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Tony Chan, Sometimes Ya Gotta BS The BSer

November 20th, 2010 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

This man’s limo driver apparently overcharged him by 800 grand:

Too rich to notice: it took months for Tony Chan to notice the $800k missing from his pocket

…so why are we looking at his toothy mug instead of the guy at the wheel?

Well, there’s no denying that the crime allegedly committed by Chan’s driver, Peter Rahhaoui, was wrong. Stealing from anybody, no matter how wealthy, is definitely not okay. So if Rahhauoi is found guilty, it’s slammertime.

But is it possible that this driver, currently pleading not guilty to the offense, is in fact a kind of shadowy, uncelebrated hero–like a less bloodthirsty, NYC version of Dexter, and was simply doing his part as a vigilante scam artist in order to keep the world in balance?

From NY Mag:

“…back in Hong Kong, Chan’s own credibility has been called seriously into question. Chan is accused of faking the will of his mistress, late Hong Kong property magnate Nina Wang, who was reportedly worth $4.2 billion at the time of her death in 2007. She was then the richest woman in Asia. A self-proclaimed feng shui master, Chan began his relationship with Wang as a design consultant and soon became her lover — despite a two-decade age difference. He carried on his affair with her even as his own wife became pregnant and bore a son (who Chan named, wonderfully, “Wealthee”). After Wang’s death, Hong Kong authorities allege Chan forged a will naming him the sole heir to her fortune.”

Not saying Chan deserved to be swindled, or that he’s guilty of anything that hasn’t been proven. Okay, maybe if guilty of all things above, he deserved it a liiiiittle bit.

And if he’s this careless with dough and hiring, maybe Jen and I should be working for him.

[via NYMag]
[BBC News: Appeal In Hong Kong Over Nina Wang's fortune]

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Don’t Make Fun Of Rady Gaga!!!

June 4th, 2010 | 13 comments | Posted by Diana




Gawker writer Adrian Chen wrote a most amusing “Compendium of Unnecessary Lady Gaga Eccentricities” last week, which included observations like: “Lady Gaga thinks ghosts are real and they are haunting her. She spent $4,000 on ghost hunting equipment because she was worried of “Bad energy” infecting London’s O2 stadium.”

Look, I hate the Gaga. I think she’s a poseur. And I know all of you aren’t with me on this but–wait, did I just write that a guy named Adrien CHEN penned a piece slamming a POP STAR? What the FUCK??!?!?

OH THANK GOD. A charming reader–er, leader–named Kenny Tarr–wait, Tall!–already wrote in a complaint.





We absorutery aglee. An Itarian supel-stal who has been in “American” for at reast 100 yeals (wow, Germanotta is older than we thought!”) has evely light to be in this countly! Evelyone knows that AMERICAN berongs to the Itarians!!! Just don’t tell the Native Amelicans and Mexicans!

HOW DARE this Chinaman comment? HOW DARE HE????

[Gawker: When Racist Lady Gaga Fans Attack]

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1 Girl, Many Cups Bowls

May 20th, 2010 | 1 comment | Posted by Diana

Did y’all happen to notice the halftime show during Game 2 of the so-far-tragic Suns/Lakers Western Conference Finals, which aired live last night?

If not, you missed this spectacular spectacle:





A little homework has revealed that this multitasking unicyclist is no NBA rookie. Her name is Krystal Liu, but her performing name is: KRYSTAL, THE RED PANDA ACROBAT. And she does tons of halftime shoes for NCAA Basketball and NBA games. Those are BOWLS she’s balancing on her head while riding around on a one-wheeled, zillion-feet-tall cycle while wearing a mini-jumper. CERAMIC BOWLS! MINI-JUMPER! THIS SHIT IS BANANAS!

But come on, guys… homegirl is SO not a red panda. I know a fuzzin’ panda when I see one.





[USA Today: Lakers Hold Off Suns To Take 2-0 Lead In Western Finals]
[Talent Entertainment: Red Panda]

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Thanks, RJ!

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Total Kong-quest

March 12th, 2010 | 2 comments | Posted by Diana

I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that most people who saw Seth Gordon’s fantastic 2007 documentary, King of Kong (a film about two middle-aged men–a middle school teacher and a condiment magnate–duking it out for the Guinness World Record on Donkey Kong), were not quickly inspired to follow in the principal characters’ footsteps. Though respectfully portrayed, most of the people featured in the film are lovable losers, aging dorks, gamer geeks–and the addiction itself so all-consuming that it alienates even our hero from family, home and daily life.

But of course, someone did. Hank Chien, a 35-year-old plastic surgeon from New York, started playing the game after seeing the film. He recently broke the standing record, held by longtime recordholder Billy Mitchell, with 1,061,700 points in two and a half hours. The score was 10,000 higher than Mitchell’s.

The Kong-querer

Continue reading Total Kong-quest

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Twilight “Manllows,” Just Right For Humping Sleeping

February 18th, 2010 | 6 comments | Posted by Diana

This morning, I discovered via io9 and DListed that Etsy is currently sold out of Twilight-themed “manllows”–body pillows made to look like supernatural teens Edward Cullen and Jacob Black from the waist up.

Teen dream threesome

Seriously, what the hell is this? I want one so bad. I am shocked that Etsy sold out of these already–who would waste their hard-earned cash on something so silly? Want to talk about silly?? I want to hump the Edward Cullen pillow silly. These manllows are so LAME! Just hump and hump and hump and hump. Please say the manllows are machine washable. Kids today, they just blow their money on useless shit. Maybe I will make my Continue reading Twilight “Manllows,” Just Right For Humping Sleeping

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Poodles With Imaginasian

August 25th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Okay, okay. I know it’s cruel and unusual (fine, bordering on animal abuse) to force poodles into these crazy nationwide contests of “creative grooming.”

“Hi. My owner, former cast member of ‘The Bugaloos‘, totally hates me.”

But I can’t help but be in awe of some poodle designers’ creativity (Seriously, camel? Horse? Jack Sparrow? Amazing!!).

And how can I possibly choose a favorite between…

STEEL POODLE

and

PANDA POODLE!!!!

I mean, really? I CAN’T! That’s like choosing between tacos and mulitas, Chloe and Balenciaga, Cazadores and Balvenie, The Velvet Underground and The Pixies. There’s simply no point.

[Daily Mail: Poodle doodles]

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Thanks, Eliza!

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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Myanmar’s Military Junta

August 14th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


A court in Burma sentenced pro-democracy opposition leader and Nobel Peace Laureate Aung San Suu Kyi to an additional 18 months of house arrest (dialed down from a sentence of 3 years hard labor) earlier this week, for violating the terms of her original house arrest agreement. The violation occured when 53-year-old American John Yettaw swam uninvited across a lake to her villa, in attempt to “save” her from assassination–he has since been slapped with seven years of prison and hard labor for “breaching the rules of her house arrest and for violations of immigration law and local ordinances.”

Sadly, despite her lack of volition in the incident, Suu Kyi is still paying the price for Yettaw’s white knight moment.

We think the statement from President Obama says it best:

“The conviction and sentencing of Daw Aung San Suu Kyi today on charges related to an uninvited intrusion into her home violate universal principles of human rights, run counter to Burma’s commitments under the ASEAN charter, and demonstrate continued disregard for UN Security Council statements. I join the international community in calling for Aung San Suu Kyi’s immediate unconditional release.

Today’s unjust decision reminds us of the thousands of other political prisoners in Burma who, like Aung San Suu Kyi, have been denied their liberty because of their pursuit of a government that respects the will, rights, and aspirations of all Burmese citizens…”

But we are perhaps most encouraged by one particular voice of condemnation, which spoke loudly against the conviction from a tour through Africa:

“[Suu Kyi] should not have been tried and she should not have been convicted.”

…and we encourage the junta to take Sec. Clinton’s firm words to heart. Our advice to those assholes—don’t keep this bitch mad for long. Rest assured that she can and will fuck your shit up. And we certainly hope she does.

[Boston Globe: Nobel Peace Laureate Sentenced in Burma]
[TWH: Statement by the President on Aung San Suu Kyi’s conviction and sentencing ]

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Thanks, Cindy and Dave!

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This Sucks and Blows

February 13th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

For the “bong hit heard ’round the world,” Michael Phelps was forced to pay some dues: He apologized. His mom apologized. His bong apologized. His contract with Kellogg won’t be renewed, and in lockstep, Subway almost dropped him as well (Thankfully–now I can still order $5 footlongs when necessary). In order to keep Mazda from pulling their funds as well, the man with the golden stroke was even asked to submit this enthusiastic video apology to his “friends in” (read: all of) China:

Call me a derelict, but am I the only one that thinks all of this nonsense is much ado about bong hit? Phelps has been put through the ringer for a photo he did not pose for, because he was smoking weed (like most of you will do this weekend). I don’t care. I don’t want him to apologize! I want him to go home and polish his medals, and post some pictures of his abs to put up on Facebook.

Meanwhile, Chris Brown and Miley Cyrus stay mum about their recent bouts of questionable behavior, our 43rd President will probably never apologize for his crimes against humanity, and Anne Hathaway shall forever owe the world an apology for her insufferable acceptance speech at this year’s Critic’s Choice Awards.

Seems a bit off to me, but maybe I’m just baked.

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SPORTS ILLUSTRASIAN: China’s 200,000 New Cheerleaders

August 4th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Just when you were beginning to believe that our trade relations with China were totally one-sided–with America buying up all the crap that’s made in China and never vice-versa–here’s an example of China importing our doo:

Yeah, that’s right. CHINESE CHEERLEADERS. Since June, 200,000 Chinese volunteers have been training to be cheerleaders in preparation for the Olympic games. The New England Patriot Cheerleaders were even brought in to assist–why the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders were bypassed, I don’t know–and probably had something to do with producing the ELITE SQUAD you just witnessed in the video (no, I’m not kidding).

Which reminds me. When I was growing up, my Dad used to threatened to disown me if I so much as thought about becoming a cheerleader, and I used to think he was such a fucking Hardass Asian Buzzkill for that, but now I GET IT. I totally get it.

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Just Cuz It’s Chinese, Don’t Mean It’s Pretty

June 23rd, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

JEN: Hey, did you hear about the World’s Ugliest Dog contest? It happened over the weekend.

DIANA: Who would enter their dog in that contest? That’s so mean.

JEN: Right? I mean, what’s the point of having a dog if you don’t think it’s the shit in every way?

DIANA: I heard the dog who won was a Chinese-crested or something.

JEN: What’s a Chinese-crested? How can something Chinese be ugly? I have a hard time believing that.

DIANA: I bet you do. That’s why I hate showing you this…

Gus, the World’s Ugliest Dog


JEN: Holy key-rap, that dog is heinous.

DIANA: It’s butt, dude. So butt.

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