You are currently browsing posts tagged with Weak Protests

How To Prove You’re Not A Racist

April 21st, 2010 | 8 comments | Posted by Jen

How do you prove definitively that you’re not a racist?

It’s easy!

Just add a black friend!

(Asian and Latino friends will suffice, in a pinch, and gay friends, too, are useful when accused of being a general bigot.)

Cuz that’s what friends are for!

Keep smilin’, keep shinin’, knowing you can always count on me…

[via BuzzFeed]

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Andrea Kremer Loves Every Color But Breast Pink

October 12th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

I spent the weekend in the City of Fountains, Kansas City (Missouri, not Kansas), marveling at the waterworks that have been tinted pink for Breast Cancer Awareness Month:

I investigated–not Kool-Aid

…and couldn’t wait for last night, when I would finally see if Sunday Night Football correspondent Andrea Kremer has decided to take our advice and hop on the NFL’s hot pink Breast Cancer Awareness train!

“Eff your lady lumps!”

Instead, Kremer wore another aggressive color: bright fucking banana yellow.

Hey, y’all know we love ourselves some yellow (!!!), but this is getting ridiculous.

[NFL Shop: 2009 Breast Cancer Awareness Gear]
[Susan G. Komen For The Cure - Official Site]

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DNC Updasian: It Cannon’t Be, Cannon It?

August 28th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Rage Against the Machine staged an anti-war rally that busted (pretty light-heartedly, and not so much ragingly, in my opinion) through downtown Denver late this afternoon. Maybe I didn’t sense too much rage because I saw one female protestor drop her section of a very long butcher paper sign to take a lazy drag out of her cigarette, or maybe because the “NO WAR ON IRAN” sign kept drooping out of sight, I simply can’t be sure. Certainly, when five members of the group started the jazzy a capella singalong: “War? Hunh! What is it good for? (Absolutely nothing),” I felt like joining in–that is, until my friend pointed out: “Well, the economy, kinda.”

Kinda. That’s actually the perfect word. This was “kinda” an awesome anti-war protest at the DNC.

Still, a protest is a protest, and this one got plenty of attention from the black-clad fuzz, who you know have just been WAITING to use a bullhorn or a tazer on somebody–anybody–during this arguably quiet convention week. With their plastic face shields pulled down and their hands resting gently on their nightsticks, the hordes of security folks kept their eyes on the troublemakers, even though the makers never really got themselves into too much trouble.

But here’s the thing. At the very back of the rally, I happened to notice the trail of a rather suspicious-looking armored vehicle:


I know you’re thinking what I’m thinking: IF THAT ISN’T A CRAP CANNON, I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS.

Thanks, Christie!

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Hot(?) Chicks

May 15th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

It’s a bad week to be a chicken, especially in Seoul, where detection of the bird flu virus led to the slaughter of all poultry in the South Korean capital (about 15,000 birds in all).

Fortunately, the PETA chicks who protested the United Egg Producers in D.C. Wednesday are All USDA. In advance of the cage-in, the animal-rights group released a description of the event:

Wearing sexy yellow bikinis outside the legislative meeting of the United Egg Producers in Washington on Wednesday, six PETA beauties will crowd into three cramped cages to mimic conditions for laying hens on factory farms.

To our delight, one of our Washington readers sent us the transcript from the protest earlier today:

CHICK ON LEFT: Yeah, that’s right. Chubby vegans DO exist.

CHICK ON RIGHT: People say I’m a dead-ringer for Fairuza Balk.


CHICK ON RIGHT: Or Tom Cruise in Interview with a Vampire.

CHICK ON LEFT: Well, people say my juicy booty’s identical to Beyonce’s. And, no, I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly.

CHICK ON RIGHT: I would’ve been huge in the 90′s.

CHICK ON LEFT: You wanna see huge? Let’s talk about these chichis.

CHICK ON RIGHT: I think I have early onset of osteoporosis.

CHICK ON LEFT: Sometimes, I eat Popeye’s chicken in secret, and then I want to cut myself. All because I have the face of a man.

CHICK ON LEFT: I don’t wear SPF. I think it’s all a scam. I like to be natural, except for the occasional visit to Solar Planet Tanning.

CHICK ON RIGHT: What I wouldn’t give for a cheeseburger right now.

CHICK ON LEFT: I mean, what’s all this about “sun damage”? I’m sorry, I don’t buy it.

CHICK ON RIGHT: Tanning is murder.

CHICK ON LEFT: You have low-blood sugar. You don’t know what you’re saying.

CHICK ON RIGHT: Your décolleté looks like crepe paper.

CHICK ON LEFT: Excuse me?

CHICK ON RIGHT: I can’t take this anymore.

Chick on Right turns her sign around to reveal a handwritten sign that reads, “WILL SUCK MEAT FOR MEAT.”

CHICK ON RIGHT: (weakly) Will suck meat for meat! Will suck meat for meat!

A crowd of people starts to gather.

CHICK ON LEFT: (to crowd) What the fuck are you all looking at? She’s just hungry! She’s not used to being in the sun! I mean, look at her! Nothing to see here, people! Move along!


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Tälk! Tälk!

March 7th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

BJÖRK: (chirping) Tibet! Tibet!

(Uncomfortable pause.)

CHINA: You’re going to have to quit that.

BJÖRK: Quit what? Bing nanananannananananaa ork ork ulp! It’s a political protest.

CHINA: Saying “Tibet! Tibet!” at the end of a song is hardly a protest. Where’s your picket sign? Where is your backup research?

BJÖRK: Happppeeeeeeeeyyyy! Tiny country sad. I feel gindleoy ree ree ree ree brrrrrrrrrrrrrrr veery small!

CHINA: What?

BJÖRK: Kosovo!

CHINA: You did it again!


CHINA: Stop it. This is more complex than that.

BJÖRK: I like that sound. Plex. Plex plex plex. Hoooooooooooo com plex drrrrrrreeedle!

CHINA: You know, you broke Chinese law.

BJÖRK: I have no room eeeeen my brrrain for laws! Lai ay ay ay ay ay ay brrrrrrrrrr drrrrrrrrrrrr ay ay ay ay! Plunk.

CHINA: You’ve hurt Chinese people’s feelings.

(She thinks. Wondrous pause.)

BJÖRK: (Suddenly serious) I’ve hurt Chinese feelings? Don’t you think you’ve hurt the feelings of the Tibetans for over half a century?

CHINA: (Taken aback) Well, I…

BJÖRK: Borscht! Borscht! Borscht! Shunga doo shunga doo da da shawee!!! Arrrrrrrrrrrererer.

CHINA: Never mind.


CHINA: Please don’t come back.

BJÖRK: Woo! Hoo! I’m an owl! HOOO! HOOO!

CHINA: Somebody please kill me. (Reconsiders) No, you.

Thanks, Intern Jasmine!

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