You are currently browsing posts tagged with Ways to Pass the Time in Airports

Million Dollar-Smile

February 5th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Cutest. Paparazzi. Photo. Ever!!! [via JustJared]:

Slumdog Millionaire’s Dev Patel, just happy about traveling

I definitely think there are a few people that could take a cue from Patel’s fresh-faced, grateful pap-titude. And that means you, grouchypantses Lindsay Lohan Jessica Biel Sienna Miller Julia Roberts, Madonna Britney Keanu Reeves Ben Affleck Cameron Diaz et al….

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Naomi Campbell Fill-in-the-Blank (UPDATE!)

April 21st, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen



(UPDATE: The majority of you agreed that Naomi Campbell is a FULL-ON TRANNY which, as it turns out, is the right answer!)

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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Naomi Campbell

April 4th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana
25% Asian, 100% Crazian


Homegirl, you know we love you, cuz you’re so gorge you can’t be human, and we like to think that the 25% of you that is Han Chinese has a little something to do with that (we’re gonna take credit whether you like it or not). And, for the most part, we’re willing to look past your lunacy, because above and beyond you are FIERCE and FABULOUS, and sometimes cuckoo-ness just goes with the territory. And hell, you’re a SUPERMODEL, and supermodels can get away with doing just about anything–like wrapping themselves in clear synthetic wrap and calling it post-modern.

But spitting on a police officer at the airport and getting arrested? Girl, that is downright F.U.B.A.R., not fabulous. And petty airport crime, to boot, kinda reminds of us a D.O.T.W. alumni that we never thought you’d be in associasian with:

Buh-Bai, A-list!


What next? A book called Nipples?

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Grand Theft Asian

February 14th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Conversasian between Jen and Diana at DISGRASIAN HQ earlier this afternoon:

DIANA: Wassssuuppp!!!

JEN: What’s up, lady?

DIANA: I’m tired.

JEN: (Yawns) Me too. Ugh.

DIANA: Oh dude, did you see that Bai Ling got caught shoplifting at the airport yesterday?

JEN: Shut up. Which one? LAX?

DIANA: Yep.

JEN: Oh my god! What did she take? Some duty-free Bulgari bags? Can I have one?

DIANA: Hmm. Actually, I believe it was two gossip magazines and a pack of batteries.

JEN: What are you talking about!?!?

DIANA: That’s what it says at UPI.com. It looks like it’s on TMZ too.

JEN: Okay, first of all, who steals from a fucking airport store? Second of all, who doesn’t pay for batteries?

DIANA: Maybe she doesn’t have any money.

JEN: Diana.

DIANA: Hmm.

JEN: Watch this. (Calls to the front office, where intern Nicolai is on Facebook) Nicolai!!!

DIANA: (chimes in) Nicolai!! Come here!

NICHOLAS: (walks into the room, bitchily) My name is Nick. How many times do I have to tell you bitches that my name is Nick? And what do you want?

JEN: Do you have any money?

NICHOLAS: In my bank account or in my pocket?

DIANA: Either.

NICHOLAS: No, I’m your free, unpaid intern. I do your bidding for the love, not the wages.

JEN: Okay then. Question for you: would you ever steal from an airport store?

NICHOLAS: (looks horrified) God, no! That is so gauche! (Pauses) Wait, like the duty-free shops?

DIANA: No, just the places with the candy and neck pillows and US Weekly’s and stuff.

NICHOLAS: Of course not. Is this some kind of insult? Typically I spend $20 bucks on two bottles of Fiji water, then I ask if they have The Economist, and if they don’t, I sigh and say I’ll just take In Touch.

DIANA: (gleefully) ME TOO!

JEN: And that costs you what, twenty, thirty bucks?

NICHOLAS: Hmm, without the water, maybe nine.

DIANA: And with a package of batteries, maybe sixteen.

NICHOLAS: What do I need batteries for?

JEN: Never mind that. Okay so, even you, poor, broke, you, Intern Nicolai, wouldn’t shoplift at the airport to get trashy mags and batteries to save nine or sixteen or thirty bucks.

NICHOLAS: No I would not and please go to hell.

JEN: Insubordination. We’re done here. Thank you, Nicolai!

(Nicholas walks away, confused.)

JEN: Let’s get a new intern.

DIANA: Totally. A hot one.

P.S. Wanna be our new intern? We’re hiring! Email your resume to info@disgrasian.com (you don’t even need to live in LA)!


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Thanks, Ken and Chris!

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Bai Ling Tries to Pick Jude Law’s Nose in the Airport

August 14th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

BAI: Juuuude. Come heeeere.

JUDE: Excuse me, what in bloody hell do you think you’re doing? Do I know you?

BAI: Don’t you remember? We were in movie together. Sky Captain and the World of

JUDE: Ehrm, don’t remind me. One of the biggest bombs of my careers. Still trying to live that one down, really.

BAI: Why, Juuuude? It was big movie.

JUDE: What in god’s name is wrong with you?

BAI: I want to pick your nose. Because you’ve been naughty boy.

JUDE: You do realize that I’m an advert in Narita airport?

BAI: Soooooooo? Why is your mind dirty, Juuuuude? Why can’t you be free like me?

JUDE: I’m not real.

BAI: What does it mean, “real”?

JUDE: Okay. Security! Help! Please! I’m trapped here and this deranged woman is trying to accost me! Please, someone!

BAI: You can’t run and you can’t hiiide.

JUDE: Someone please. Help. Me.

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