You are currently browsing posts tagged with Wacktors

When in Doubt, Blame the Pap

August 18th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Hayden Panettiere recently revealed to Company Magazine that the public and paparazzi are the source of her relationship blues, a prime example being her breakup last year with co-star ex Milo Ventimiglia.

Why Hayden?

She says:

“It’s very, very difficult and people have no idea what they do to peoples’ relationships. They destroy them. The paparazzi and the public,” [in] a revealing interview with Company Magazine. “The public wants to read about your personal life, and the paparazzi give it to them by nosing into your personal life and saying things that are just not true and horrible.”

So here’s “me,” absolutely shocked at this revelation. And horrified the public and paparazzi would and could poison a relationship so precious as that between two actors.


After all, what could be more rock solid than a union of celebrity performers? Especially involving a young hot starlet deeply embroiled in the hot club scene of Hollywood, and her decade-plus-older beau?

I’m blown away. Jaw agape.

OH! And I’m also holding the world’s smallest violin:

Play it again, Jen!

[PopCrunch: Hayden Panettiere Blames Fans, Paparazzi For Ruining Lovelife]

Source Source Source

Filed under: , , , , , , , ,

Am I Supposed to Hate Angelina Jolie?

June 9th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Pro-woman scholar (we try not to use the “f” word, as in f*minist, here at DISGRASIAN) Naomi Wolf penned an essay for this month’s issue of Harper’s Bazaar, stating her case for why Angelina Jolie’s life is not only intriguing but admirable (and, um, pro-woman), her sphere of influence so very big and round.

Immediately after the article surfaced, scattered voices across the Interwebz snorted and scoffed. Jezebel, whose writers were shamed by Wolf after making asses of themselves on Lizz Winstead’s TV show, responded, predictably, very flatly. But perhaps that’s because Angie doesn’t inebriate as much as she did in her twenties, and only appears to fuck one person at the moment (how conventional!).

However, Double XX also found Wolf’s commentary absurd. The Washington Post‘s Liz Kelly found that the evaluation was downright anti-f*minist. And the celebrity blogs seemed to all share one snarky, repulsed, collective sniff.

So here I am, sitting quietly behind my laptop at DISGRASIAN HQ, wondering why I seem to be the only person that didn’t have that negative reaction. Am I some kind of sucker? Am I, like all those average girls, desperately in lust with Jolie’s pillow lips? And so ignorant of the world’s goings-on that I think she’s also some kind of brilliant saint (Wow, what’s Darfur!?)? Am I just soooo wishing that I was playing house with Brad Pitt? Do I secretly want to be really skinny with veiny alien forearms and big ol’ lady cans?

I don’t have a problem with Angie. I like her. I have seen her present some twisted, brilliant performances (Hello, Girl Interrupted!) and some incredibly fun ones (Gear-shifting in Gone in Sixty Seconds? Bending bullets in Wanted? Come on!). I appreciate the fact that she’s gone from Hollywood bebe to angry tween to escapist user to beautiful freak to self-taught scholar to loving mom, all seemingly without a life coach. I feel like she’s gone through some fucked-up shit, and she’s found the very best way to hold it together–which is to focus (even to the point of vomit) on improving the world she lives in.

Listen: from my experience, I don’t expect a lot from actors (or celebrities in general), save for they be really crazy, entirely full of themselves, convinced that they’re funny, dripping with bad house-decorating taste, and mostly intolerable to be around. If they do anything beyond that, like READ A BOOK, or do U.N. Ambassador work, I’m duly impressed.

Okay, okay. Let’s be real. Look at these cute fuckin’ kids:


Homegirl will never do wrong in my book, as long as those munchkins are around!

[Harper's Bazaar: The Power of Angelina]

Source
Source
Thanks, Cate!

Filed under: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Come on, Shake Your Body Baby, Do the Congo

May 12th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


Lord knows I can be hard on Sienna Miller, because I think she’s shameless, utterly useless and… well… rather used-up-looking trash. Also I’ve never seen a remarkable performance submitted by her, and I really don’t know why she’s famous, save for toting the same ratty Balenciaga bag around for years, and laying a fun amalgam of unusual male conquests.

However, as Jen–with barfy reluctance–pointed out to me this week: there may be a more serious side to the wacktress. One of Jen’s friends actually just finished leading Miller on a humanitarian visit through the Congo, which the starlet travel-blogged about on the Huffington Post. Hmm.

Suddenly, I realized that it’s possible that I’m just a judgemental, hateful person. A grouchy sour-graper with a laptop and an attitude, who shouldn’t necessarily get on some high horse to criticize those in the public eye–people like Sienna Miller who simply can’t catch a break from the media when they make mistakes, people like Sienna Miller who don’t have the luxury of being able to start over and try again without the scrutiny ofzZzzZZZzzzzzZzzzzzzzzZzz.

Oh, who am I kidding? I still hate the bitch.

[Sienna Miller travel-blogs through the Congo on HuffPo]

Source

Filed under: , , , , , , , , ,

Control: Not Just for Janet Jackson Anymore

April 20th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

At long last, Jackie Chan went and decided to get all political on us.


From AP:

“I’m not sure if it’s good to have freedom or not,” Chan said. “I’m really confused now. If you’re too free, you’re like the way Hong Kong is now. It’s very chaotic. Taiwan is also chaotic.”

Chan added: “I’m gradually beginning to feel that we Chinese need to be controlled. If we’re not being controlled, we’ll just do what we want.”

Suddenly, we find ourselves wishing that Chan would shift his focus back to making oodles and oodles of money for clowning around like an idiot in bad Brett Ratner movies.

Seriously.

[AP: Jackie Chan: Chinese people need to be controlled]
[AP: Jackie Chan's China comments prompt backlash]

Thanks, Pete and Josh!

Filed under: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Pogonomaniasian

April 8th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

I know I’m gonna be in the model minority here, but there’s something different about these two wacktors. They’re looking better than usual:


Maybe it’s the beard-fest (yummers…so scruffy), but maybe it’s the Toyota logo. Suddenly Reeves and Brody seem practical, reliable, intuitive, smooth-riding, fuel-efficient, streamlined, forward-thinking, and aesthetically pleasing, for a reasonable price.

Hunh.

Source

Filed under: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Everybody Must Get Famous

July 1st, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


The UK’s Sun rag recently got very excited about some comments that Sir Ben Kingsley made recently regarding the diseased, prefab, celebutarded, no-talent fucks less gifted actors that seem to be making a killing in today’s Hollywood scene.

Below, a breakdown of some of his thoughts (the entirety of which we find ourselves in mixed response):

“Some young people are told they’re actors and they’re not.
DISGRASIAN thoughts: Why, we couldn’t agree more. We’ve been saying this about all of those diseased, prefab, celebutarded, no-talent fucks for years!

“It’s unfair to exploit a young person who may look good on a magazine cover and tell them they can be in movies.
DISGRASIAN thoughts: Unfair shmunfair. You wanna talk about exploitation? Go call up Gwen Stefani.

“You’re lifting their expectations so high and then pulling the rug from under their feet when the audience gives them a thumbs-down.
DISGRASIAN thoughts: Like our mothers would say, “It’s not our fault when you fail.”

“We throw people away too easily but should never invite them in the first place.”
DISGRASIAN thoughts: Hear hear! Shred the shit out of those invitations. The party’s all here.

“I have my own drug – it’s called acting. I get completely stoned on it.”
DISGRASIAN thoughts: We’re not with you on this one. Try AK47 medicinal marijuana. That’ll show you stoned, Sir Wacktor.

Source Source Source

Filed under: , , , , ,

Catching Some Raysian

June 27th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana
Rumored lovebirds Keanu Reeves and Karate Lady in St. Tropez

KEANU: So then you shake it. Shake-shake it. Shake it. Shake it.

KARATE LADY: Like this?

KEANU: Shake it like a polaroid picture!!

KARATE LADY: Where did you say you learned this again?

KEANU: Ibiza. No, on the set of Matrix: Reloaded.

KARATE LADY: I liked that film.

KEANU: Nobody liked that film, China.

KARATE LADY: I think your accountant did.

KEANU: You’re goddamned right he did.

KARATE LADY: I can’t believe I’m dating Keanu Reeves.

KEANU: Yeah you are! Did Marky Mark ever have pecs like these?

KARATE LADY: Well, I mean, he had pecs. What happened to you?

KEANU: What do you mean?

KARATE LADY: I mean…

KEANU: I’ll tell you what I mean: you’re so beautiful, of course I’ll go out with you. Look at you. You look like a little china doll, China.

KARATE LADY: Actually, powder pecs, if we’re assessing porcelain skin and bones, you’re the china doll here. I look tall and tan and young and lovely.

KEANU: (confused) That’s cool.

KARATE LADY: (confused) Okay.

KEANU: So when do we get to go eat together at Mr. Chow? I love his noodles.

KARATE LADY: Uh yeah, me too.

KEANU: Do you think I should call him “Dad?” or “Mr. Chow?” or “Mr. Dad?”

KARATE LADY: Um, I think I’d prefer a salad at La Scala.

KEANU: Always?

KARATE LADY: Yes, always.

KEANU: Hunh. Okay. Wanna learn a different dance?

KARATE LADY: Sure… (sighs) Are you going to be filming a new Matrix sequel anytime soon?

KEANU: I dunno… Why is everybody always asking me that?

Source
Thanks, Jasmine!

Filed under: , , , , , , , , ,

Pathwaysians to Self-Righteousness

May 27th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Zhang Ziyi may be happy: One actress made a point at The Cannes Film Festival to discuss her groundbreaking awareness of the earthquake horrors that had just occurred in China. It looks like wacktors and wacktresses know what’s going on the world after all!

Sharon “Not Just Stupid But Crazy” Stone vomited up this pile when asked whether or not she knew that the quake had occurred:

Here’s a transcript, just in case you can’t handle her face and voice at the same time:

“Of course I have. Well you know, it was very interesting because at first I am, you know, not happy about the way the Chinese are treating the Tibetans, because I don’t think anyone should be unkind to anyone else. And so, I have been very concerned about how to think and what to do about that because I don’t like … that.

And then I’ve been, this, you know, concerned about, oh, how should we deal with the Olympics, because they’re not being nice to the Dalai Lama who is a good friend of mine. And then all this earthquake and all this stuff happened, and I thought, is that karma? When you’re not nice that the bad things happen to you?

And then I got a letter from the Tibetan Foundation that they wanted to go and be helpful. And that made me cry.”

My, what incredible insight and mind-boggling influence! Not only is Stone a famous (aka important) actress (aka genius), but she’s tight with the Dalai Lama (aka popular!) and an emotional (aka melodramatic) self-sacrificing philanthropist (aka self-congratulating sad soul that feels the need to justify an empty existence by aligning herself with do-good trends) speaking her mind to the public!

Although, hmm. There’s just something–and I haven’t quite put my finger on what it is–about nonchalantly attributing a natural disaster that has killed tens of thousands and displaced millions of Chinese citizens… to karma. A massive “punishment” unleashed upon innocent citizens as payback for the decisions being made by their ruling Communist government.

I mean, I guess she could’ve just blamed the gays–like Hagee did after Katrina, or Robertson and Falwell did after 9/11. But that would have been outlandish, insensitive, stupid, and wrong!

Huh.

Source Source Source Source

Filed under: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Absolute Celebutardasian

April 1st, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

I have absolutely no idea why I know that Paris Hilton spent a half hour with a fake shaman, or that Audrina Patridge even exists (and got a fake tattoo in chinaspeak spelling out “fried meat and rice” last week). I resent myself for spelling their names correctly, and to boot, spelling those names on Jen’s and my sacred blog (where they share real estate with real winners like Michelle Malkin and Tila Tequila). Yes, yes, for these things I am truly ashamed.

And okay, I’m also a little embarrassed that, like lots of other celebublog readers, I fell for both fauxperiences–worst of all, placing a call to Jen on Friday that went something like: “Dude. Audrina, that girl with the weird floating eyes on The Hills got a wack Chinese lettering tattoo. Can you read it? It’s so wrong! Take her ass to court!”

I was fooled for a minute, sure. But what annoys me more is word on the e-street that both staged photo-ops were apparently produced bits for Ass-ton Kutcher’s new “gotcha!” series, Pop Fiction–a self-rewarding, for-celebutards-by-celebutards reality show in which idiot camera whores poop the paparazzi. Because the famous-for-nothings need more reasons to congratulate themselves.

“TAKE THAT, ‘TMZ‘! Now watch me in ‘The Butterfly Effect.’”


Wow. Who orders up eight episodes of this shit? I think we should all be ashamed.

Source Source Source Source

Filed under: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The Meaning of Sophisticasian

March 7th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Sophia Loren visited Kyoto, Japan this week, and instead of busting with the Prayer Hands like other wacktors, she behaved like a real movie star.

Loren wore a fur, flashed her rocks, and said “Konichiwa, bitches!” in flawless Japanese.

Source

Filed under: , , , , , , ,