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I’ve kinda hated every new incarnation of Shit [Fill-In-The-Blank] People Say with greater intensity until I saw this video. Maybe it’s cuz Asian Moms are funnier than the rest of us. But this right here is TRUTH:
“NO SHAKY LEG!!!” reminds me of the time my cousin, when she was 7 years old, told me her HAM told her that shaking your leg at the table meant you were a slut. Or, in the words of this vid, someone who goes out “every day tryna have the sex.”
Filed under: Asian Moms, Hardass Asian Moms, Hardass Asian Mothers, Hardass Asian Parents, Memes, Shit Asian Girls Say, Shit Asian Moms Say, Shit Girls Say, Shit Girls Say Meme, Shit People Say Meme, The Sex, Viral Videos
By now, many of you have already seen the shocking video of a 17 year-old Asian American teen from the south side of Chicago getting the shit beaten out of him by 6 other teens, most of whose identities are obscured by hoodies and ski masks, while one other person films the attack.
The victim was robbed and treated for a laceration to his lip, bruising, and abrasions, according to WaPo.
The Chicago police have ruled out that the assault was racially motivated–you can hear the perpetrators calling the victim the N-word throughout–while the Internet police on various forums have corroborated that notion by publishing the perpetrators’ names, addresses, phone numbers, Facebook pages–even their parents’ names–since the video surfaced. At least 4 of the 6 assailants are also Asian American (Chinese, to be specific, judging by their names).
Now comes these two videos, uploaded by a female friend [commenters on various sites have claimed she's the one who filmed the attack but that can't be verified--Ed.] of the assailants, who contends that the 6 on 1 attack was “payback” for another attack in which Continue reading The Chicago Teen Beating And Cycles Of Violence [UPDATE]
Here’s a video on “How To Be Asian” by some chick named Nicole. It’s supposed to be funny or something? Apparently it’s an inside joke and part of an ongoing schtick of Nicole’s that involves putting shit on her face to become another race (black, usually) and maybe being self-satirizing about it but also maybe just being lazy and racist.
Taped eyes? Yellowface? Ching chong? Yawn.
The real tip on “How To Be Asian” that’s missing from the vid? If you want to be Asian, rule number one is Don’t Suck. I don’t know if this video was supposed to make me laugh or give me an outrage boner but neither happened. It just kinda hung there like a stale fart waiting to be collected in a glass jar and ushered out of the room so the rest of us could carry on. It was meh, it was mediocre. Mediocrity, of course, is failure, and failure isn’t Asian.
Filed under: Alexandra Wallace, Asians Hate Failure, Ching Chong Ling Long Ting Tong, Do Better, FAIL, Failure, How To Be Asian, Mediocrity, Racist Videos, Stupid White Chicks, Unfunny Stuff, Viral Videos, Wannabes
So Tuesday’s supposedly the worst day of the week–and the worst moment of the worst day is 11:45 AM, which is exactly 5 minutes away at the time of this writing.
So without further ado, I give you this laughing, sleeping, can’t-make-up-her-mind-which-one-she’d-rather Korean baby to help you through the nadir of your week:
As the top YouTube comment for this put it: “This video makes me want to have asian babies.”
Filed under: Adorbs, Amazian Jr., Asian Babies, Cute Asian Babies, Cute Overload, Cute?, Laughing and Sleeping Baby, Laughing Baby, Ovary Ticklers, Sleeping Babies, Sleeping Baby, Sleeping Like A Baby, Tuesday Worst Day Of Week, Tuesdays Suck, Viral Videos
There’s a new Chinese food delivery service in Westwood–home to the UCLA campus–called Ching Chong Ling Long Gourmet Takeout. It’s a collab between The Palace Restaurant in Brentwood and UCLA Munchies, and it’s an Asian-run business. Ching Chong Ling Long Gourmet Takeout’s name, of course, references ex-UCLA student Alexandra Wallace’s YouTube video “Asians in the Library”–wherein she complained about Asian students talking loudly on their cell phones–and the delivery service indirectly addresses the name choice with this statement on its website:
We believe that the best way to combat intolerance is through a positive cultural experience mixed in with a healthy serving of humor, and hope that after you try us, you too will feel that way.
Lord knows we couldn’t argue with that mission statement. And we did love us some of Continue reading Would You Order From Ching Chong Ling Long Gourmet Takeout?
Filed under: Alexandra Wallace, Asians In The Library, Chinese Food, Chinese Food Jokes, Chinese Takeout, Ching Chong Ling Long Gourmet Takeout, Ching Chong Ling Long Ting Tong, Memes, UCLA, UCLA Munchies, UCLA student Alexandra Wallace, UCLA Student Racist Rant, Viral Videos, Westwood
But you already knew that, right? Because if Ms. Wallace had any understanding of how the Interwebz works, she might have anticipated the overwhelming and overwhelmingly negative response her video “Asians In The Library” would receive and nipped–no pun intended–the idea in the bud, continuing her college career instead in the usual quiet, polite, epiphanic-manner in which she’s clearly always conducted herself.
Further evidence of her ignorance–web-related and otherwise–surfaced today in Wallace’s hometown paper, The Sacramento Bee, in which it was revealed that Wallace’s father had written on his Facebook page last Friday morning, around the time Wallace posted the video:
“My daughter wants to start a blog. She’s asking for domain suggestions for ‘Asians on their cellphones in the library!’ She’s shooting videos as I write.”
“ASKING FOR DOMAIN SUGGESTIONS”???
Okay, look. I’m not even taking issue with the fact that she at some point thought making “Asians In The Library” into some kind of serial thing was a good idea or that she thought her dad would be the most appropriate counsel for matters pertaining to the youngs or even that her dad didn’t judge her blog idea to be totally racist and wack and think to intervene with a little fatherly advice–but, while we’re on the subject, what up with that?–I’m taking issue with the fact that THE DOMAIN SUGGESTION WAS RIGHT UNDER HER GODDAMN NOSE AND SHE COULDN’T SEE IT.
Filed under: Alexandra Wallace, Alexandra Wallace Racist Rant, Asians In The Library, Asians in the Library Remix, Ching Chong Ling Long Ting Tong, Draculo, Draculo Asians in the Library Remix, Internet Fame, Memes, Racist Rants, Really Dumb People, UCLA, UCLA student Alexandra Wallace, UCLA Student Racist Rant, Viral Videos, We're Taking Over Everything, YouTube
A Vancouver (Not Whistler Mountain Vancouver, but the Vancouver, WA near PDX airport) dance company from Groove Nation studio entered a competition last month–with a routine that choreographer Julio Fuentes set to 8 minutes of K-Pop music.
Not a common choice for an American high schoolers’ dance troupe! Fuentes even posted a video of the performance on YouTube. And as you can see, it’s sassy and adorable.:
What Fuentes didn’t expect is that the little video of his teens dancing their hearts out in a gym would suddenly take off globally. It quickly went viral in South Korea, and currently has 515,143 views.
What’s more, YouTube’s trendwatchers report that Groove Nation’s second performance, posted two days ago, was among the Most Shared Videos in South Korea, as well as one of the most watched videos among South Korean girls ages 13-17. It already has nearly 22,000 views.
Ya gotta hand it to South Koreans–they know how to give ‘net love. Which has me thinking… JEN, GRAB YOUR LEOTARD. WE’RE MAKING A K-POP DANCE VIDEO!
Filed under: Dance Companies, Dancing is Fun, Going Viral, Groove Nation, Homage?, Julio Fuentes, K-Pop, K-pop Till You Can't Stop, South Korea, Teens, Viral Videos, YouTube, YouTube Sensations, YouTube Trends
In the past, CA gubernatorial candidate Meg Whitman has accused her opponent Jerry Brown of being “part of the old school, part of the old approach.” And, as if to prove that point–that Brown is for the olds and Whitman can hang with the youngs–her press secretary Sarah Pompei tweeted this week that “Jerry Brown is too soft on crime,” only instead of linking to the usual boring political stuff, Pompei linked to this video of–y’all ready for this?–Korean cross-dressing jazz fusion/metal bassist-turned-viral video-star H.J. Freaks, who, according to his MySpace, aspires to be “the world’s greatest stupid idiot bass player”:
So, yes, the Whitman campaign basically invented the new Rickroll. Which means Whitman’s press secretary is either incredibly inept and does not understand teh Twitter OR…she knows exactly what she’s doing and did it for the lulz.
We think it’s obvious what really happened, therefore we say…
Filed under: Fusion Jazz, H.J. Freaks, Hyperlinks, Jerry Brown, Lulz, Meg Whitman, Meg Whitman Gubernatorial Campaign, Meg Whitman Spokeswoman Sarah Pompei, Old School, Rickrolled, Rickrolling, Teh Awesome, Teh Twitter, The Interwebz, The Olds, Twitter, Viral Videos
“Asian Conan” made his first appearance on Funny Or Die this week:
It’s sorta funny I guess, but all I really want to see is my beloved redheaded beanpole and some form of wanking bear.
Hurry the heck up, TBS!
Filed under: Asian Conan, Conan Goes Cable, Conan O'Brien, Conan O'Brien Comeback, Conan To Sign Deal With TBS, Cynicism, Fortune Cookies, Funny or Die, Kindness, Masturbating Bear, Self-Pleasuring Panda, TBS, Team CoCo, Viral Videos
We’ve got Nissin Foods’ official Chow Mein Noodles spokesman, “Eddie,” a master of “Noodle Enlightenment”:
And then there’s Nissin’s unofficial spokesman, “Nood Leon,” a master of, um, his so-called “Helicopter of Love”:
Or maybe you just want to skip noodles altogether after that and go with rice today?
Filed under: Ching-Chongery, Chow Mein, Cup Noodles, Eddie Nissin Chow Mein Commercial, Gongbangin', Instant Foods, Instant Noodles, Momofuku Ando, Nissin Foods, Nood Leon, Noodles, Nude Spokespeople, Viral Videos
I’m no dog whisperer, but I’m pretty sure the dog in this video is saying to the baby,”Bitch, please, you think you got problems? Try having a motherfucking cone around your head. FML.”
[via Japan Probe]
Start your weekend off right by watching a kid get something so wrong–or it is sooo right?–on a TV game show:
LMFYAO (Laughing My Fucking Yellow Ass Off).