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The Lost Summer’s Eve “Hail To The V” Asian Vagina Reel

August 2nd, 2011 | 5 comments | Posted by Jen

You know those Summer’s Eve commercials that created quite a stir recently? The ones that seemed to imply all women’s vadges are dirty but most especially those of women of color?

Here’s the “black version”:

And the “Latina version”:

But there was no Asian version. Which left me with all sorts of confused feelings. Like, Hey, are our vadges not dirty, too? Wait, I didn’t just say that. But it feels bad to be left out! No, no, it doesn’t. What I mean is…I just really really want to see what a stereotypical Asian vadge sounds like? Okay?

And then, I got my wish*:

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Please Get Your Vagina Outta My Face, American Apparel

August 18th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Usually I’m pretty amused by American Apparel ads. Yeah, they’re porn-ish, but they’re also kinda goofy, an aspect I attribute to the clothes actually being advertised, which aren’t sexy so much as fugly. Half the time, it seems like American Apparel isn’t advertising clothes or sex even but jazzercise, that form of aerobic exercise that was so popular among people’s Tab-drinking moms in the 80′s (not my mom, because Chinese mothers don’t “work out” per se, unless you count speed-walking around the neighborhood in a visor and a noisy nylon windbreaker). It’s like the grimy hipster version of jolie laide, emphasis on the laide.

But a recent round of photographs advertising pantyhose on American Apparel’s website, featuring Hyunha the “Spanish gymnast,” are neither sexy nor fugly, they’re just gross.


When I look at these photos, Brazilian bikini waxing, anal bleaching, and pap smears come to mind. They’re not goofy, they’re gynecological. (Admittedly, they conjure amputees too, which are sexy to some.) But really, there’s so much vaj up in my grill, I’ve lost my appetite for all things, sexual, retail, or otherwise. And I’m definitely going to skip the tuna fish for lunch, that’s for sure.

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Dude Looks Like a Pregnant Lady

April 2nd, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Y’all set your TiVos, because Thursday Oprah nabs an exclusive with pregnant man Thomas Beatie (née Tracy Lagondino) on her show. Thomas was [takes deep breath] born a woman, became a gay-rights activist, received gender reassignment surgery but kept his uterus (that’s right, his uterus), married a woman, Nancy, and decided to carry their child because his wife had an earlier hysterectomy and couldn’t conceive. Ever since this story broke last month in The Advocate, there’s been a lot of talk about it being a hoax. But if it’s on Oprah, it must be true. Here are a few predictions of what Oprah’s reactions will be to this mondo gender-bender:

Girrrrrrlllll!

“O-kay. I have to ask this because I know our Oprah Show viewers are wonderin’ the same thing–you DO have a vajayjay, right?”

“I just want people at home who might be thinking you’re a freak to know that you’re not. You are a man. I see that. A very fiiiiiiiiine man. Isn’t he cute, audience? If I wasn’t with Steadman and Gayle, you would be my perfect partner. A man and woman in one body, like a Fruit Rollup.”

“What I really want to know is…do you ever still dress like a woman? Have you ever tried on a pair of Louboutins? They’re geeeeee-nius. If you don’t feel like a woman now all knocked up and whathaveyou, you will after putting on those stilettos, girrrrrl. I mean, uh…”

“You really have a vajayjay?”

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