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Everyone knows Justin Bieber has a badass bodyguard who’ll fuck you up if you try to harm a hair on the Biebs’ $750 coiffure. Which explains why the various Bieber-hater clans of the Internet resorted to hiring ninjas to infiltrate last night’s Grammys and destroy him.
The mercenaries came to the totally culturally irrelevant awards ceremony armed with throwing stars, poison darts, and their cloaks of invisibility to carry out their mission (and possibly catch a glimpse of Gaga getting hatched from an egg before, a sight not even ninjas get to see every day). But not long after the chorus to Bieber’s hit “Never Say Never” kicked in with “and there’s just no turning back/when your heart’s under attack,” the ninjas hired to kill the 16 year-old pop sensation realized that that was exactly what was happening to them.
Their cold ninja hearts were under attack, besieged with fever…Bieber Fever.
Filed under: Beliebers, Bieber, Bieber Fans Attack Esperanza Spalding's Wikipedia, Bieber Fans More Deadly Than Ninjas, Bieber Haters, Canadians, Crazy Bieber Fans, Esperanza Spalding, Justin Bieber, Justin Bieber Ninja Backup Dancers, Lady Gaga Hatches From an Egg, Mercenaries, Ninjas, Ninjas Have Bieber Fever, Teen Pop Sensations, the Biebs, The Grammys, Usher, Who the Fuck Says Who the Heck Anyway?
Name: Beatin Hearts
Occupation: Dance Crew
Known for: If you’ve never heard of them before, Beatin Hearts is an established troupe of Japanese hip hop dancers composed of only growned-up ladies (the current roster boasts members between the age of 44 and 56). I had the pleasure of witnessing one of their exuberant performances over the weekend at the 2009 World Hip Hop Dance Championship–and even though I had heard tales, I wasn’t really prepared for such an awesome sight (After all, my mom dances like one of those battery-operated Christmas Santas, and seeing an Usher record on sale at Costco is probably the closest she’ll ever get to hip hop).
Let me tell you, these mommies know how to sh-sh-shake their shit. And they absolutely love it (after the group walked away from this performance, they proceeded to convene backstage and weep with joy), which is probably the most amazian thing of all.
I could yammer on about this all day, but you really need to see it to believe it:
Once again, these ladies are between the ages of 44 and 56! Big-time MILTHs (Mothers I’d Like To Hug)!
Filed under: Awesome Japanese Behavior, Badass Asian Parents, Beatin Hearts, Cool Parentals, Dance Crews, Grownups, Japan, MILTHs, Mothers I'd Like To Hug, Santa Claus, Usher, World Hip Hop Dance Championship
This creepola video–allegedly made by radical Islamists in the UK–has been making the rounds on the internet.
I guess those religious dudes don’t dig “footie” and hip-hop. But what I really want to know is, am I a terrorist sympathizer for thinking these thoughts after I watched it…?