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Pretty Little Liars is a terrible show, but I’m not going to lie: I’m hooked on it. The series, which centers around a group of girls dealing with the fallout from the murder of one of their besties, Alison, aspires to be like Twin Peaks for teens, or, as I like to call it, Tween Peaks (and yes, I coined that term), but it lacks the psychological depth to actually pull it off. So while the murdered girl is the show’s alleged raison d’etre, it’s really about its other mysteries. Like, how Aria is kind of a dead ringer for Winnie Cooper, albeit a miniature one. Or how the teacher Aria’s hooking up with, Mr. Fitz, would be cute only the haircut they’ve given him is all wrong and makes the top of his head look giant. (Not to mention the fact that he wears vests all the time, which is just, eww.) Then there’s the question of whether Emily is really gay or just a LUG and either way, what does she see in that creepy sisterfucker Toby Cavanaugh besides his mixtape-making abilities?
Or, like, who is that hot piece who plays Emily’s father, Lt. Col. Fields, just back from Afghanistan, who was heavily featured in last night’s season premiere, wherein Emily comes out to him?
This is what I can tell you about that: His name is Eric Steinberg. He’s Judasian. He used to be on The Young and the Restless. According to Wikipedia, his father is a professor of Asian studies at Georgetown, and his mother is Korean soprano Ann Myungsook Lee. Also: his wife on Pretty Little Liars is played by Nia Peeples, and his daughter is played by Shay Mitchell, both of whom are of Filipino descent, which means the Fieldses, who are ethnically ambiguous on the show, are officially one of us. One mystery–solved!
Filed under: ABC Family, Eric Steinberg, Ethnically Ambiguous, Judasians, Nia Peeples, Pretty Little Liars, Shay Mitchell, Tween Peaks (You Heard It Here First), Twin Peaks, Undercover Asians, YA, Young Adult, Young Adult Fiction
Happy birthday to the beautiful and talented Joan Chen, who turned 49 (???!?!?!?!?) this week!
We can’t believe it’s been 20 years since we fell for Chen’s mysterious eyes on Twin Peaks. Here’s a vintage scene from Season 2 to remind you how she could singlehandedly inspire sexy fantasies with just a blink of her eyelashes:
Um. It’s possible that her skin actually got smoother and more radiant over the years. Does she only get more interesting and sultry? How can we do that?
Filed under: Anti-Agin' Asian, Beautiful Ladies, Eyelashes, Fantasies, Getting Better All the Time, Gorgeous People, Humpable Eyes, Joan Chen, Josie Packard, Mysterious People, Scene-Stealing, Twin Peaks, Twin Peaks 20th Anniversary
Now if only Twin Peaks, The Jeffersons, Veronica Mars, Diff’rent Strokes, or The Cosby Show had figured that out–they’d have gotten their due prasian. Or a fresh, white magazine cover.
Filed under: Diff'rent Strokes, Gossip Girl Blows, New York Mag Has Low Standards, So Fresh and So Clean Clean, The Cosby Show, The Jeffersons, This is Bullshit, Twin Peaks, Veronica Mars, Whiteness, WTF?
10 THINGS THAT ARE WRONG WITH THIS MOMENT:
1) As you know, I speak from firsthand experience: beauty pageants are fucktarded.
2) Girls that sound like the midget from Twin Peaks should not take part in the interview portion of any pageant.
3) “Best in Swimsuit” only gets you two things in life: points in a beauty pageant and tappin’ from the back. Both will probably lead you into a tumultuous relationship with Travis Barker.
4) The father of any 17-year-old who has been seen by more than 0 people in a gold bikini loses a year off of his life. Are you happy now?
5) The Hardass Asian Parents of any person who does not answer “What role did your family play in [insert anything]” by immediately saying, “My mother and father worked so hard all their lives, sacrificing so much, so that I could be healthy, get a good education, acquire many talents, and succeed. With them I would be nothing, and I do everything to honor them out of gratitude” loses 5 years off of their lives. Are you happy now???
6) Nervous laughs make me nervous.
7) Being Asian means never having to say, “I’m so sorry.” Partly because you never do anything to be sorry about; partly because even if you did so something sorry-worthy, you still wouldn’t say it.
8) Excuses are for mediocre people. My grandpa never said, “this is my first attempt at fleeing a war-torn country, sooooo sorry it’s rough around the edges!” And the only people that say “I’m only 17″ because they can’t answer a simple question are the same kind that celebrate getting their GED while pregnant.
9) Pretty, dumb girls WIN AT LIFE ALL THE TIME. And this pageant was no different.
10) I’m still bitter about never getting to wear a cubic zirconium crown.
I’ve always loved Joan Chen, because she was in Twin Peaks, the best television show of all time. But after seeing this pic of her from the Lust, Caution Los Angeles premiere, I flat-out worship her.
Ever since the UPN-WB networks merged into the CW, it’s all gone to shit. They’ve canceled Veronica Mars, which became trivial this year after abandoning the format of a year-long, whodunnit story-arc, and long-running shows like Seventh Heaven and Gilmore Girls (don’t get me wrong, I’m thankful on both counts). Smallville and One Tree Hill are both returning and they’re tripe. It says something when America’s Next Top Model is the CW’s only crowning achievement, and when they’re conducting ANOTHER SEARCH for the next Pussycat Doll. Aren’t there enough already?
Fittingly, the CW Upfronts party, held at the Buddah Bar in New York, was a sad affair. This poor girl had to serve drinks there:
The first time I saw this photo, I wasn’t sure if this cocktail waitress was dressed as a Geisha or a suicidal clown about to stab a kid in the eye with a balloon animal. Is it my subconscious talkin’ or does she look like she’s got a cleaver stuck in her skull? What do you call that hat/fan/cleaver? Is that what people are talking about when they say “ASSHAT”? And why do those drinks she’s serving look like POO?
Here’s the upshot. Laura Palmer’s dad was at the party.
Oh shit. I just scared myself.