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DISGRASIAN OF THE YEAR! 10 People And/Or Things From ’10 We Hope Will Get Dick Cancer

January 7th, 2011 | 6 comments | Posted by Jen & Diana

[Ed. note--this post was written in advance of the tragic shooting that occurred on Saturday, Jan. 8 in Arizona. Our thoughts go out to those affected by those events.]

We talked a lot in the closing months of last year how 2010 was BALLS. And you know why it was balls? Because it was a year ruled by DICKS. Dickheads, dickweeds, dickwads, dicktwits, dickfaces, cheesedicks, needledicks, pencil dicks, limp dicks, and a various assortment of Dick Tracies, seemed to poke their, ahem, heads out from all sides. It was actually hard to come up with only 10 Dicks From ’10 because the year was so chock-full of cocksmokers. But somehow, after a little dicking around, we did.

And here they are, 2010′s Most Dickstinguished:


WHY THEY’RE DICKS: Everywhere we turned in 2010, there was another story about somebody named Palin being a dick. There was Todd Palin writing angry, poorly-punctuated emails. There was Willow Palin writing gay slur-slinging, poorly-punctuated Facebook comments. There was Bristol Palin being billed as a “teen activist” and dancing her way horribly to the Dancing With the Stars finals. And then there was Mama Grizzdick herself, Sarah Palin, who showed time and again that not only was she a dick, she was a Dick of All Trades–a refudiating dick, a 1st Amendment-confused dick, an Islamophobic dick, a book-shilling dick, a reality TV dick, a Tea Party dick, and, generally, an all-around fame-trolling dick of the highest magnitude. While it’s clear the Palins are gunning to be the First Family of the United States in 2012, for now, they can pat themselves on the backs for being, hands-down, the First Family of the United States of Dickbags.

OUR SOLUTION: The family of dicks that gets Dick Cancer together stays together. Another idea: JUST. GO. AWAY.

Continue reading DISGRASIAN OF THE YEAR! 10 People And/Or Things From ’10 We Hope Will Get Dick Cancer

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ROCK OF ASIAN: David Choi’s “Please Don’t Touch My Junk” TSA Song

November 23rd, 2010 | 5 comments | Posted by Jen

For all of you unlucky bastards who have to fly this Thanksgiving, here are a few tips to make your travel less painful:

  1. The new full-body scanners are safe, according to experts.
  2. If you opt out of the full-body scan, you will be subjected to an “enhanced” pat-down procedure.
  3. Every TSA officer has received 8 to 12 hours of training on the enhanced pat-down.
  4. If PDA freaks you out, you can choose to have the enhanced pat-down in private.
  5. Snow globes are not allowed on the plane.
  6. You can download David Choi’s “Please Don’t Touch My Junk” for free to listen to while you’re stuck in that horrible, junk-touching airport security line:

[CNN: A primer on the new airport security procedures]
[David Choi Music]


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