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Somebody’s Already Sounding Like A Hardass Asian Padmama

March 15th, 2010 | 5 comments | Posted by Jen

The first photo of Padma Lakshmi’s 3 week-old daughter, Krishna Thea–taken while mother and child were hangin’ on a park bench in NYC–has been revealed on Celebrity Baby Blog.

Celebrity Baby Blog also reports that Padma has said she’d be “delighted” if her daughter became a chef, “as long as she was a good one.”

Hear that, little baby Krishna? NO PRESSURE.

[Celebrity Baby Blog: Meet Krishna Thea Lakshmi!]

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AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Naked Padma Lakshmi

December 7th, 2009 | 3 comments | Posted by Diana

Padma Lakshmi tells Page Six Magazine this week, “I like me better naked.”

Here's hoping she never gets dressed again

Here's hoping she never gets dressed again


And we couldnt’ agree more. To be clear, the context of that comment is actually about being perceived as one’s genuine self:

“I don’t mean that in a vain way… When you put clothes on, you immediately put a character on. Clothes are adjectives, they are indicators. When you don’t have any clothes on, it’s just you, raw, and you can’t hide.

Continue reading AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Naked Padma Lakshmi

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Padma Lakshmi On 30 Rock: Exotic And Robotic

November 11th, 2009 | 3 comments | Posted by Jen

Attention Padma pervs fans! Hollyscoop reports the Top Chef host will guest on 30 Rock Thursday as herself.

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Stills released from Padma’s guest stint suggest she’ll be sharing some screen time with Alec Baldwin’s Jack Donaghy, with her bringing the cleavage and Baldwin bringing the funny. But what exactly will their relationship be, Hollyscoop wonders?

Could she be the next love interest? Guess Donaghy has a thing for beautiful exotic women!

“Exotic” women?

Continue reading Padma Lakshmi On 30 Rock: Exotic And Robotic

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Padma’s Pregnancy Puppies

October 19th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen


“Hello, World. Meet my pregnancy puppies. Pregnancy puppies, meet world. Consider these girls my gift to you. Drink them in. Eat them up. Move in a little closer. Uh, okay, that’s close enough, now you’re starting to perv me out and remind me of my creepy ex. Ahem, where was I? Oh right, I was introducing you to my glorious breasts. Can you imagine what these babies will look like when they’re brimming with milk? I mean, hello. Now there’s a Quickfire Challenge for you–what can you do in an hour with Padma’s breast milk? Ha! Like that’ll ever happen. You can look but you can’t touch. Actually, touch these boobs and I cut you. They’re as tender as a Kobe-strip right now and my hormones are all over the place. Jesus, what I wouldn’t give for a cold compress for these sore nipples. That and a vodka cocktail.”

[photo via HuffPo]

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Padma Lakshmi Has a Secret Talent

July 22nd, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Padma Lakshmi has a secret talent. In addition to her obvious ones, like rocking a huge scar, making food from Hardee’s/Carl’s Jr. actually seem desirable, and looking good naked, the 38 year-old Top Chef robo-host is secretly FUNNY.

SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!


Although I’ve never seen evidence of this in the five seasons she’s hosted Top Chef, I cleverly deduced this when I learned that she’d signed a development deal to star in her own sitcom. And, you see, “sitcom” stands for “situational comedy.” And Comedy = Funny. So that must mean Padma = Funny, right?

What kind of funny do you think Padma is exactly? Sardonic funny, like Jon Stewart? Prop-comedy funny, like Carrot Top? (Okay, Carrot Top’s not funny.) Rape-joke funny, à la La Silverman?

Ooh, I just had a terrible thought. What if Padma’s not funny at all? Hmm…

Let’s go over this again together. She’s going to star in her own sitcom. Check. And sitcom stand for “situational comedy.” Check. And Comedy = Funny. Check. So that means Padma = Funny.

Phew! Glad I worked that one out. Padma = Funny, end of story.

[Variety: Padma Lakshmi stirs up sitcom plans]

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Thanks, Jasmine!

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BABEWATCH: Padma Lakshmi in Allure Magazine

April 14th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen


Name: Padma Lakshmi

Age: 38

Occupation: Top Chef host and cookbook author

Why She’s a Babe: Although she elocutes like a robot–albeit a sensual femme-y one–and she often appears expressionless when she’s not smiling, Padma Lakshmi is undeniably hot. In the May issue of Allure Magazine, you’ll find her posing nude on a fuzzy Beni Ouarain rug looking like a glistening lobe of foie gras–in other words, delicious. Maybe not quite as delicious as when she’s got burger dripping all over her in those Carl’s Jr/Hardee’s ads, but pretty damn close.

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Hot Carl

February 26th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Dearest Padma,

I guess we should be glad that a glorious, gorgeous, out-of-this-world, epicurean goddess like yourself would agree to do a commercial for a fast-food joint. Because even though you have a beating heart, two eyes… even though you drink, sleep, excrete, and screw, it’s hard for us to accept that you’re a real-live person, much less one of the people.

Okay, we can appreciate what’s going on here: the fact that you’ll soon be using that face to peddle sloppy burgers for Hardee’s/Carl’s Jr. (same beast) brings you down to Earth. It shows us your lowest common denominator. It proves that processed meats and sesame seed buns are not just for the ignorant, saddle-bagged, Tuna Helper masses of Middle America, but also for famous, particular, beautiful, elegant TV hosts from Manhattan. It’s meant to show us that this famous author’s ex-wife is real, and for that matter, so is Hardee’s. Now everybody, rich or poor, finicky or not, has the ability to get real along with you. Yeah. That’s really lovely.

But Padma. We feel that despite the motivation, you’re better than this. You do not want to take career cues from Paris Hilton. We’ve watched enough Top Chef to know that these quick burgers are not up to your standards, even after a bottle of wine (trust us, we’ve eaten enough of them for anybody). More importantly, we’ve never actually seen a commercial of this ilk that made us want to even eat food–in fact, they almost always inspire waves of nausea and a lasting aversion to the sound of chewing.

Maybe your “beautiful love song to food” will be enough to change our minds. But at the moment, we’re hard-pressed to truly believe that.

xo,
DISGRASIAN

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Mo’ Better Meatty Meat

January 9th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

When the dazzling, gorgeous Padma Lakshmi divorced her much-older husband Salman Rushdie, many were quick to gossip that the statuesque beauty was guilty of an affair. In my travels between LA and NYC, I’ve personally heard some first and secondhand accounts of her romantic dabbles, and while staying mum on all of those stories, I’ll just say, I believe that the odds that the whispers were true are… pretty good.

The one most people were interested way back when, however, was the rumor that Lakshmi was bouncing around with a married, well-known chef. Blind item after blind item nailed Lakshmi for this one, until Gawker finally supposed, for a while at least, that the culinary hero in question was–eek!–Anthony Bourdain.

I, on the other hand, had always held out the hope that the lovely Padma would only have surrendered her special parts to the boyish advances of Rocco DiSpirito–even though I’m not even sure he was married at the time of her detours. Though I could never exactly figure out why, I did.

Today, however, after reading that Match.com writer/relationship expert Whitney Casey recently spilled to Howard Stern that DiSpirito was the best lay she ever had and bearer of a “perfect penis”… I think “why” is now pretty clear.

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Well Done, Well Hung

October 4th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Congratulasians, Well Hung Huynh for winning Top Chef! Not only did your “Michelin 3-star,” Fusasian (Asian fusion) cuisine make the other two finalists look like hacks, you taught us all a very important lesson.

You don’t have to be a professional athlete, a great martial artist, a Nobel Laureate, a spelling bee champ, a rocket scientist, a runway model, or a rapper to be a fuckin’ BALLER. Even if you are a tiny loudmouth braggart who probably got your ass beat everyday in school, who cooks for a living and wears distressed girl jeans, not to mention FOB-y jade necklaces given to you by your grandma, as long as you got game and you bring it, you’re a hero.

We love you, Well Hung. Open your Michelin 3-star, blow us away with a 16-course tasting menu, and, because we’re Asian and we love to haggle, please please consider giving us a friends and family discount, because I’m pretty sure Diana and I can’t afford your genius.

Click here for the recipe to Hung’s winning Duck dish. It only requires a sous vide machine, foie gras, and some killer truffles. Good fuckin’ luck.

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Sara, We Hardly Nguyen You

August 9th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen
We, too, have longed to do this to certain people’s, um, peppers

25 year-old Sara Nguyen was eliminated last night on Top Chef, after failing to make decent burgers and milkshakes for drunk people.

But really Sara lost because she is a CRYBABY. After the producers duped the cast into thinking they were going out on the town in MyHammy, and everyone got dressed up then loaded in a limo, the “cheftestants” were abruptly told that they had to make “hangover food” for about 100 people out of a catering truck.

Sara lost her shit because she was in a “low-cut shirt” and had to shop for groceries in…gasp!…heels. She claimed that those tough circumstances “demoralized” her and put her “out of (her) element.” Fellow cheftestants thought Howie was an asshole for calling her a baby…

…but I couldn’t have agreed more with that short, bald fat fuck.

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Hung Like a Hung

June 28th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Call me a Jenny-Come-Lately, but I’ve only recently become obsessed–despite the insistence of our dear friend Ben during past seasons–with Top Chef. I could watch this show with the sound off, just to admire Padma’s beauty–the hottest and most life-like robot I’ve seen since C-3P0–Tom Colicchio’s muscle-queen orneriness, and that squinty food writer’s fat arms. Oh, and the food looks dee-licious!

“My name is. Pad. Ma. Take me to. Your. Lea. Der.”

My favorite Season 3 cast member is, of course, “Well” Hung Huynh. Not only does he have the kitchen creds–as sous chef of Guy Savoy Vegas, the North American outpost of one of the finest French restaurants in the world–but the Vietnamese-born cook is one supreme BEYOTCH.

Eat Me

During last night’s Quickfire challenge involving shellfish, Well Hung could not hide his contempt for his fellow “cheftestants,” many of whom were using white wine in their preparations. “My monkey could do that,” Hung said.

Finally, someone’s bringing a little dignity back to the name “Hung,” even while bragging about the skillz of his you-know-what. We still, however, have a long way to go.

“I cook rike I sing, vely good!”


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