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BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN! No Doubt’s Tony Kanal

August 27th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen


Dear Tony,

Thank you for taking Gwen Stefani off our hands this summer. And by off our hands, we mean touring with her and making a new album together, thereby preventing her from doing something foolish and godawful on her own, like parading around with her four matchy-matchy Harajuku Slaves or doing another solo record of lobotomizing tunage that serves no discernible purpose other than to fill the void during a 30-second timeout at a Laker game (some of which you’re responsible for, but let’s just pretend we don’t know that). You’re doing us–and, we like to think, the world–a HUGE solid.

Oh, and happy 39th birthday, too!

with gratitude,

DISGRASIAN

Tony and Gwen back in the day

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ROCK OF ASIAN: No Doubt They’re a Little Rusty

April 8th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Four years on the musical slave plantasian has apparently not been kind to Gwen Stefani’s vocal cords.

The new No Doubt leaked release (a cover of Adam Ant’s “Stand and Deliver”) is shit. Absolute shit. I’ve tried to get through a complete listen–using a survival tactic often purposed for bad sex–by focusing on the image of Tony Kanal’s oh-so-pretty face and trying not to listen too hard to the slinkys that have apparently lodged themselves in Stefani’s larynx, but it’s not working at all. Is this No Doubt comeback reunion really going to work? Does the chick with the microphone even have the ability to make music without Japanese backup anymore?

It’s gonna take awhile to answer those questions. Somebody get me an Excedrin Migraine and a vibrator, stat.

[via ONTD]

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No Doubtful

November 24th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


Gwen Stefani’s ska-pop launching pad, No Doubt, has announced an official reunion tour (via an unlikely iChat conversation) on their official website.

That’s good news for those of us who holiday-skanked to “Oi to the World” during the mid-nineties, cry whenever they listen to the lyrics of “Bathwater,” have a crush on Tony Kanal, or are willing to forgive a band of Orange County brats that traveled to the islands, messed around with a few steel drums, emerged with a record splattered with grafitti font, and called the whole damn thing Rock Steady as if it could embody the spirit of a whole genre. Good news. Great news!

But bad news indeed for a couple of silent Harajuku Girls, who, now out of work, might finally have a reason to look so glum:


…I mean, what do you put on the application for Unemployment under “former occupation?” Puppet? Yellow slave? Somebody’s silent biatch?

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