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SPORTS ILLUSTRASIAN: Texass Edition

February 26th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Yeah, yeah, I’ve got my home state on the brain today. A lot of shizzle’s been goin’ down lately in the Lone Star State and with its star athletes. Here’s a quick rundown:


BIG FOOT FRACTURE

Yao is out for the season with a stress fracture in his left foot. Which means Rocket fans are gonna be seeing a lot of Big ‘n’ Tall suits on display for the rest of the season, and not much else. Terrible news after coming off a 12 game win-streak. There’s no Booyao! coming out of H-town today, just boohoo.

TRAPPED IN THE STEROIDS CLOSET

Duuuuude. The Roger Clemens steroids debacle has taken on a weird, R. Kelly-esque twist [oh shit], and I’m proposing a new name for this mess: TITJOB-GATE. Apparently, Congress has received photographic evidence of Clemens partying with Jose “Got More Juice than Jamba” Canseco in 1998, an event that Clemens, under oath, has said he did not attend. It has been alleged that Clemens first talked about doing ‘roids at this party, and that the 7-time Cy Young winner often openly reminisced about that night because his wife Debbie and Jose’s wife Jessica had compared TITJOBS. [titjobs...titjobs...titjobs...]

OUT OF THE CLOSET…CLOSET…CLOSET…

Oh, and raise your hand if you ever thought Andy Pettite would turn out to be not as dumb as he looks?

JUST KEEP BALLIN’, MAN

And, finally, some good news. Matthew McConaughey is stoned!!! And preggo!!! And people are buzzing about his Texas Longhorns taking the national title in basketball. Everyone is stoked, except for my family, who are all Aggies. But Mom, Dad…don’t you want to get on that dirty, greazy bandwagon (to the right)??? Hook ‘em Wooderson!!!

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