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And you know what’s not tiny? The yeast infection I’m getting looking at those cheap hooker panties.
If you’ll excuse me…
Filed under: Cocks, Dicks, Hailey Glassman, Hooker Bitches, Jon and Kate Plus 8, Jon Gosselin, Jon Gosselin Dick, Kiss-And-Tell, Magic Weiners, Mixed People, That's What You Get For Going Out With Hookers, Tiny Penises, Yuck
All of this–the mistasian identity, the objectificasian, the public dismissal–is degrading enough for the poor miss. But the gossip douchtards at I Don’t Like You In That Way took it a step further:
“Michael Phelps is dating an Asian chick, and here he is with some fug Asian chick at LAX earlier this week. Phelps claims this isn’t his girlfriend, and she’s just some stalker, so who knows if it is or not, but I’m mostly concerned with the fact that this thing with the giant implants could even pass for his girlfriend. Phelps has 8 gold medals – he isn’t Wesley Snipes. He should be dating Swedish models or Russian teenagers, not some chick who gives massages and happy endings at a strip mall.”
Listen, I know y’all are about ready to watch me erupt with fury or bust some heads ‘n shit, but I’m not gonna. In my life, I’ve learned a some very important lessons. Here are a select few:
- Never have sex near poison oak (Don’t worry, guys; this one I learned secondhand).
- When a dog is acting out, it most likely needs more exercise.
- When talking shit out with a friend, always say stuff like: “I think” or “I feel” instead of “You are an asswipe jizzface.” (For example, try “Sometimes, because of the fucked up things I feel you do, I think of you as an asswipe jizzface.”)
- Be nice to your parents as soon as they can’t ground you. They deserve it.
- Never get too angry and defensive about what any blogger says, particularly any celebrity blogger. There’s a very low bar and it’s an awfully fast forum–just start your own blog and call them a douche. It’s how we roll!
- Any dude that talks about Asian ladies as somehow sub-par to brainless Baltic models, and only good for happy endings, is likely to have a grey, crooked, tiny, wrinkly dick. And they have definitely never tapped any primo, first-class, top-notch, grade-A Asian pussy. Trust me.
DiversityInc., an online biz mag that deals with potentially sticky work situations regarding race, gender, and orientation, recently published “7 Things NEVER to Say to Asian-American Executives.”
1. “Do you get all red when you drink? What’s up with that?”
2. “Love you long time.”
3. “Why are nail ladies so mean?” or “Why are sushi chefs so mean?” or “Why are Korean spa ladies so mean?”
4. “I had an Asian girlfriend in college. She was fuckin’ crazy. I mean, in a good way. Sort of.”
5. “What’s the deal with Asian porn?”
7. “Is your penis as small as people say it is?” or “Do you have a sideways vagina? And can it shoot out bananas?”
Click here for the real list, which is not as fun.
Pregnant, transgendered man Thomas Beatie went on Oprah yesterday and revealed that not only was he a beauty contestant when he was “Tracy,” he was smokin’ hot to boot–in that nerdy, Winnie from Wonder Years kinda way:
And when he told the audience that he traded all that in for a tiny penis, the usually-boisterous, mostly-female crowd was left to quietly ponder: