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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Gloria Allred

April 2nd, 2010 | 4 comments | Posted by Diana

Famed, self-proclaimed “feminist lawyer” Gloria Allred has accomplished some bold and fascinating things during her long, high-profile career. She sued the Boy Scouts for excluding girls. She repped Nicole Brown Simpson’s family in the O.J. Simpson murder trial. In ’04, she filed the first lawsuit in California challenging the denial of marriage licenses as being unconstitutional.

But Allred also represents Tiger’s classiest mistress, Rachel Uchitel, and helped her nab $10 million to keep her trap shut about her sexy times with the year’s most famous philanderer. She took on client Josyln James, the porn star who’s been peddling her dirty wares alongside an online log of Tiger’s banausic sexts, and seeks an apology for James’s… time?

The attorney now stands alongside a new money-grubbing fame-seeking apology-seeking bandwagoneer: Woods’s kindergarten teacher, Maureen Decker. Decker feels wronged by a story that first appeared in Charles Barkley’s book The Wicked Game, which was published in 2005–and after five years realized that Tiger Woods was wrapped in a shit spiral and ladies everywhere could cash in if they played their cards right she couldn’t take the “migraines, elevated blood pressure, and colitis” for one more day, sought Allred’s inparticular counsel, and went public with her beef.

Does simply signing clients with vaginas make one a feminist? Because we kinda think that a truly pro-fem lawyer would have been the one working to secure Elin Nordegren’s future and due financial security. Instead, she’s taking a percentage of victories for women who feel they are owed something for spreading their legs and screwing somebody else’s husband. Ah, what a powerful message: “If I fuck you, you better take care of me.”

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Even Tammy Wynette Wouldn’t Stand By This Bullsh*t (Tiger Woods Returns To Golf)

March 31st, 2010 | 10 comments | Posted by Jen

Tiger Woods returns to golf next week at the Masters golf tournament in Augusta, GA, which is all a lot of people–myself included–have wanted since news of his multiple extramarital affairs surfaced. Golf may be boring, but nothing’s more boring than seeing Tiger’s “Hey Sexy, What Are You Wearing?” text messages dominate the headlines and knowing the dull minutiae of his life. I mean, porn mistresses and turkey club sandwiches? Could you be more pedestrian?!

["Kittens and Tiger Woods' Sexts" via BuzzFeed]

There’s only one problem with Tiger’s return, and that’s how the media’s predicting things will go. Not with his golf swing, mind you, but with his soon-to-be-ex wife, Elin.

Continue reading Even Tammy Wynette Wouldn’t Stand By This Bullsh*t (Tiger Woods Returns To Golf)

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Sandra Bullock’s Famous Last Words

March 26th, 2010 | 6 comments | Posted by Jen

The NY Post reports that two months before her own husband was exposed as a cheater, Sandra Bullock had this to say about the whole Tiger Woods situation:

“If I were [Tiger's wife] Elin [Nordegren], man, I would have hit a lot more than she did,” Bullock said. “I would have kept hitting.”

A reporter with syndicated TV show “The Insider” egged on the actress with a leading question — “You would have been still swinging the golf club?”

“Yeah, she [Elin] stopped, she was respectable,” Bullock repied. “I’d get the baseball bat, I’d get everything out.”

Does this mean Sandy’s going to beat the shit out of her no-good, MySpace-ing, Vanilla Gorilla couchfucker? We wouldn’t pay money to see the The Blind Side–or almost any Sandra Bullock movie, really–but we’d sure as hell pay to see that.

[NY Post: Sandra Bullock would have used bat on Tiger]

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