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Harvard Sucks

November 19th, 2010 | 5 comments | Posted by Jen

A prank Yale pulled at the 2004 Harvard-Yale game

Harvard sucks.

Yes, I went to Yale, so I’m supposed to say that. But, no, really, Harvard sucks. Because, in advance of the Harvard-Yale game this weekend–aka “The Game”–Harvard comedy group, On Harvard Time, put out a video spoofing “Why I Chose Yale,” that singing-and-dancing Yale admissions video that made the rounds earlier in the year, only instead of just targeting the university, the Harvard spoof made fun of poor people in New Haven–which has the second-highest poverty level in CT and where 1 in 4 families live below the line–and mocked poverty’s attendant issues, like crime and homelessness.

Watch here:

Now, it doesn’t take a Harvard education to know that poverty really fucking sucks. But apparently it takes a Harvard education to think it’s hilarious!

(Sidenote: The majority of New Haven’s poor also happen to be people of color. Make of that what you will.)

Also hilarious: murder! The On Harvard Time video originally included a joke about the murder of Yale grad student, Annie Le–”What happened to that girl that got murdered and stuffed in a wall?” went the line around the :55 mark–which was subsequently changed after Yale students publicly expressed outrage.

Don’t get me wrong. Yale sucks too. Its admission video that On Harvard Time was Continue reading Harvard Sucks

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Playboy’s Sucky "2 Girls 1 Sub"

May 20th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Is it because I don’t have a penis that I find this attempt-at-a-viral-vid put out by Playboy, “2 Girls 1 Sub,” totally unappetizing? (Apparently poor Quizno’s had nothing to do with it.)

Or does it just suck?

Right now, my ears are bleeding from listening to all of that fake moaning.

[via BuzzFeed]
[Advertising Age: Quiznos: We Did Not Hop on Poop-Porn Bandwagon]

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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Harvard and the Harvard Lampoon

January 18th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen
Veritas means “truth”


When I was growing up, three words were sacrosanct in my house: Hafo (Harvard), Yelu (Yale), and M.I.T. (granted, that’s an acronym, but the Massachusetts Institute of Technology is a cruel mouthful for immigrant parents whose second language is English). The first time I visited the East Coast, where my dad attended some physics conference, I toured the Harvard, M.I.T., and Brown campuses, and all I got was a lousy Harvard t-shirt. That seems significant in hindsight. I guess Harvard was, even in my world of Great Hardass Asian Expectations, the crème de la crème.

Four years later, when it came time to apply to colleges, I knew that applying early bettered your chances of getting accepted, and you could only do that for one school, so I chose Yale. It was completely random and I still don’t know why that became my first choice. I am convinced that being first-generasian from a bumfuck Texas town helped get me in, and once that happened, I was so shocked, bewildered, and stoked that I didn’t consider other colleges (even though it nearly cost my parents their house and I immediately went into heavy student debt).

I never perceived any real difference between the two universities, unlike my roommate Mimi’s Hardass Asian Mom, who thought Yale was a safety school and was disappointed for four years that her daughter hadn’t gotten into the big H. The Harvard-Yale game always sucked, because the football sucked, the cheerleaders sucked, the marching bands sucked (on purpose in Yale’s case), the crowd chants sucked, and I’ve always maintained that tailgating–the raison d’etre of that game–is for football pussies. But I could never quite muster up the energy to yell, “Harvard Sucks.”

Diana thinks that Harvard grads have limp handshakes (sorry RJ and Kathy), but I know plenty of “Yalies” (vomits in mouth) who do, too. Because of my early indoctrinasian, I’ve only held Harvard in high esteem–it was Yale in prettier environs–until this week, when I learned that the Harvard Lampoon named Paris Hilton “Woman of the Year.”

Now, for a little history of the award. Past Women of the Year include: Katharine Hepburn, Shirley Maclaine, Lauren Bacall, Julie Andrews, Carol Burnett, Liza Minnelli, Elizabeth Taylor, Lucille Ball, Jodie Foster, Diane Keaton, Goldie Hawn, and Meryl Streep, to name a few.

More recent Women of the Year, like Scarlett Johansson and Halle Berry, may lack the talent of a Kate, Liz or Meryl, but at the very least, they are easy on the eyes.

But Paris Fuckin’ Hilton?!? Whose talents include cocksmoking in grainy homemade videos, flashing her cooter in public, drunk driving, and introducing the phrase “That’s hot” into our cultural vernacular? Paris Hilton with the lazy eye? What?!?

Is this one of those meta-things, which Ivy League whippersnappers are so damned fond of, like a joke of a joke?

Ha ha! Ha ha!

I still don’t get it.

I guess Harvard Sucks.

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