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Obama’s First State Of The Union: We Kinda Wanna Kowtow

January 28th, 2010 | 1 comment | Posted by Diana

Did y’all watch President Obama’s entire State of the Union speech last night?

Mad Daddy

Was it just us, or did Father sound MAAAAAAAAD? I damn near jumped out of my skin when he belted “I DON’T QUIT” from those mighty, Hardass Daddy lungs. While I shivered with fear, I felt good and right, hopeful and safe. And glad, so glad.

(Man, we had fucked up childhoods.)

If you missed last night’s speech [shrugs] because you were busy doing something else, watch all 70 minutes or so below:

Continue reading Obama’s First State Of The Union: We Kinda Wanna Kowtow

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President Obama’s Half-Brother May Be An Opportunist… But He’s Also, Like, Chinese!

November 4th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Does it make us squirm a little to learn that President Obama’s half-brother has conveniently adopted his father’s last name, just in time to promote his semi-autobiographical book about the dad he shares with our President? Yes.


Mark Obama Ndesandjo, President Obama's half-brother, promoting his new book in China

Mark Obama Ndesandjo, President Obama's half-brother, promoting his new book in China




But does the thought of another adorable, amazian munchkin visiting Uncle Barack in the White House someday make us squeal, a lot? YUP.

[AFP: Obama's Half-brother Speaks Of Their Abusive Father]

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But What’s Her Take On the Bailout?

October 21st, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Of COURSE I think that the very suggestion of “Paris for President” (as opposed to really delightful ideas/jokes, like Murs para Presidente or McCain 4 Prez) is abominable. It’s not even funny. NOT EVEN FUNNY.


That is, unless nummy model William Chan (see above, right) actually would be one of Paris’s Secret Service men. In which case, she could very well have my vote.

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Yea or Naysian

July 21st, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana
“You know what? I am actually not that much into voting.
I think it’s kinda crazy that a woman is running, because I think that women deal with a lot of emotions and menopause and PMS and stuff. Like, I’m so moody all the time, I know I couldn’t be able to run a country…”
–Brooke Hogan, in a forthcoming episode of ‘Brooke Knows Best’

Dear Brooke,

Here’s the funny thing. I’m a woman, a woman dealing with a lot of emotions right now–not menopause, maybe PMS. I’m feeling totally nauseous and moody. Like, I’m looking at your face and I totally want to throw up. I’m reading about your nonchalance regarding voting and it’s putting me in a full-on bad mood. And in parsing through your idiotic assessment of why it’s crazy for a woman to be running for office… well, hell, it makes me so furious that I want to wage war on the Hogan family and bomb your ass.

Oh. Hunh. I guess that kinda makes me qualified to be President after all, huh?

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Graduasian

May 5th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Conversasian between George W. Bush and Kasha Maria Charlton, a student whose Kansas town was devastated by a tornado a year ago, at her high school graduation:

GEORGE W.: Well, Kara, this is some graduatin‘ y’all are doin’ here.

KASHA MARIA: Thank you Mr. President. Um… Mr. President, my name is actually Kasha, not Kara.

GEORGE W.: That’s what I said, darlin’. Kara. I know sometimes it’s hard to hear through my axe-int. I’m from Texas. The Mexicanos call it Tey-hoss, but they are wrrrrongo.

KASHA MARIA: Sorry, sir. So yeah, er… Mr. President, there’s a “sh” sound in my name. Kasha.

GEORGE W.: I heard you the first time, goshbedarnit, Kara. It’s not nukular science.

KASHA MARIA: (ashamed) Oh my gosh, you’re right, sir. I’m so sorry, sir. I apologize, Mr. President.

GEORGE W.: Don’t worry about it, kiddo. So what’ve we got goin’ on up in here?

KASHA MARIA: Well sir, this is our high school graduation. We’ve overcome a lot to get here, what with the natural disaster and all.

GEORGE W.: (panicked) There wasn’t a hurricane, was there? Should we Chevy to the levee real quick?

KASHA MARIA: Oh no, sir. So um, Mr. President, I thought you knew–a really big tornado ripped through this area exactly one year ago.

GEORGE W.: Oh yeah! Tornad-a. Rhymes with Al Qaeda. That’s how Dick taught me how to say it. Tornad-a-Al-Qeada is like, a demonic device, which means it helps you remember stuff and stuff. Tornad-as, shoot, we call ‘em spinners at home. They look like Bugles. Delicious! Man, speakin’ of crispy corn snacks, I could really go for a box of Bugles right about now. How’d that spinner of yours turn out, anyway?

KASHA MARIA: Sir, it destroyed 90% of this town. 11 people died. I thought that’s why you came here to speak at our graduation. Because you wanted to take the time out to congratulate us on our success through tragedy, and lift this area’s morale–that is, between your hectic schedule of war-waging, fact-faking, and daughter-marrying.

GEORGE W.: Oh, only 11 people died?

KASHA MARIA: Uh… only?

GEORGE W.: Yeah, it’s like I tell all those donkey-asses every day. Only about 2,000 people died in Katrina. Only 5 grand have died in Iraq. That’s a small price to pay for American national security.

KASHA MARIA: Sir?

GEORGE W.: Hmm?

KASHA MARIA: What do natural disasters have to do with national security?

GEORGE W.: I guess mostly it all has to do with the fact that I don’t give two shakes of a lambs tail about poor people.

KASHA MARIA: What?!?! That doesn’t even make sense!

GEORGE W.: I mean, I feel t-terribly for your people. But t-terror has got to be stopped. Lots of folks kicked the bucket under Clinton and Reagan and heck, tons during World War II. Git the heck off my back, ‘naw what I’m sayin?

KASHA MARIA: Mr. President, no. No I don’t.

GEORGE W.: Well Kashi, that’s because you’re very young. You’ve only finished high school. And I’m sure you worked really hard studying all that ‘rithmetic and verbs and tests like the C.A.T. and stuff. But sometimes you’ve got to be a wealthy white oil man to understand stuff like this.

KASHA MARIA: Right. Mr. President, I actually think I have to go speak to the principal now.

GEORGE W.: That can wait, can’t it? We’re havin’ a blast! I can probably get us some Jell-O shots, if you want ‘em. Jell-O shots always remind me of graduations. Or is it the other way around?

KASHA MARIA: Actually, sir, I have to go to the bathroom.

GEORGE W.: Number one or number two?

KASHA MARIA: Oh my Lord. Will somebody please take the picture?

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New Hampshire: Asian and Heard

January 8th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana
This guy??

I creeped out listened in on a bunch of young New Hampshire voters yesterday talking about the issues and why they vote. To my delight, one of them was Asian. To my dismay, “The Asian” was also a 20-ish stuttering Republicasian voting for John McCain. Dammit! Whaaattt? NOOO!

My party bias aside, I was at least excited to hear her thoughts on the most major issues facing voters today: “I donno, I think Bush has done a really good job with the war.” And the problems that the future leader of the free world would need to tackle: “Nothing really. I think everything is pretty good.” And why her candidasian would be the best guy for the job: “I’m pretty sure he’d do change for the good.”

On her major sources for news and information: “I read the newspapers and talk to my parents… [I'm a Republican] because my parents are.”

Well shit, at least her parents are happy with their little DISGRASIAN.

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Live From New Hampshasian

January 7th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Hi everybody! I’m blogging live from Manchester, New Hampshire, site of the New Hampshire primary! Everywhere you turn is another Presidential candidasian.

Me saying “Yowassup!!! Read DISGRASIAN!” to Matt “Smokin’” Lauer in the hallway.


Currently, I am sitting on the floor of the Radisson, which is like the Bermuda triangle for all news media (I’m actually stealing wifi from C-SPAN and blocking MSNBC’s shot).

Just wanted to give you all a few updates on today’s activities:

  • Asians witnessed firsthand (by me) walking around the premises: 1
  • Asians witnessed firsthand (by me) that don’t actually live in NH, but came as a staff member of Presidential Candidate (R) Duncan Hunter: 1
  • Asians witnessed supporting Mitt Romney: 0
  • How many more Asians are in New Hampshire than Iowa: 1
  • Head-whipping takes Diana made after realizing she was eating lunch next to Dennis Kucinich: 4
  • Amount of times Diana made MySpace vlogger Lee Brenner shudder by making inappropriate jokes with Whitney Cummings near Duncan Hunter: 4
  • Lattes consumed: 3
  • Brian Williamses seen: 1
  • Times Diana plugged DISGRASIAN to Matt Lauer as he tried to uncomfortably but respectfully escape out the front door: 6
  • Times Matt Lauer actually listened to what Diana was saying: 0
  • Chinese restaurants on Elm Street: 1
  • Times Diana said to HuffPo’s James Boyce that “we write for 23/6!”: 3
  • Arianna Huffington appearances: TBD

…More to come!!!

*update: firsthand Asians-witnessed account is up to 10 (all in one place–Merrimack Restaurant), yeah!

Photo Source: Whitney Cummings

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Next Stop: Inaugurasian Daysian

December 19th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana
“Those damn liberals!”

South Korea has elected Lee “The Bulldozer” Myung-bak as their new president, and he’s a former Hyundai CEO with a sketchy-possibly-criminal past and a boldly conservative economic plan for the future.

AP reports:
South Koreans apparently wanted change so badly that they were willing to overlook accusations of ethical lapses that dogged Lee throughout his campaign.

Just days before the election, parliament approved an independent counsel investigation into allegations that Lee manipulated stock. The investigation is to be completed before the Feb. 25 inauguration, and Lee has said he will step down if found at fault.

“After all, the people chose the economy over morality,” the Maeil Business Newspaper wrote in an editorial for its Thursday editions.

Oh geez, South Korea. Take it from us, ‘cuz we speak from experience. Not a great idea.

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Could It Be True?

March 30th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

President George Washington is reportedly STILL ALIVE. If these reports are substantiated, the Father of Our Country would be 275 years old, making him the oldest man and the oldest living ex-president. His current whereabouts are unknown, but here he is accepting a chinky-ass scroll from a pretty lady some time in the last 24 hours:


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