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DISGWITTER OF THE WEAK! Golf Writer Dan Jenkins

April 12th, 2010 | 5 comments | Posted by Jen

Oh man. Who knew golf was filled with so much drrrrrrrrama? No, I’m not talking about Phil Mickelson winning the Masters and hugging his wife, who’s been battling breast cancer, after. That was sweet and a welcome break from you know who.

So, yes, I guess I am talking about you know who, but only a little, because I am so seriously bored by Tiger Woods at this point, and I’m kinda mad about it, you know? Because who knew that having sex with porn stars and maybe getting a golf club to the face from your wife was so effing dull? I mean, is nothing SACRED???

Anyway. The point is, Tiger returns to golf. And he looks pretty good on the first day (ultimately, he comes in fourth). But then he has to open his mouth after and compare his comeback to Ben Hogan’s in 1949.

“It’s very similar to what Hogan went through coming off the accident,” Woods said. “He couldn’t play that much, and when you can’t play, you have to concentrate on your practice.”

Ben Hogan was in a car accident, see, back in 1949, just like Tiger. Only he threw himself in front of his wife inside their car to save her when a Greyhound bus plowed into them. And he only, like, broke his collarbone, pelvis, ankle and ribs. So, yes, it is VERY SIMILAR, Tiger. That is to say, Fire your handlers immediately, you dumbass.

80 year-old golf writer, Dan Jenkins, who knew Hogan, was quick to point out that Continue reading DISGWITTER OF THE WEAK! Golf Writer Dan Jenkins

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Tiger Woods In A “Threesome,” Reports The NY Times

April 6th, 2010 | 3 comments | Posted by Jen

You know, when the NY Daily News reported it, I didn’t believe it.

But if the NY Times reports it, it MUST be true.

So who’s gonna bring the turkey club sandwiches???

[NY Times: Woods to Play in Group With Choi and Kuchar]

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Even Tammy Wynette Wouldn’t Stand By This Bullsh*t (Tiger Woods Returns To Golf)

March 31st, 2010 | 10 comments | Posted by Jen

Tiger Woods returns to golf next week at the Masters golf tournament in Augusta, GA, which is all a lot of people–myself included–have wanted since news of his multiple extramarital affairs surfaced. Golf may be boring, but nothing’s more boring than seeing Tiger’s “Hey Sexy, What Are You Wearing?” text messages dominate the headlines and knowing the dull minutiae of his life. I mean, porn mistresses and turkey club sandwiches? Could you be more pedestrian?!

["Kittens and Tiger Woods' Sexts" via BuzzFeed]

There’s only one problem with Tiger’s return, and that’s how the media’s predicting things will go. Not with his golf swing, mind you, but with his soon-to-be-ex wife, Elin.

Continue reading Even Tammy Wynette Wouldn’t Stand By This Bullsh*t (Tiger Woods Returns To Golf)

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