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The Lohan Family: Carvel-ing Out A Niche In Low-Rent History

June 18th, 2010 | 6 comments | Posted by Diana

DINA LOHAN

Guys, I think I just read the most humiliating sublebrity story I’ve ever read. Like, ever.

It involves a certain celebrity mom (ahem, see right) abusing her two cash cows’ daughters’ Carvel Black Cards to the point of a major incident (I’m talking, like, cops).  The tore-up, deluded famewhore mother leaked her version of the story to the tabloids and played the victim–in response, Carvel cleared their name by publicly naming and shaming the whole family in an official press release.

NOT LYING: I AM LITERALLY JITTERING WITH TINGLES OF MORTIFICASIAN FOR EVERYONE INVOLVED.

Read what I wrote again, please. I’m not talking about the AMEX Black Card, I’m talking about a freebie card distributed by CARVEL–the ice cream company–to famous (Ali Lohan is famous? Eh, who am I to judge) folks, to entice those  celebrities to come in person (as stated in the card’s fine print) to Carvel stores for a maximum of $25 free purchases per week, for 75 years. Pretty sweet deal for a bunch of people who’ll likely be in rehab or formerly famous in ten years!

I am so mortified by this press release that I have no choice to post it here for you in full, straight from the Carvel blog. Here goes:

Carvel Responds To Dina Lohan Complaint

Posted on June 17, 2010 by carvelicecream

ATLANTA, GA (June 17, 2010) – As part of Carvel’s 75th Anniversary celebration Continue reading The Lohan Family: Carvel-ing Out A Niche In Low-Rent History

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