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All good things must come to an end, and so my guest stint on the Yo, Is This Racist? podcast with my new BFF Andrew Ti has reached its conclusion. Did we save the best for last? You be the judge:
The post I refer to in the podcast, the one where my Hardass Asian Mom and I (sorta) live-blogged The Karate Kid remake, can be found here. It’s probably one of the most popular posts I’ve ever written for the site–due entirely to the hilarity of the HAMeo (Hardass Asian Mom’s cameo)–so if you’re not familiar with it, check it out.
And if you want more Yo, Is This Racist?, subscribe to the podcast, read the site, read Andrew’s other equally hilarious site, Yo, Should I Dump This Asshole?, like Yo, Is This Racist? on Facebook, follow it on Twitter, but no matter how much you love his flow, please please do not hug Andrew on the street, yo.
Filed under: Andrew Ti, Evil Dead, Jackie Chan, Jaden Smith, Kung Fu Fighting, Kung Fu Movie Genre, Kung Fu Movies, Martial Arts, Racism Questions, Racist Stuff, Silat, Stabbing People, The Karate Kid, The Karate Kid Remake, The Raid, Yo Is This Racist?, Yo Should I Dump This Asshole
Any use of inappropriate cultural terms or conflation with the original movie is entirely intentional:
The Karate Kid (Jaden Smith) and his Mom (Taraji Henson) are leaving Detroit. Lest you think this is a single black mom/deadbeat dad scenario, we’re told upfront that the Karate Kid’s Dad is dead…period. Detroit is portrayed as a gray, dismal city full of shuttered storefronts. This is America in our continued state of joblessness, America in the 21st century, America on the decline. But China, where they’re headed for Mom’s work, is the land of opportunity, the land of now, the land on the up-and-up, or, as the Karate Kid’s Mom puts it, “a magical new land,” like unicorns live there or something.
The Karate Kid tries out his Mandarin on the Asian dude sitting across the aisle from him on the plane. “Dude, I’m from Detroit,” the Asian dude says. Light laughs from the audience, which is mostly made up of families with tween children and some creepy older loners who probably wanted to be Daniel-san back in the day. My Hardass Asian Mom (HAM) approves of this joke: “Not all Chinese or Asian looking guy speaks Chinese, this is true.”
Meanwhile: Where is my Bananarama remix???
When the Karate Kid and his Mom arrive at the airport, their lady driver is holding a sign Continue reading DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Liveblogging The Karate Kid Remake With Jen’s Hardass Asian Mama
Filed under: Bananarama, China, Gong Fu, Hardass Asian Moms, Hardass Asian Mothers, Hardass Asian Parents, Inappropriate Crushes, Jackie Chan, Jaden Smith, Kung Fu, Nerds, Tamlyn Tomita, The Karate Kid, The Karate Kid Remake, Unicorns, Wax On Wax Off
NEWSFLASH: China is America’s enemy.
Okay, so this is not news exactly. But it’s a meme that’s getting some pop cultural attention this year with the release of two 80′s movie remakes that promote the idea–two of my favorite movies growing up, as it so happens–The Karate Kid, which opens in a week, and Red Dawn, which will debut in November.
The new Karate Kid is set in Beijing, where those oversized, sandy-haired thugs, aka Cobra Kai, have been updated into a gang of oversized, slanty-eyed thugs.
There are good Chinese people to balance out this “I am extremely terrified of Chinese Continue reading DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! The Karate Kid And Red Dawn: Two Movie Remake-Wrongs Don’t Make A Right
Filed under: 80's Movie Remakes, 80's Movies, Bullies, China, China the New Superpower, Chinysteria, Cobra Kai, I Am Extremely Terrified of Chinese People, Jackie Chan, Karate Kid Remake, Red Dawn, Red Dawn Remake, Remakes Always Suck, The Chinese Are Coming The Chinese Are Coming, The Karate Kid, Underdogs, Wolverines, Xenophobia, Yellow Peril
Like me, Will Smith was in Asia this past weekend, only he was promoting his new film “I Am Legend,” which opens stateside Friday, while I was losing money on the ponies (long story).
After Tokyo, Smith went on to Hong Kong, where he reportedly asked action superhottie/director Stephen Chow to produce, direct, and star in Smith’s remake of “The Karate Kid.” This comes after weeks of rumors that Jackoff Chan was set to play Mr. Miyagi and Smith’s son Jaden would play Ralph Macchio (isn’t that creepy Smith imp 7 years old or something?).
In response to the offer, Chow told reporters:
“I’m very fond of ‘The Karate Kid’ and would love to join in the remake project, no matter as a producer, director or actor. But it depends on my schedule…”
TRANSLASIAN: Are you fucking kidding me? If I have to say, “Wax on, Wax Off,” I will wax your nutsack, naw mean?
First Bollywood, now the rest of Asia. You gotta hand it to Slick Willy Smith, who declared his desire to shoot the Karate Kid remake in China, for ka-ching-chonging his way onto the Mother Ship. No wonder he landed the cover of Entertainment Weekly‘s “50 Smartest People In Hollywood” issue and #5 on the list. Perhaps he will use some of that ka-ching to buy a less creepy family and friends.
Rumors have been flying through the Hollywood grapevine today that Sony will soon be ushering in a re-make of the timeless classic, The Karate Kid, produced through Will Smith’s Overbrook Pictures.
I must tell you, I’m buzzing with excitement. Believe me, I know The Karate Kid(s). All of ‘em.
I was there for the first one, where Ralph Macchio (Italian dude) bests the cocky dudes of the Cobra Kai (bunch of white dudes) in the All Valley Championship for not only title, but honor.
I then came back hungrily for the second one, in which Macchio (still an Italian fella) travels all the way to Japan to takes down a lifetime martial artist on his own turf–for the heart of a soft-spoken Japanese girl.
I even saw the third one–which was a total bomb–in which Macchio (yes, I checked again and yes, he’s still Italian) beats the same White Cobra Kais (now led by an even more sinister white leader, this time with a pony tail) to uphold his title. Although at this point nobody even cared and about 6 people went to see it in the theater.
No matter! The crafty people of Hollywood knew that there was just a teensy bit more money to make on this illustrious franchise. And so they found a sexy new Karate Kid… who wasn’t Asian either. But at least she was a girl, and a future Oscar winner.
So now, I’m ready. It’s our time– We’re Asian! Martial Arts is our bag! Though we’ve been practicing martial arts our whole lives, the only Asian person worth their “wax off” in these movies has been dishonored in his home country by a kid from Reseda. Puhleeze!
So who’s it gonna be? What young, attractive, diamond-in-the-rough Asian kid is going to be the new Kid of Karate?
Oh. Will Smith’s kid, Jaden. Close enough, I guess.
Guess who crawled out of the woodwork last night for the New York premiere of Hairspray the movie musical?
Forever the Karate Kid (Hilary Swank will just have to comfort herself with her two Oscars), forever young-looking, and…
…I guess there’s nothing else to say about Ralph Macchio.