You are currently browsing posts tagged with The Haragossip Girls

Gossip Girl Goes Over to the Dark Side (Again)

December 10th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen


Gossip Girl and ethnics don’t mix. It’s been well-documented by DISGRASIAN since the first episode, when the Black Chick and the Asian Chick (aka The Haragossip Girls) were mutely paraded around in matching outfits, that non-white characters tend to be used on the show like accessories. After the writers’ strike, when the actress who played the Asian Chick decided to go back to Brown to study neuroscience instead of returning to the hit show where she had more headbands than lines (I know..how Asian), the Mutasian was replaced by another Asian Chick, whose character turned out to be a royally drippy–and tragically uninteresting–Nerd.

It’s only when the show stopped all of its tokenizing whatthefuckery that it actually got good. Season 2 opened with a “White Party” in the Hamptons (Diddy was nowhere to be seen), a fitting metaphor for what Gossip Girl is really about: pretty, rich white people trapped in a particular ring of hell where life is one neverending party that you can never leave. The Black Chick and the New Asian Chick have cropped up here and there, and they do speak now and again, but you’d be hard-pressed to name them, because they’re on the show so infrequently. The only ethnics left who still have significant roles are Dorota, the Waldorfs’ Polish maid (ethnic in the old school sense and a more politically-correct, non-WASP buffoon), and Vanessa, who I still contend is coded brown, mostly because of the gigantic earrings she always wears, but their place in the GG hierarchy has more to do with money and education (and their lack thereof) than with ethnicity, perceived or otherwise.

Which is fine by me, because ethnicity is clearly beyond the show’s reach. People of color on the show have been portrayed about as accurately as Yale was in Episode 6 of this year, when the Dean was depicted as a George Plimpton-esque bon vivant who had nothing better to do than play parlor games with prospectives and the co-ed, secret senior society Skull and Bones was THE Skull and Bones, all-male, and had a boner for Chuck Bass, who is still in high school.

Speaking of Gossip Girl‘s resident bad boy, Chuck seems to be the only character still dabbling with the dark side (i.e. the non-white). Whether it’s his rendezvous with that Japanese flight attendant earlier in the season, or his coy reference to his “daily shiatsu” a few episodes back, or the intriguing preview we got at the end of Monday night’s episode (see below), Chuck’s escape from the restricting corset of Upper East gentility usually involves a skeevy dive into the Otherworld:

Is that an Oriental massage parlor I see? An opium den? An Oriental massage parlor/opium den? What’s with that Asian drumming music? Don’t get me wrong, I’m down with Chuck’s downward spiral into abject hedonism–the most interesting if overacted plot development of the show thus far–but please, for the love of sweet white Jesus, leave us out of this.

Filed under: , , , , , , , , ,

Gossip Girl Invasian

May 23rd, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Television’s most inexplicably riveting and addictive piece of designer poo, Gossip Girl, has found its way over to Japan–at least in advertising, anyway.

This billboard was snapped in Shibuya, my favorite shopping neighborhood in Tokyo, and it is for JJ magazine, a teenybopper fashion rag.

And, just as things are in Gossip Girlville, USA, the Asian chick in the back (with the knee socks) also doesn’t speak.

Source
Thanks, Jasmine!

Filed under: , , , ,

Gossip Girl: Deleted Scenes

May 6th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Not spotted last night on the CW’s Gossip Girl:


EXT. METROPOLITAN MUSEUM OF ART – DAY

JENNY HUMPHREY, aka “Li’l J,” walks up the steps, trailed by HER POSSE, just as BLAIR WALDORF and her HARAGOSSIP GIRLS approach.

JENNY
It’s so hard to find good help these days.

BLAIR
Tsk, tsk, Li’l J. I would have thought that you’d learned by now. It’s all about the ethnics. They’re industrious, they don’t talk back, and they have gorgeous skin.

JENNY
Industrious, huh? Is that why you’re carrying your own breakfast?


Blair looks down at her carton of fruit and throws it to the ground. She gives the evil eye to the HaraGossip Girls.

BLAIR
You lazy whores! I’m going to beat your asses when we get home!


CUT TO:



INT. BLAIR WALDORF’S BEDROOM – DAY

NELLY YUKI, aka The Replacement Asian HaraGossip Girl, hands Blair a phone.

NELLY
There you go, “B.” A new cell phone, just like you asked.


Blair looks at the phone in horror.

BLAIR
What the fuck is this? An LG? This is disgusting-looking! It’s so…GHETTO. I said I wanted an iPhone, you stupid slut!


Blair grabs the phone and hits Nelly over the head with it. Nelly WHIMPERS softly.

CUT TO:



INT. UPPER EAST SIDE APARTMENT – NIGHT

Nelly and ISABEL COATES, aka The Black HaraGossip Girl, flank MIDGETY GIRL IN HEADBAND.

MIDGETY GIRL IN HEADBAND
Oh my gaw. I’m sooo relieved that you guys could work my party tonight! It’s so hard to find good help these days. Do you think Blair’s going to find out?

ISABEL
If she does, she’ll be pissed.

NELLY
Pray she doesn’t, because she’ll beat the shit out of us for two-timing her.

MIDGETY GIRL IN HEADBAND
That would be sooo cool.

ISABEL
What?

MIDGETY GIRL IN HEADBAND
Oh, nothing! (beat) Criminy–there’s Blair!


Blair makes her way up the stairs in a spotted coat and walks over to the girls.

ISABEL and NELLY
(in unison) We’re fucked.

BLAIR
Hi, ladies!

MIDGETY GIRL IN HEADBAND
I’m Audi 5000.


Midgety Girl flees the scene.

NELLY
Please don’t hurt us. We’re only working this party so that I could pay for the LG that you destroyed.

ISABEL
And the iPhone you demanded.

BLAIR
OMFG! You two are a piece of work. Do you really think that MY world revolves around YOU two? I’ve got, like, way bigger, way whiter fish to fry. Like outing Li’l J’s puffy, closeted boyfriend. Let’s see…where is he? (beat) Hold my coat?


Blair walks away. The HaraGossip Girls breathe a sigh of relief.

ISABEL
We just dodged a bullet. We’re so lucky to still be here. We should be grateful.

NELLY
Sooo lucky. Sooo grateful.

FADE OUT.

Filed under: , , , , , , ,

XOXO, HaraGossip Girl

April 9th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

HaraGossip Girl here. You’re one and only silent source into the scandalous lives of Manhattan’s elite. Seen today in the pages of New York’s most salacious tabloids–“A ‘Gossip Girl’ dropout – or did Leighton Meester push her out?” That’s right, yours truly has fled the eating disorder-infested, Tory Burch-worshiping, Hamptons-summering, coked-out confines of Park Avenue for the eating disorder-infested, Tory Burch-worshiping, Westport-summering, coked-out confines of Brown University. Miss me?

There will be a new Asian chick on the Upper East Side, but she’s apparently not my replacement. An unnamed source has confirmed that homegirl’s just part of a ‘new group of random bitchy girls.’ Random, huh? Come to think of it, maybe she is my replacement. Whatever, moving on…

Even though Gossip Girl creator Josh Schwartz is spreading the rumor that I enrolled at Brown during the writers’ strike and failed to tell anyone (I mean, who is he kidding? Has he never heard of a Blackberry?), only I know the reason why I left, and you’re getting the 411 first.

Truth is, during the writers’ strike, I watched the show on reruns and had a life-changing realization. Namely…FUCK THIS. I gave up a budding career in neuroscience research to be set dressing? To be a sidekick to that doughy-faced brunette and that wrinkly Gwyneth wannabe? Aw hell no. I’m going back to school to discover the cure for Alzheimer’s. Right around the time Gossip Girl jumps the shark (prediction: midway through season 2), you’ll find me scooping up a Nobel. Au revoir, bitches!

xoxo, ex-HaraGossip Girl”

Source
Thanks, Jasmine!

Filed under: , , , , , , , , ,

Free at Last! Free at Last! Thank God Almighty, They Are Free at Last!

January 10th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Finally, our prayers and all of our bitching and moaning have been answered!

On last night’s Gossip Girl “winter finale” (read: last episode shot before the writers’ strike), the HaraGossip Girls were liberated from their owner Blair Waldorf! And allowed to let freedom and their voices riiiiiiiiing!

Give me liberty or give me death! Freedom is the will to be responsible to ourselves! Cuz I’m free, to do what I want, any old time! Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter! Black Power! Yellow Power! The Color Purple!

There’s only one itty-bitty problem with the liberation of the HaraGossip Girls. They bravely shook off the yoke of Queen B because…the horror!…she committed the moral sin of…gasp!…sleeping with…the shame!…two guys in one week…(yawn).

SO. FUCKING. LAME.

My only hope for them now is that, during their “hiatus,” the HaraGossip Girls get run over by a crosstown bus on their way to buying matching outfits at Scoop. And once the strike ends and a new season of Gossip Girl begins, this is how it will open:

INT. CONSTANCE BILLARD SCHOOL CHAPEL – MOURNING. ER, MORNING.

Blair enters the school chapel in black mourning garb, killer Louboutin heels. She is dewy and luscious-looking, despite the tragedy that has occurred. She walks to the front of the chapel and takes the stage.

BLAIR
I love my dead mute slaves! Ooooooh boooo-hoooooo! Where will I possibly find their replacements? Spence? Chapin? Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!

Serena, her hair flowing like the mane of a galloping Palomino, rushes to the front of the chapel and whisks Blair away to a private room, where they make out and guzzle Xanax together until they see rainbows and unicorns in life once more.

FADE OUT.

Source: The CW

Filed under: , , , , ,

A HaraGossip Girl Speaks!

November 28th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

“Hey everyone! Nan Zhang here. I play Katy Farkas on Gossip Girl, but you probably know me as ‘the Asian Chick’ or one of the ‘HaraGossip Girls.’ There’s been a lot of talk lately about how Nicole, i.e. ‘the Black Chick,’ and I, well, don’t talk. And people are making that out to be some kind of terrible tragedy. But I’m here to set the record straight and say that we, the HaraGossip Girls, are soooooo stoked to be part of a hit show on the funky fresh CW network, and we really really really love what we do. I mean, look at my face in the photo above, taken from a recent shoot. I am over the moon! I am ecstatic! I could not ask for a better job! My education in neuroscience at Johns Hopkins is totally paying off and helping me to develop Katy into a three-dimensional character! My parents are proud of me, and they’re perfectly content to see me in the background of every shot, they don’t care if I speak or whatever…

…And you should be too. Because I am. Honestly, I’m just happy to be here. So so so happy. Did I mention that I was happy? I’m over the moon. Freakin’ ecstatic. I, uh, I…really and…uh, truly…could not ask for a better job.”

[sounds of sobbing and tearing one's hair out]

Source

Filed under: , , , , ,

DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Gossip Girl

October 26th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Diana and I realized this week that we are masochists. What else explains why we subject ourselves to shows like A Shot at Love with Tila Tiqueerla or the CW’s Gossip Girl, which is not unlike gouging away at our eyeballs with thumbtacks?

Truth be told, we’ve been blinding ourselves with Gossip Girl to track the progress of the HARAGOSSIP GIRLS. You know, the Black Chick and the Asian Chick who never talk but always dress identically? Their name, for those of you just checking in with us, pays homage to DISGRASIAN Hall-of-Shamer Gwen Stefani’s Harajuku Girls, the original posse of Asian Chicks who trail their blonde master everywhere, never talk, and always dress identically.

The HaraGossip Girls are no different. They have more handbags than they’ve had lines on the show. But boy, have those bitches looked fierce.

Here they are in the pilot, mutely flanking Chuck, the James Spader-as-Steff-in-Pretty in Pink impersonator:

Then we have them in the second episode, “Wild Brunch,” trailing their owner Blair, aka A Poor Man’s Rachel Bilson:

I just love them as accessories! Oops–Freudian slip–what I meant to say was, I love their accessories! Where can I get me an ostrich bag?

And there was my own personal favorite, “Poison Ivy,” where everyone was trying to brown-nose their way into the Ivies:

And the sleepover episode, “Dare Devil,” where the HaraGossip Girls dared to give each other matching pearls!

Finally, this week, in the ever-so-aptly titled “Handmaiden’s Tale,” the HaraGossip Girls actually had one, two lines maybe–but that was only because they had to do the bidding of their master Blair, by helping Blair’s drippy boyfriend Nate, A Poor Man’s Ian Somerhalder (which is welfare-poor), “find” their owner at the masquerade ball.

“You look hot, betch.”
“No, you look hot, betch.”
“That’s what I said.”
“That’s what I said.”
“Are we the same person?”
“Are we the same person?”
“Stop it!”
“You stop it!”


But not to worry. This week, a new colored girl, Vanessa, was introduced as the old flame of Dan Humphrey, aka The Poor Kid, back suddenly from a year-stint in Vermont… and she talks! Here she is with her ex:

Her outfit suggests “Washington Heights Dominican,” which is wonderful, because now the show has all the colors of the rainbow reprzented. It’s clear after this week’s episode that this saucy Latina really wants Dan back. Does she plan to get between The Poor Kid and his Poor Little Rich Girl Serena Whoser Whatsen?

Hmm. Wait a minute. I’m getting a strong sense of deja vu.

Oh right. The exact same scenario happened in Josh Schwartz’s other pile of caca show The OC, when Ryan’s ex Theresa DIAZ suddenly reappeared in his life, preggers with an abusive boyfriend, whom Ryan saves her from, thus breaking up his improbable but hopelessly romantic Poor Kid/Poor Little Rich Girl relationship with Marissa.

So, to recap. What has DISGRASIAN learned from Gossip Girl thus far in the season? Colored girls are best suited to…shut up and look pretty. And when they don’t–boy, do they fuck things up for everybody.

Source: cwtv.com, aka The Garbage Channel

Filed under: , , , , ,