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AMAZIANS OF THE WEEK! Tibetans The Fastest Evolved Humans EVAR

July 6th, 2010 | 1 comment | Posted by Jen

Okay, first the good news: Tibetans are superhuman!

Tibetan pilgrims–or hipsters?

About 3,000 years ago, when Tibetans split off from the Han Chinese, they developed a unique ability to survive in altitudes above 13,000 feet, where oxygen levels are 40% lower, a genetic change a recent study cites as the fastest ever observed in humans.

Now, for the bad: “For such a very strong change, a lot of people would have had to die simply due to the fact that they had the wrong version of a gene,” said Rasmus Nielsen, a professor of integrative biology at Berkeley who led the statistical analysis.

This may not come as a surprise to anyone nominally aware of Tibetan history, which has been marked by struggle and loss. On that note, today marks the 75th birthday of the Dalai Lama.

Happy birthday, Your Holiness!

[CNN: Tibetan DNA study reveals human evolution]

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Memphis Mayor Fist-Bumps The Dalai Lama And Prevents Not One But Two Epidemics

September 24th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Memphis Mayor Pro Tem Myron Lowery fist-bumped the Dalai Lama Wednesday, when His Holiness was in town to accept an award at the National Civil Rights Museum. According to Lowery, the greeting was pre-approved, and though it was reported that the Dalai Lama had no problem with it, not everyone appreciated the gesture.

So much so that Lowery felt compelled to explain why he gave a pound to the Dalai Lama, over at CNN. Ever since a co-worker came down with the H1N1 virus a few weeks ago, Lowery wrote, hand sanitizer, sleeve-sneezing, and fist-bumping have been his thing.

Unwittingly, by preventing the spread of one epidemic, Lowery also dodged another:

The Prayer Hands Epidemic and a few of its sufferers: Johnny Depp, Wesley Snipes, and Jennifer Garner

And for that, Mayor Lowery, I salute you.

*punches it in*

[CNN: Why I fist-bumped the Dalai Lama]
[DISGRASIAN: What a (Racial) Drag: Buddhist Prayer Hands]
[How to Greet the Dalai Lama]

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Pathwaysians to Self-Righteousness

May 27th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Zhang Ziyi may be happy: One actress made a point at The Cannes Film Festival to discuss her groundbreaking awareness of the earthquake horrors that had just occurred in China. It looks like wacktors and wacktresses know what’s going on the world after all!

Sharon “Not Just Stupid But Crazy” Stone vomited up this pile when asked whether or not she knew that the quake had occurred:

Here’s a transcript, just in case you can’t handle her face and voice at the same time:

“Of course I have. Well you know, it was very interesting because at first I am, you know, not happy about the way the Chinese are treating the Tibetans, because I don’t think anyone should be unkind to anyone else. And so, I have been very concerned about how to think and what to do about that because I don’t like … that.

And then I’ve been, this, you know, concerned about, oh, how should we deal with the Olympics, because they’re not being nice to the Dalai Lama who is a good friend of mine. And then all this earthquake and all this stuff happened, and I thought, is that karma? When you’re not nice that the bad things happen to you?

And then I got a letter from the Tibetan Foundation that they wanted to go and be helpful. And that made me cry.”

My, what incredible insight and mind-boggling influence! Not only is Stone a famous (aka important) actress (aka genius), but she’s tight with the Dalai Lama (aka popular!) and an emotional (aka melodramatic) self-sacrificing philanthropist (aka self-congratulating sad soul that feels the need to justify an empty existence by aligning herself with do-good trends) speaking her mind to the public!

Although, hmm. There’s just something–and I haven’t quite put my finger on what it is–about nonchalantly attributing a natural disaster that has killed tens of thousands and displaced millions of Chinese citizens… to karma. A massive “punishment” unleashed upon innocent citizens as payback for the decisions being made by their ruling Communist government.

I mean, I guess she could’ve just blamed the gays–like Hagee did after Katrina, or Robertson and Falwell did after 9/11. But that would have been outlandish, insensitive, stupid, and wrong!

Huh.

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SPORTS ILLUSTRASIAN: The Power of Prayer Hands

May 8th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

On Monday, the International Olympic Committee expanded upon its protest guidelines (Rule 51.3 of the Olympic charter) governing athletes participating in the Summer Games. Rule 51.3 states:

“No kind of demonstration or political, religious or racial propaganda is permitted in any Olympic sites, venues or other areas.”

The IOC’s addendum elaborated on what qualifies as a protest “demonstration” or “propaganda”:

“…all actions, reactions, attitudes or manifestations of any kind by a person or group of persons, including but not limited to their look, external appearance, clothing, gestures, and written or oral statements.”

In other words, chanting “Free Tibet!” or wearing the Dalai Lama’s Muppet-like mug on a t-shirt will not be permitted. There is, however, a way to circumvent Rule 51.3, if one were so inclined. It’s something that I couldn’t have imagined serving any purpose until now.

International symbol of vague spirituality? Yes.
Annoying Hollywood trend? Affirmative.
Political gesture? Not at first glance.


Who knew that Prayer Hands–pardon the pun–could come in so handy?

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Prayer Hands Are So 2007

December 17th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Speaking of Prayer Hands, the Dalai Lama just completed an 11-day trip to Italy, during which His Holiness met with fellow Nobel peace laureates like Mikhail Gorbachev and Lech Walesa in Rome.

And thus, a new zzZen trend is born…the ill-fitting, foam visor! I expect these to be in every Hollywood goodie bag come “award season” and on the peace-lovin’ noggins of Richard “How Did a Hamster Get Up in” Gere and Sharon “Her Sliverness” Stone in no time.

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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! The Dalai Lama Foundation

November 9th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

We get it: The Dalai Lama is hip. The Dalai Lama is cool. The Dalai Lama is Hollywood.

Don’t get us wrong– We love His Holiness so very much. Hell, we’ve busted China’s chops in his defense.

Our ears perked up when we found out that this week, we could actually buy the official car of the 14th Dalai Lama on eBay, for the minimum bid of $75k. How bitchin’ would that be?!? We imagine that somehow its peaceful vibes could remedy one’s road rage, and probably make that person’s skin look great (this is not confirmed).


So we started digging into our annual Chanel clothing fund and got ready to make a bid. Why not? We’re writers; We could totally benefit from some fresh air and off-roading in a holy vehicle.

And then we looked more closely at The Dalai Lama Foundation’s latest auction: the *bonus* to your buy? A meet-and-greet with this botox-faced wacko:

Er, we’d rather have a date with her facialist. Jen and I have no space in our lives to visit with the woman who pioneered the modern age for an upskirt epidemic, in honor of peace.

Guess we’ll have to stick to raging in the Volvo. Oh well. We enjoy it.

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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! China

October 19th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Dearest China,

What’s up, dude? How’ve you been? It’s been awhile since we last spoke, but rest assured that we’ve been thinking about you constantly and keeping tabs on your ass.

Not to be all up in your grill or anything, but what’s going on with you right now? Are you like, really busy, or preoccupied or whatever? We totally know you’ve got Olympics on the brain, but we feel like in the meantime you seem to be saying some weird shit and slacking on a lot of your really important duties. And if there’s one thing we’ve learned from our years of knowing you intimately, one should never defect on their duties. Right?

For starters, you poo-poo’d all over the decision to award the Dalai Lama the Congressional Gold Medal this week, with Foreign Ministry spokesperson Liu Jianchao saying that it “severly hurt the feelings” of the Chinese people.

Liu continued:

“China urges the United States to take effective measures immediately to remove the terrible impact of its erroneous act, cease supporting and conniving with the separatist activities of the Tibet independence forces … and take concrete steps to protect China-U.S. relations.”

Geez, is that a threat? Dude, the Dalai Lama is our friend. He is the most peaceful bloke we know–we really respect him, and he gives us hope. We understand how complicated your relationship is right now, but please don’t put us in the middle of that–and please just don’t insult our friend. It’s sour and fucked up, it makes us really uncomfortable, and we’re simply not down with that shit.

Moving on, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but some really fucked-up shit has been happening under your nose. Do I need to spell them out for you? Okay, D-A-R-F-U-R and M-Y-A-N-M-A-R. Seriously, where the fuck are you?

“I don’t see nothin’!”


You are really the only country with the power to make any real impact in both of these situations, and we feel like you’re just sitting around with your thumb up your ass, thinking of different ways to make the place pretty for all of next year’s tourists. We don’t give a shih tzu about gold medals, dammit! We are sick and tired of this bullshit–namely genocide, oppression, and conflict!

Pay attention! It’s time for you to step up. If you don’t, it will severely hurt our feelings. We severely urge you to take effective measures in saving yourself from our disgrace, so we can be proud to look you in the eye again one day.

Here’s hopin’,
Diana and Jen

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Finally!

October 18th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Yes, folks. It finally happened. The Dalai Lama came to Washington and…

…after President Bush awarded His Holiness with the Congressional Gold Medal, the highest civilian honor, DISGRASIAN finally witnessed…an appropriate display of Buddhist Prayer Hands!

The only downside? The Chinese government has its panties in a wad over the award’s political implicasians.

Eh, can’t win ‘em all.

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What a (Racial) Drag: Buddhist Prayer Hands

August 23rd, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Here are DISGRASIAN’s rules regarding making Buddhist prayer hands in public. They’re very simple and, in our view, quite generous.

1) If you’re from a culture that actually uses them in greeting, pray away.

Thai tennis sensation Paradorn Srichaphan


2) If you are a martial artist–even the world’s most revoltacious–pray like you’re under siege.

From IMDB: “Steven Seagal is a striking and somewhat boyishly handsome looking (often with ponytail) and usually impeccably dressed action star”–SAYS WHO?!?

3) If your nickname is His Holiness, well, nuff said.


4) If you’re His Holiness’s biggest brown-noser, uh, we mean, follower, we begrudgingly accept your Buddhist prayer hands like we would a gerbil up the ass.

Gerbils and Buddhism Go Together Like Dalai Lama Lama Ka Dinga Da Dinga Dong

5) But if you’re a French actress walking the red carpet in Tokyo, bustin’ with the prayer hands cuz you’re in Asia and you’re trying to convey how spirituel you are…

Marion Cotillard at the Tokyo premiere of La Vie en Rose

…we’ll feel compelled to tell you that a) the Japanese don’t bow that way, and b) we’re praying for you and a speedy recovery from this affliction.

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Congradulasians!

May 10th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

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