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Chinese president Hu Jintao arrived in the U.S. Tuesday for a three day-visit that will also include a White House state dinner, the first dinner of its kind for a Chinese leader in 13 years.
CNN reports that the Chinese media has stated Hu “will stress how a constructive, comprehensive partnership between the powers could be mutually beneficial and help ensure stability in Asia and worldwide, despite differences between Beijing and Washington.”
The American media, meanwhile, is heralding this important visit with…CHINESE FOOD JOKES!
At least ABC News’ Senior White House Correspondent Jake Tapper (@jaketapper) is. As President Hu’s plane arrived, Tapper authored this tweet, which has since been deleted:
Filed under: ABC News Jake Tapper, Bad Puns, Chinese Food Jokes, Hu Jintao Visit, Hu Jintao White House Visit, Jake Tapper, Journalists, Senior White House Correspondent Jake Tapper, The Chinese Are Coming The Chinese Are Coming, Tweets, Twitter, Unpunny Stuff, Won Tons
NEWSFLASH: China is America’s enemy.
Okay, so this is not news exactly. But it’s a meme that’s getting some pop cultural attention this year with the release of two 80′s movie remakes that promote the idea–two of my favorite movies growing up, as it so happens–The Karate Kid, which opens in a week, and Red Dawn, which will debut in November.
The new Karate Kid is set in Beijing, where those oversized, sandy-haired thugs, aka Cobra Kai, have been updated into a gang of oversized, slanty-eyed thugs.
There are good Chinese people to balance out this “I am extremely terrified of Chinese Continue reading DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! The Karate Kid And Red Dawn: Two Movie Remake-Wrongs Don’t Make A Right
Filed under: 80's Movie Remakes, 80's Movies, Bullies, China, China the New Superpower, Chinysteria, Cobra Kai, I Am Extremely Terrified of Chinese People, Jackie Chan, Karate Kid Remake, Red Dawn, Red Dawn Remake, Remakes Always Suck, The Chinese Are Coming The Chinese Are Coming, The Karate Kid, Underdogs, Wolverines, Xenophobia, Yellow Peril
…And they’re bringing over bags of cash to buy up our property, according to the SF Chronicle.
A group of 40 Chinese real estate investors are currently en route from Beijing to California to shop for foreclosed and other “distressed” properties in the Golden State (it’s like “Gold Mountain” finally coming to fruition, 160 years later).
Soon to follow: The Backlash. Fear of a Yellow Planet, Yellow Peril, and Chinysteria, thinly veiling a deeper fear and anxiety about Our Collective American Dick shrinking.
Oh dear. What to do when your pharmaceutical company’s product, a blood thinner named heparin, is linked to dozen of American deaths?
No! It’s much easier than that. BLAME CHINA. And make sure you tell everyone that the Chinese did it ON PURPOSE, cuz everybody knows they’re trying to git us and it’s totally freaky!
Check it out! Baxter CEO Robert Parkinson knows how to do it:
“We’re alarmed that one of our products was used in what appears to have been a deliberate scheme to adulterate a life-saving medication, and that people have suffered as a result,” Baxter chief executive Robert Parkinson told a US Congress panel.
That’s the way, Parkinson! Keep the focus off of Baxter. It’s the only way to save your asian, I mean ass.
An announcement that China will be increasing its defense budget by (jaw drop) 18% this year has swept through the world at a dizzying pace. The United States, in particular, seems tense: What does it mean? Are the Chinese after us? Where are the bombs!!?!?!?
People are fa-reaked!
Fortunately, I know to stay calm. I’m just going to sit back in my Hummer, put on some John Cougar, and relax–knowing that when the Chinese wildly jack up their defense line to a whopping $58 billion, they don’t have a puny prayer against America’s $696 BILLION defense budget for 2008.
He he he, AMERICA RULES!!!
Filed under: Billions of Dollars, Bullies, Chinysteria, Defense Budgets, The Art of War Is So Played, The Chinese Are Coming The Chinese Are Coming, We're Big and Strong Right?, WooHoo Let's Spend More On Bombs
Not only because it is home to my grandmother and my adorable cousins, and the most delicious soup dumplings in North America (Din Tai Fung in Markham, outside Toronto), but also because there are still RATIONAL PEOPLE there, like Professors Hari Bapuji and Paul Beamish, of the University of Manitoba and the University of Western Ontario, respectively. These two business academics are publishing a report that has found “(m)ost of the recalls of toys made in China are because of design errors, not manufacturing problems.” Their data is collected from U.S. recalls of Chinese-made toys from 1988 to the present.
The report points out that when Mattel recalled 20 million toys this past August, 80 per cent of the toys were pulled were because they contained small magnets, which is a design flaw. But Bapuji says all of the media focus has been on the lead paint issue. He says Canadian consumers should instead be demanding better of their toy makers.
It’s incredibly unseemly to toot one’s own horn, but we did write about EXACTLY THIS a month ago in “When in Doubt, Blame China.” And we have a new word for this xenophobic alarmism…CHINYSTERIA.
Meanwhile, Chinysteria continues to take over news headlines. The AFP published this one a few days ago:
“French government falls prey to cyber-attacks ‘involving China’”
And the Times (London) published this one:
“China’s cyber army is preparing to march on America, says Pentagon”
Because it’s the sixth anniversary of September 11th, everyone’s talking about Bin Laden and his new piece-of-shit video. I have to admit, Chinysteria scares me more than Osama. This is the new Cold War, folks. Hope everyone remembers how to duck and cover.