You are currently browsing posts tagged with The Blame Game

Fart And Run

October 13th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

BuzzFeed’s Peggy Wang just posted this amusing YouTube gem from a Japanese game show, which “details” how to escape the path of a flyin’ free fart:

…but geesh, isn’t that a whole lot of work? Isn’t it always easiest to create a diversion, wait for someone to call the stink out, point at that person with horror and yelp, “Whoever smelt it, dealt it!” and then laugh hysterically at them until they start crying?

I mean, not that I know.

[BuzzFeed: How To Escape A Fart]

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Ketsana/Ondoy: Let America Guide The Way

September 28th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

The death toll of the Philippines’ Tropical Storm Ketsana (referred to in The Philippines as “Ondoy”) has reached 144, and is not done growing.

A few images of the devastation and panic caused by rapid flooding:




The country, described by AP this week as “doomed by geography and hobbled by poverty,” saw a rise in anger as stranded and suffering residents saw little or no quick aid from the government.

Dr. Prisco Nilo, chief of the PAGASA (Philippine Atmospheric, Geophysical, and Astronomical Services Administration) who briefed the National Disaster Coordinating Council on the disastrous events, took an opportunity during an interview with the Philippine Daily Inquirer to blame the residents: “Instead of just watching the soap operas on TV, they should also watch the news,” he said.

But the government–particularly its leader, President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo–pointed elsewhere, noting that the Philippine government’s response and public cry for International help was “quick” …compared to the response of the United States to Hurricane Katrina (and despite more than 7 additional inches of rain).

The mighty United States–not known, by and large, to be crippled by location or poverty–clearly pondered this statement, looked up to the sky, twiddled its thumbs and began to whistle nonchalantly.

[Times UK: Hundreds Featred Dead As Tropical Storm Ketsana Lashes Manila With Month's Rain In A Day]
[ABC News: Anger As Philippines Flood Death Toll Rises]

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Asia Suddenly Responsible for Swine Flu, But No One Knows How Exactly

June 24th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

U.S. agriculture officials announced recently that, contrary to previous reports, they now believe swine flu originated in Asia, not Mexico.


Wonder how they came to that conclusion? The NY Times reports:

(Federal agriculture officials) emphasized that there was no way to prove their theory and only sketchy data underpinning it.

The first person to carry the flu to North America from Asia, assuming that is what happened, has never been found and never will be, because people stop carrying the virus when they get better.

No proof? Sketchy data? Making an ass out of u and me? Now that’s what I call science!

[NY Times: In New Theory, Swine Flu Started in Asia, Not Mexico]

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Thanks, Jasmine!

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Hardass American People

January 21st, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


Dudes! NEVER, EVER, EVER trip over your words during the Presidential Oath of Office!




The American Peeps are apparently as forgiving of human error as my parents. Perhaps I like us more than I think!!!

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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Blaming the Black Voter

November 7th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

If you couldn’t tell by now, we love math. Much to the disappointment of our fathers, who are both men of science and can do all sorts of tricky calculasians in their heads with one hand tied behind their backs while chewing gum, walking, and humming “Ode to Joy” at the same time, we chose paths in life where we don’t use a whole lot of it day to day. We’ve tried over the years to convince our dads that our silly Americanized ways of doing things are not so different from their own; that, say, there was empirical logic in the study of lit theory (admittedly a hard sell)–and therefore, it was not a total waste of their tuition money–or that, even though we sucked at AP calculus, we could still balance our checkbooks and manage our money, because, hey, a zero in your bank account is as absolute as it is on the Kelvin temperature scale.

But we always return to math in one way or another, whether it’s calculating how many electoral votes we needed to clinch for an Obama victory or figuring out the number of notes we needed to hit to finally slay “Free Bird” on GH2 on Expert (which we did, by the way). Because math, like our Hardass Asian Fathers, is reliable. And it is honest–hence the phrase, “The numbers don’t lie.”

Of course, sometimes the interpretation of the numbers do. We got to thinking about that in the wake–and we mean that in the funereal sense–of the passage of Proposition 8, the gay marriage ban. Earlier in the week, we posted the CNN exit poll on how people voted, by race, on Prop 8. The number that jumps out at you is the 70% of African-American voters who supported the ban. There’s been a lot of grumbling on the internet about how the passage of Prop 8 is the fault of black voters, with an implicit (and sometimes not-so-implicit) How dare They, especially since we elected one of Them.

Feels good, doesn’t it? To fall back on good ol’ fashioned finger-pointing, especially in this slouching-towards-postracial-Bethlehem we find ourselves in, this era of hope and change. At least we can still scapegoat groups of people! African-Americans, in particular, because they got theirs, right?

But this, as my father would say, is unscientific. And when my dad, a physics professor who’s taught at a black college for the last 25 years, says something is “unscientific,” that’s a politic way of him saying: THIS IS TOTAL BULLSHIT. So, sure, you could look at this exit poll…


…and say, since the margin between for and against came down to 500,000 votes out of 10 million, If only we had gotten 100% of the African-American vote against 8, we would have had this in the bag. How dare They. But what if we had gotten 100% of the Asian and “Other” vote against Prop 8, which would have been an increase of 450,000 votes, and, like, 1% percent more of the white vote? What if we had gotten 75% of the Latino vote, instead of 47%? Or what if we had gotten 59% of the white vote against Prop 8 instead of 51%, the most achievable statistical increase? What if we didn’t put the outcome of gay marriage all on one group, and if we had gotten 6.5% more of the white vote (+409,500), 3% more of the Latino vote (+54,000), 2% more of the black vote (+20,000), and 2% more of the Asian and Other vote (+18,000)? Or any combination therein?

Answer: gay marriage would be legal today in California.

If we’ve learned one thing from this election, it’s that we all have to work together. It wasn’t black voters alone who got a black President elected. It was black, white, Latino, Asian, mixed, working together. And it’s not black voters alone who passed the gay marriage ban, either. We all did–a percentage of us here, a percentage of us there. That’s the truth that these exit poll numbers tell us: we failed. All of us. Together.

The shame that we feel today is only directed at our collective failure, which we need to figure out how to rectify. All of us. Together. Diana and I also feel quite a bit of shame over the fact that we couldn’t crunch all those numbers in our head and had to use a calculator (and made a few miscalculasians along the way), and now we have a raging headache from doing all of this math…but that’s just us. Sorry, Dads!

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When in Doubt, Blame China

August 14th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

The AP reported yesterday that Zhang Shuhong, head of the Chinese toy manufacturing company Lee Der, committed suicide after Mattel Inc. issued a recall of nearly one million toys made by Zhang’s company. Mattel, the world’s biggest toy company, recalled the toys because paint used to make them was found to carry “excessive amounts of lead.”

Today, every paper in the free world reported on another Mattel recall. I braced myself for some serious Made-In-China hateration when I read these headlines:

“Mattel Issues New Recall of Chinese Toys” (The New York Times)
“Mattel Recalls More Chinese-Made Toys” (Forbes)
“Mattel Expands Toy Recall: Latest Incident From China Involves Cars, Magnet Toys” (The Wall Street Journal)

Reports were conflicting, but Mattel apparently recalled somewhere between 253,000 to 436,000 toy cars made in China due to their lead content. Bad news, right?

I knew it. The Chinese are evil.

HOWEVER, Mattel also recalled 18.2 million Polly Pocket dolls and Batman action figures. Why?

Because they are tainted with lead. Because they are made in China. Because the Chinese secretly want to take over our country, eat our dogs, force us to speak ching-chong, rape our women with their tiny penises and then kill us.

No. Because they contain magnets.

Lead, magnets, what’s the difference? Those shifty Chinese have devised a trillion ways to kill us.

Wrong.

“…Mattel officials said the problems with the magnets were the result of a design flaw, not faulty manufacturing.”

This important fact is only reported on in the third paragraph of The Washington Post story and the fifth in the New York Times, and it is not mentioned at all in the Wall Street Journal or the AP and Reuters releases.

Now let’s just crunch the numbers for a second. According to my abacus, a liberal estimate of the number of Mattel toys tainted with lead because of a manufacturing problem in China is…1.4 million. The estimate of Mattel toys recalled because of a design problem that really has nothing to do with China is…18.2 million.

So the Mattel design problem that has nothing to do with China is almost 13 times greater than the Mattel lead paint problem from China.

What does this mean?

Numbers hurt my head. All I know is China is bad. I don’t really care about the facts.

Xenophobia is alive and kicking. Yellow Peril is back.

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Ooh, I Wish It Would Rain Down On Me

July 5th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Pictured below is Korean superpopstar Rain, not performing at the Staples center to a screaming crowd of thousands this past weekend:

Today’s forecast: Mostly Sunny

According to the LA Times, Rain’s much anticipated performance was cancelled just an hour and a half before the show was to begin, disappointing hordes of fans–many who had flown from across the globe. Obviously a huge number of Angelinos were deeply disappointed, including two girls named Jen and Diana that you may know pretty well:

“No Rain tonight? Why, WHY? WHY??” – Jen and Diana (holding back the tears)
…so what was the deal? While some guessed low ticket sales, the LA Times reported that Rain was quick to point the finger at the event’s promoters:

The missed concert — for which 77% of available tickets were sold, according to Ticketmaster — could push back his efforts to establish his pop stardom in America by as much as two years.

“The local promoter didn’t set up everything,” Rain, whose real name is Jung Ji-Hoon, said through an interpreter Sunday. “When I came to the venue, the LED screen couldn’t be set up. I have rain falling in the concert — that couldn’t work. The stage wasn’t set up, there were no lights, no sound. I wanted to do a great show. But yesterday, I couldn’t get on stage.”

V2B’s Chief Executive Andy Kim, however, tells a very different story, insisting the tour’s original promoter, StarM, pulled the plug on the show after discovering the production would not be able to use Rain’s massive Korean-made LED screen — a central component of his stage show — because it didn’t conform to American electrical standards.

Oh, Rain. Jen and I understand what it’s like to not get what you want, exactly like you want it. And so, we have a few things for you.

This is a gift from me:

And here’s Jen, playing the world’s smallest violin:

Feel better, dude! See you never!!!

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Oh Tilly, So Silly

May 21st, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

In today’s Page Six (it must have been a slow news day):


Dear Jennifer,

Wait, when exactly were your fans more intellectual? Was it after the 1987 classic Remote Control (IMDB plot summary: A video store clerk stumbles onto an alien plot to take over earth by brainwashing people with a bad ’50s science fiction movie. He and his friends race to stop the aliens before the tapes can be distributed world-wide) or 1998′s Relax… It’s Just Sex?

Don’t get me wrong, they’re all great. Just trying to figure out exactly when. I, too, often find that when one’s quasi-nonexistent career tanks to abysmal lows (save for the occasional televised poker game), there’s always someone else to blame. Also, Chucky wasn’t that scary in Bride of Chucky.

Please let me know!

Thanks,
Diana

P.S. I dug up this really adorable photo of you cupping your breasts.

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How Now Brown Couch Slur

April 20th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

AP reported this story yesterday about a Toronto woman who was horrified to discover that her new couch bore a label with a racial slur on it:

“TORONTO, Ontario (AP) — Doris Moore was shocked when her new couch was delivered to her Toronto home with a label that used a racial slur to describe the dark brown shade of the upholstery.

The situation waseven more alarming for Moore because it was her 7-year-old daughter who pointed out ‘nigger brown’ on the tag.”

The blame game was played all the way down the line to a Kingsoft, Inc., a Chinese software company, whose translating program exchanges the N-word for the phrase “dark brown.” The spokesperson for Kingsoft claims they got the definition from an outdated Chinese-English dictionary.

Hmm.

My turn to play the blame game:


DISGRASIAN #1: Vanaik Furniture, where Moore bought the sofa, who told AP that the dark brown couches have been a “best seller.”

DISGRASIAN #2: Kingsoft Corp. “I know this is a very bad word,” Huang Luoyi, a product manager for the Beijing-based company’s translation software, told The Associated Press in a telephone interview.

DISGRASIAN #3: Paul Kumar of Cosmos Furniture in Toronto, who denied responsibility and wouldn’t tell the name of the couch’s Chinese manufacturer. “It’s not my fault. It’s not the manufacturers’ fault,” he said, adding that Kingsoft was to blame.

DISGRASIAN #4: That damn outdated Chinese-English Dictionary. I shouldn’t have to say why, but here’s a hint: “DARK BROWN translates to…”


and lastly,


DISGRASIAN #5: America. The word never had to belong to any lexicon. But it does to ours.

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