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Even The Dry Cleaner Tried To Blame Yoko For Their Problems

October 28th, 2010 | 2 comments | Posted by Jen

Um, yeah, so…there’s really nothing that isn’t awesome about this letter John Lennon wrote to his laundry service in the 70′s:

Things that I reallyreally love about it:

  1. For once, the cleaners being yelled at aren’t Asian.
  2. The cleaners are being yelled at BY A BEATLE.
  3. Learning something new about Yoko, i.e. that she doesn’t sweat.
  4. The line “(MOST ORIENTALS DO NOT SWEAT LIKE US),” which I also interpret to mean “Most Orientals Do Not Smell Like Us,” which is true (read this if you don’t believe me).
  5. Continue reading Even The Dry Cleaner Tried To Blame Yoko For Their Problems

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Leave Yoko Alono

April 25th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

As I’ve said before, I have a soft spot for Yoko Ono. I really can’t explain why. Part of it is reflexive–because she’s historically painted as a woman getting in the way of men’s genius, I kinda can’t help but root for her. Also, does anyone really still care if she broke up the Beatles? A) It was probably was a little more complicated than that. B) So fuckin’ what? It happened forty years ago. C) Has anyone listened to the entire Beatles catalog lately? It’s pretty complete. What? You wanted a disco record, too?

Sure, girlfriend is fiercely protective of John’s estate, but she was married to A. BEATLE. That’s how Beatles do. Should Yoko be handing out that shit for free? How is it shocking that she might be motivated by profit? What rock stars aren’t (if you’re thinking Radiohead, think again)? The difference is, she married one, he’s dead, and people are pissed because they don’t like the idea of a woman holding the strings to a very large money-purse. Then it’s either, how dare she license his image/work for this? Or how dare she withhold his image/work for that? Either way, she’s made into this venal, money- and pleasure-hording harpy. Yawn, I’m bored.

The latest news on Yoko only stirred up more of the same. “Imagine” was used recently in Expelled, a documentary disputing evolution. So everyone jumped at the chance to vilify Yoko once again as a money-grubbing sellout to creationist idiots until they realized that, oops, she didn’t actually license the song.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for cracking on Yoko. She, like Bai and Kimora, is endless fodder. Her bizarre millinery choices alone are enough to keep DISGRASIAN going. And just because I feel for her, doesn’t mean I’m not creeped out by, say, her making John into an action figure. But we gotta find something new to say about her. That other shit is so played.

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A Pang in Someone’s Ass

March 12th, 2008 | 1 comment | Posted by Jen

Last night, May Pang, who had a relationship with John Lennon while he was married to Yoko, held a launch party for her new book, “Instamatic Karma: Photographs of John Lennon,” which documents her 18 months with the former Beatle. John’s first wife, Christine Lennon, showed up to lend her support…but somebody else was conspicuously absent.


CHRISTINE: Dude. Yoko is going to be pissed.

MAY: Soooo pissed.

CHRISTINE: Teehee!

MAY: Teehee!

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ROCK OF ASIAN JR.

February 20th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

The Beatles are big on my mom’s side of the family. I have one uncle who definitely believes he is the Vietnamese incarnation of John Lennon, who named his first daughter Michelle about ten years before she was born, and rocks out tracks from Rubber Soul on an electric piano every time we get together for holidays. He’s got both a son and daughter, both of whom are pretty weird and rad, but noticeably not musically inclined (or Beatlemaniacs for that matter).

I try not to bring that little factoid up, because unlike most of my relatives I think he’s actually a little disappointed that his kids will probably end up in medical school instead of playing the guitar too high up on their chests on top of the Capitol Records building. And I am DEFINITELY not going to send him this video…

…of a ridiculously cutey cute cuterson Amazian Jr. who isn’t even out of diapers but can rattle off a baby version of “Hey Jude” faster than you can say “Hokey Pokey.” I swear, if anyone sends this to my uncle, he’ll try to return his kids for a refund. So don’t!

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Thanks, Pete!

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BABEWATCH: Jake Shimabukuro

February 19th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen


Name: Jake Shimabukuro

Hails from: Honolulu, Hawaii

Occupation: Ukulele Stud

Why He’s a Babe: Because it takes a real man to play such a tiny instrument. Because ukuleles are cool and virtuosos are hot. And because what lady can’t resist a dude with “lightning-fast fingers”?

Watch Shimabukuro’s gorgeous interpretasian of “In My Life”:

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Ono You Di’int!

November 13th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Never one to stay in the world’s (or our) good graces for long, Yoko Ono has managed to bastardize yet another one of John Lennon’s creations.

Fox News’s Roger Friedman has confirmed that Ono herself sold a previously unreleased home recording of “Real Love” to JC Penney for a commercial that began airing last weekend.

Oh no, Yoko. Crazy faces and “screaming as art” we can forgive, but pimping out Beatles’ tracks to a cotton palace that hawks the designs of Jessica Simpson, we cannot. Shape up, or we’ll go Helter Skelter on your ass, ‘naw mean?

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Across the Universasian

September 19th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

I was just having a conversation last night with friends about whether or not we wanted to see Across the Universe, Julie Taymor’s new flick with the bitchin’ Beatles soundtrack, which opens wide this weekend. On the one hand, you get to listen to Beatles music for two hours…probably a magical experience and hard to fuck up. But on the other, the trailer, while visually enticing, was totally confusing, and I have a pet peeve about watching people paint and scratch out drawings on the big screen; to me, that’s like watching people check their email.

But, today, one of our dear readers Liz sent me this Across the Universe clip of “I Wanna Hold Your Hand,” sung by newcomer T.V. Carpio, whose mother Teresa is a legendary Hong Kong performer.



Which sold me on the movie. I love T.V.’s plaintive version of the time-worn song, and homegirl’s smokin’ hot with a cool mole on her upper lip…which means this might be the last time you find her on the sideline bleachers.

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Idol Gives (Itself a Pat On the) Back

April 25th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Here’s a clip of Blight Lewis’ lifeless rendition of John Lennon’s “Imagine” on last night’s American Idol: Idol Gives Back:

“Imagine all the Beebowl”

I was inspired after Blight’s performance to write a letter to Yoko. Now, unlike most people, I actually like Yoko. Did she break up the Beatles? Perhaps, but so what if she did? That means she’s clearly more compelling than Paul McCartney, an idea that I find entirely plausible (might I add, I’m also with Heather Mills, that little gold-digging, Cockney-accented peg leg.)

And John could have never written “John Lennon/Plastic Ono Band” without Yoko and her scream-therapy style of musicianship, so I thank you, Ono, because it is my favorite weep-fest record of all time.

I’m well aware that the Yokster has a whole history of controlling John’s estate (Diana pointed this out last month), but if she’s letting Blight Lewis phone in “Imagine” on American Idol, I’d say her grip isn’t tight enough. Let’s get on with the letter, shall we?


Dear Yoko,

Imagine there’s a no-talent white guy. It’s easy if you try. He’s like hell before us. Above us, a blackened sky. Imagine all the people. Whose ears wouldn’t be bleeding today-ay-ay. You may say that I’m a dreamer. But I’m not the only one. I hope someday you’ll join us. And the world will live as one.

Power to the People,
Jen

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Yoko Cares

March 9th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


As you may have heard, in yet another display of her mighty swing, Yoko Ono has successfully put the indefinite kibosh on the world premiere of Three Days In the Life–a verite documentary on John Lennon shot two months before the breakup of the Beatles.

Reports on the film include John commenting on his lady love: “As usual, she doesn’t know what we’re talking about,” and “She was an old hag before I met her.” Oh John, how we jest!

As if a lifetime of good works, peaceful dealings and world betterment aren’t enough, Yoko continues to give and give and give–watching like a hawk over Lennon’s image (unless of course, she’s given a chunk off the backend), making sure the world’s wounds of losing history’s greatest band to the neuroses of a Japanese stalker are still properly salted thirty-seven years after the fact, and singlehandedly keeping the legal industry on the up and up.

Somebody give this woman a stamp already!

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