DISGRASIAN™

BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN! Matt Sharp

Happy 41st birthday (yesterday) to my friend and bespectacled Wonder Twin Matt Sharp, frontman of the most spectacular band ever to rock a Moog. Many folks don’t know that the Virginian Rentals founder and former Weezer bassist was actually born in Thailand, which is perhaps where he picked up his jungle Asian ‘tude and Hardass Asian anal retentiveness.





After many years of hibernasian, Sharp and Co. recently released Songs About Time!!, an epic audio/visual compendium that includes 42 fresh tracks and 52 black-and-white short films (directed by the brilliant David Leamy) that were documented and released weekly in real-time over the course of one recording year. Well, it’s about time.

Peep Songs About Time!! here. Wish Matt a happy day (and tell him he owes me a bass lesson) here.

[The Rentals - Official Site]

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Filed under: Actual Asians, Audio/Visual, Birthdays, David Leamy, Frontment, Honorasians, Jungle Asians, Matt Sharp, Moog, Songs About Time, Thailand, Thais, The Rentals, Weezer

BABEWATCH: Haruna Ai

Name: Haruna Ai

Age: 37

Hails from: Japan

Why She’s A Babe: Over the weekend, the lovely Miss Haruna Ai was crowned winner at the famed transsexual Miss International Queen 2009 pageant in Thailand.

As if those pretty eyes, the perfect skin, that hourglass shape and supple lips weren’t enough, it seems pretty clear that the newly-crowned Miss International Queen is also quite lovely on the inside:

“I want contests like this to show everyone that they should love each other and live freely,” she told reporters after the win.

We hope for the same. Also, homegirl is glowing like a teen at 37–an inspirasian to us all. Go, sister!!!

[AFP: Transsexual Miss World Contest Aims To Boost Awareness]

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Filed under: Awesomeness, Beautiful Ladies, Beauty Pageants, Beauty Queens, Everybody Loves a Winner, Haruna Ai, Japan, Miss International Queen 2009, Our Thirties Look GOOD, Thailand, Transsexuals

Shake a New Leg!

Congratulasians go out to Motola, a Thai elephant who just took her first steps on a brand-new, permanent prosthetic leg!

Sadly, part of Motola’s leg and foot were taken in 1999 by a land mine, which exploded at a logging area near the Myanmar border where she was then working. Ten years later, through the efforts of the group, Friends of the Asian Elephant (Motola’s actual new leg was made by Human amputee organization the Prostheses Foundation), the 48-year-old girl is happy and walking again.

We try not to let it happen too often, but this story really warms our stone-cold hearts.

Oh man, it feels so weird.

[NPR: Thai Elephant Takes 1st Steps with Artificial Leg]

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Filed under: Animals, Awesome Gifts, Elephant Love, Friends of the Asian Elephant, Heart Warmth, Land Mines, Myanmar, Prosthetics, Sad Stories, Thailand, the Prostheses Foundation

David Carradine Killed by Secret Martial Arts Society?

Okay, so the story surrounding David Carradine’s death just got weirder. Last Friday, attorney Mark Geragos, who was hired by the Carradine family, implied on Larry King Live that Carradine may have been killed because he was “investigating…secret (martial arts) societies.”

And who knows? Maybe Carradine getting killed by a secret kung-fu sect is true. Maybe it’s another case of Geragos saying shocking things about one of his clients, like when he called Michael Jackson “a wonderful father.” Maybe this theory sounds strangely like the plot summary of The Last Sect (2006), a Carradine flick that wasn’t actually martial arts-related:

The picture unfolds at a point when the last vampire sect of the title sits perched on the rim of utter extinction, with no fresh blood in sight. An apocalyptic battle between the clan’s sexy leader, Anna (Odell), and Van Helsing (Carradine), an ace vampire hunter, has rolled on for centuries. Now, when threatened with the possibility of wasting away, Anna and her cronies begin to come out of hiding by setting up a vampiric dating website that will lure in unassuming young men and women. The site immediately attracts a rabid following; suspicious and somewhat skeptical news reporter Sydney (Madison-Brown) launches her own investigation, unaware that she is being set up as a target for the bloodsuckers. Mesmerized by Anna’s hypnotic power, Sydney loses all traces of her own free will and becomes something of a puppet for the vamp. Carradine races in to save her and slay Anna — but time is running out.

Or maybe this is a case of oversharing on Geragos’s part that totally undermines an otherwise legitimate claim that there may have been foul play involved in Carradine’s death.

Just a “theory.”

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Thanks, Jasmine!

Filed under: Conspiracy Theories, David Carradine, David Carradine Death Foul Play, David Carradine Killed by Secret Martial Arts Society, Larry King, Mark Geragos, RIP, Some People Need Muzzles, Thailand

And Speaking of Appetite Suppressants…

My friend Chris, a brilliant comfort food chef (he once served a magnificent nine dinner courses of bacon–a life-changing, so-worth-it event that my arteries may never forgive me for) told me about a very special bread chef from Thailand this morning.

I was so intrigued by the gastronomic innovasian that I wrote a poem to describe my reaction:

This Thailand Bread
Looks like people so dead
Mostly cabezas,
A treat that does faze us

Is that a heart?
Baker says that it’s art
But I’d rather see canvas
Than floured forearms and bare ass

It’s awfully gruesome
Like friendship with Gavin Newsom,
Like chlamydia prick
The scene makes me sick

Still, the baker, he sifts
Making these unique gifts
So that folks that bring bread
Can give wonderful head.

Here’s what I’m talkin’ about, Willis:

Uh, yuck. I’m so un-hungry now I could be an aspiring model. Jesus.

[via Inventor Spot]

Thank you x2, Chris!!

Filed under: Artists, Bacon, Bad Poetry, Baking, Carbs, Chefs, Comfort Food, Diets, Gavin Newsom, Gross, Head Bread, Organs, Thailand, Weird Thai Behavior

When Ponchos Collide

BUSH: This nacho is pretty damn comfortable. I might need a coupla these for hangin’ round the house.

WONGSAWAT: I believe they’re called “ponchos.”

BUSH: Heh heh. Lemme tell you somethin’, Mr. Pad Thai. There are few things I know in life, but I swear on my Daddy’s grave, this thingmajig is a nacho.

WONGSAWAT: Your father is still alive.

BUSH: But he’s old, man! And since he stopped being president, he’s almost as good as dead.

WONGSAWAT: Do you worry that people will say the same for you?

BUSH: No way! We’re totally different. I served two terms, he served one. People love me. They just made a major motion picture about my life. Do you have movies in your country, Massaman Curry?

WONGSAWAT: Would you mind not addressing me like that?

BUSH: Whatever you say, Chicken Satay.

WONGSAWAT: Did you not hear a word I said?

BUSH: Aw c’mon! I couldn’t resist. It rhymed. You gotta admit it was pretty funny.

WONGSAWAT: Somebody take the fucking picture.

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Filed under: Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation (APEC), George W. Bush, Lame Ducks, Nachos, Pad Thai, Peru, Ponchos, Somchai Wongsawat, Thai Food, Thailand

Thailand Says No to Castrasian

Speaking of gender benders, Reuters reported today that Thailand has banned castration because many aspiring-ladyboys are resorting to it for a cheap, quickie sex change instead of the standard operation that requires “rigorous physical and mental evaluation of the patient.” The photo accompanying the story was of this Thai ladyboy band (the only kind of boy band worth tolerating, in my opinion):

Which really made me regret letting my gym membership lapse and having that pizza for breakfast.

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Thanks, Jasmine!

Filed under: Castrasian, Gender Benders, Ladyboys, S/he's Got Legs S/he Knows How to Use Them, Seething With Jealousy, Sex Change Operasians, Thailand

It’s A Shame, Shame, Shame

Bangkok officials have found a new way to reprimand rule-breaking policemen: SHAME.

Bad boys, bad boys are now required to wear Hello Kitty armbands around the office as punishment for wrongdoing.

The Associated Press reports:

Police officers caught littering, parking in a prohibited area, or arriving late — among other misdemeanors — will be forced to stay in the division office and wear the armband all day, said Police Col. Pongpat Chayaphan. The officers won’t wear the armband in public.

The striking armband features Hello Kitty sitting atop two hearts.

“Simple warnings no longer work. This new twist is expected to make them feel guilt and shame and prevent them from repeating the offense, no matter how minor,” said Pongpat, acting chief of the Crime Suppression Division in Bangkok.

Giiirrrlll… sign me up for the Thai Police Academy!!! I WANT THAT ARMBAND!!!!

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Filed under: Asians and Their Unholy Obsession with Shame, Hello Kitty, Minor Offenses, Pieces of Flair, Police Garb, Thailand, Where Do I Sign Up?

Disgrambo

The bad news about forthcoming Rambo 4, which is set in Thailand and Burma, is that it appears from this trailer there are no actual Thai or Burmese characters in the quadru-quel.

The good news? All of the speechless, gruntin’, rapin’, torturin’, genocidin’ yellow extras in the movie get their asses blasted to bits!

An inventory of the ways Rambo can kill the yellow man:

1) beheading
2) blowing up his head like a melon with a heavy machine gun at close range
3) manually ripping out his throat
4) evisceration!

This is a family movie if I ever saw one!

“Wun yer pussed, kiing is easy uz breezing”

Filed under: Burma, Evisceration Looks Awesome, Hacks, Pointless Sequels, Speech Impediments, Sylvester Stallone, Thailand, What Year Is It?