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AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Li Na

January 25th, 2011 | 4 comments | Posted by Diana




Name: Li Na

Age: 29

Hails from: Wuhan, Hubei, China

Occupation: Pro Tennis Player

Known for: Coached by her husband, inspired by her late father, and supported by a mother too nervous to watch her matches, Li is a tennis player whose game is focused on family. And the blood, sweat and tears have paid off–Li is currently 10-for-10 in her matches this year.

Entering the Australian Open as 9th seed, Li has made an impressive show so far–besting Sofia Arvidsson (Sweden), Evgeniya Rodina (Russia), Barbora Zahlavova Strycova (Czech Rep.), Victoria Azarenka (Belarus) and Andrea Petkovic (Germany). She will now face top-seeded Caroline Wozniaki (Denmark) in her second-ever Australian Open semi-finals, keeping hopes high that she will bring home the first-ever Grand Slam singles tennis title to Asia.

That should make her family proud.

[Yahoo! Sports: China's Li Na Raises Asian Slam Hopes]

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Thanks, Maris!

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Serena Williams Wants To Hug It Out

September 16th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

When Serena Williams apologized Monday to the lines judge whose “fucking throat” she wanted to shove a “fucking ball” down after the judge called Serena on a foot-fault in her U.S. Open semifinal against Kim Clijsters, she went so far as to say, “I would like to give (the lines judge) a big ol’ hug.”


To which the lines judge replied, “Uh, er, um…know what? I’m good. I’m not what you’d call a big hugger anyway.” *runs away*

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BABEWATCH: Kimiko Date Krumm

June 30th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Name: Kimiko Date (pronounced Dah-tay) Krumm

Age: 38

Hails from: Japan

Occupation: Professional tennis player

Why She’s a Babe: Because Kimiko came out of a 12-year retirement from tennis last year to compete again professionally. And at 38 years old, she’s typically playing opponents half her age. At 5’4″, 117 lbs.–of compact, tightly-ripped muscle–she’s also taking on players who are way bigger and faster than they were back in her day. That takes–no pun intended–balls. And ballsy play–even when you lose in the first round of Wimbledon–is hot.

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Thanks, Michael!

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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Huan Hsu of Slate

July 25th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Huan Hsu’s dense dissection of his disaffection for International Tennis Hall of Fame inductee Michael Chang in Slate magazine resulted in mixed reader reactions this week. Some found him a pathetic self-loather, others believed he was proudly daring to be different. Or maybe he was just a contrarian writing for Slate, trying to rack up page views by being “the one Asian guy on earth willing to hate Michael Chang.” Wooo fucking hoo!

We found his piece to be… sad.

Now, we don’t fault Hsu for loving Edberg and Sampras more than Chang, or for salting his own childhood tennis game to get people to stop comparing him to the champion of Prince. We’re even a bit fascinated by Hsu’s dwelling on Chang’s physicality, his preoccupasian with male body inferiority (especially because we can’t find a picture of the tough-guy writer anywhere online).

And while his accusasians that Chang–by virtue of being a studious, determined, straight-laced player, somehow perpetuated negative Asian stereotypes–confuses us, we are even more boggled by how determined Hsu is that those qualities are intrinsically bad. Outlasting a tennis opponent with endurance is bad. Getting a degree after retiring is bad. What else is bad, then, we wonder: Valedictorian caps? High-paying jobs? Gold medals? Nice cars? Rice?

All we know is that for someone with such a steel opposition against stereotypical values, he sure does a bang-up job of showing his Hardass Asian True Colors: Hsu spends the latter half of the piece insisting that although Chang was once a prodigious champion, he wasn’t really champion enough or for long enough. And he didn’t bang a hot enough woman at the end of it all to convince Hsu that he too could get some sweet, Anglo poonanie (we’re not so sure he will) one day.

Jeez. Our parents have challenged us on some similar points before (“You used to be a genius” more so than “You should be getting laid), but um, we think it may have actually sounded a bit nicer. A lot, actually.

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Thanks, Aunt Gertrude!

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AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Zheng Jie

July 7th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen


Name: Zheng Jie

Hails from: China

Occupation: Tennis player

Known for: At this year’s Wimbledon, beating number one-ranked player Ana Ivanovic in a straight-set upset as a wild card-entry (24 year-old Zheng was ranked 133 in the world); becoming the only wild card in the Open era and the only Chinese woman to ever reach the semifinals (where she lost to Serena Williams); winning the 2006 Wimbledon doubles title, dazzling crowds with her gorgeous backhand, reprzenting the little people (at 5’4″) in a sport of Amazons, saving face for Chinese tennis.

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Thanks, Dajaja and Ken!

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The Most Fans of Sharapova’s Crotch Can Hope for Now Is Some Rockin’ Camel Toe

June 25th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Maria Sharapova announced this week that, instead of wearing a tennis dress at Wimbledon, she would be debuting a Nike-designed “tuxedo” that consists of a jacket, pants, some weird dickey top that reminds me of something I used to wear in the high school marching band, and SHORTS.


Upon hearing the tragic sartorial news, fans of Maria Sharapova’s Crotch wept.

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AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Kei Nishikori

April 28th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


Name: Kei Nishikori

Occupation: Professional Tennis Player

Known for: At 18, surprising number-one seed James Blake to win February’s Delray Beach International, thus becoming the first Japanese man in 16 years to win an ATP event. And in yesterday’s XL Bermuda final, he worked Serbian champ Viktor Troicki in a big way to take home the big prize.

Dude, at 18, I was forgetting to pay my parking tickets and devoting 76% of my time to surveying the orientation of rock posters on my wall. Nishikori totally kicks me arse!

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AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Kei Nishikori

February 18th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen


Name: Kei Nishikori

Age: 18

Occupation: Professional tennis player

Known for: becoming the first Japanese man to win an ATP title in 16 years by beating James Blake 3-6, 6-1, 6-4 in the Delray Beach International Championships final on Sunday, winning eight consecutive matches before that, being the youngest player to win a title since Lleyton Hewitt did it in ’98, movin’ on up in the rankings from 244 to 122, hitting “cold winners.”

Congratulasians, Kei! We hope to see you kick ass in a major soon!

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SPORTS ILLUSTRASIAN: Notes from the Down Underground

January 23rd, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen
Zhang Jie and Yan Zi, 2006 Australasian Open doubles champs


The quarterfinals at the Australasian Open were not kind to the Williams sisters this year. First Serena was knocked out of the singles competition by Serbian Jelena Jankovic in straight sets, then Serena and Venus lost in doubles to Chinese duo Yan Zi and Zheng Jie, and, finally, Venus, who’s never won this Slam, was defeated in her singles match by another Serb, Ana Ivanovic, also in straight sets. All three losses occurred in the span of 24 hours. Rough day!

Speaking of China, there’s talk of moving the Australian Open, which advertises itself as “The Grand Slam of Asia/Pacific,” to Asia. China, specifically.

Even though the tournament has been held in Melbourne since 1905, I have a feeling I know who’ll win this fight. Perhaps the Aussies should adopt a new mascot…(drumroll)…the Down Underdogs! Okay, that was terrible.

On the subject of top dogs, can anyone beat Roger “The Federator” Federer on this hardcourt?

I’m still not convinced the dude isn’t an evil robot.

And, finally, we’ve noticed a big bump in DISGRASIAN’s traffic since the start of the Australasian Open. Are readers clicking over here for our unique slant on pop culture, sports, and celebutardity? Or our look at the presidential race through yellow-tinted glasses? Or our bitchy knee-jerk reactions to everything from protests of Japanese whaling to human rights in China?

Sadly, no. Many of you have just come for THIS.

THIS.


AND THIS.

So, once again, we’re putting out for you. Why? Cuz underneath our rough, pissed-off exteriors…

…we’re just gals who aim to please.

Happy tennis, pervs!

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BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN!

November 15th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Happy 21st Birthday to Indian tennis player Sania Mirza! You’re currently ranked 27th in the country and you should be proud!

But if we were going to make this birthday celebrasian and exercise in Hardass Asian Parenting, we would say:

Sania. You’re 21. You are no longer a kid, and have no shot at being known as a prodigy or wunderkind. What are you doing with your life? Perhaps if you practice more, you will be ranked 14th (still disappointing), but you should really have your eye on #1. If you don’t think you can do get the top spot, you should just quit and go back to school. If you do, we advise practicing rather than partying tonight. Maybe one day you’ll even be mentioned on Racqonteur, but that site is really only for champions… if ya know what we mean. Anyway, happy birthday.

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Prolly More Than She Wanted to Sharapova

November 1st, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Toyo Shigeta, the head of the Japanese ad agency responsible for Maria Sharapova’s sizzling Canon Powershot ad in 2005, is now the target of a federal lawsuit–he apparently snapped upskirt photos of the tennis vixen to satisfy his icky fetish for crotch snapshots.

Jeez. You’d think with all the options…

…he wouldn’t have to waste any time taking any of those pervy-ass photos himself.

Instead, he chose to violate the princess of Tennis (which our friend at Racqonteur will not be happy about), and we hope he ends up with a racquet up his anus.

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Wanna see the photo? Click here, pervs!

UPDATE: Click here to see why there will be no Sharapova crotch shots at the 2008 Wimbledon.

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BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN!

June 28th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Name: Shinobu Asagoe

Age: 31

Occupation: Professional Tennis Player

Happy Birthday, Shinobu! May you enjoy many advantages, game-set-matches, and career highs in the coming year. In Japan, that is. Since that’s where you live.

We’re missing you at Wimbledon this year…hopefully you’re busy doing tequila drop-shots (definitely not Tila Tequila shots) at your birthday party!

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