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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Even Ninjas Have Bieber Fever

February 14th, 2011 | 3 comments | Posted by Jen

Everyone knows Justin Bieber has a badass bodyguard who’ll fuck you up if you try to harm a hair on the Biebs’ $750 coiffure. Which explains why the various Bieber-hater clans of the Internet resorted to hiring ninjas to infiltrate last night’s Grammys and destroy him.

The mercenaries came to the totally culturally irrelevant awards ceremony armed with throwing stars, poison darts, and their cloaks of invisibility to carry out their mission (and possibly catch a glimpse of Gaga getting hatched from an egg before, a sight not even ninjas get to see every day). But not long after the chorus to Bieber’s hit “Never Say Never” kicked in with “and there’s just no turning back/when your heart’s under attack,” the ninjas hired to kill the 16 year-old pop sensation realized that that was exactly what was happening to them.

Their cold ninja hearts were under attack, besieged with fever…Bieber Fever.

I could fall on him and snap his neck with my bare hands and no one would ever know what happened. But he's just so goddern adorbs! <333

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Filed under: Beliebers, Bieber, Bieber Fans Attack Esperanza Spalding's Wikipedia, Bieber Fans More Deadly Than Ninjas, Bieber Haters, Canadians, Crazy Bieber Fans, Esperanza Spalding, Justin Bieber, Justin Bieber Ninja Backup Dancers, Lady Gaga Hatches From an Egg, Mercenaries, Ninjas, Ninjas Have Bieber Fever, Teen Pop Sensations, the Biebs, The Grammys, Usher, Who the Fuck Says Who the Heck Anyway?

Disgrasian Dictionary

Mutasian –: A recurring archetype in movies and television who does not have speaking lines. Also known as an Ornamental.
Yellowface –: When a non-yellow person wears geisha make-up or slanty eyeliner while speaking mangled English. See also, Racial Drag.
Racial Drag –: Accoutrement and/or affect donned by one race to mimic another. Example: when a white girl wears chopsticks in her hair.
CHINYSTERIA –: The alarmist fear that China is our new enemy and wants to poison our food, eat our dogs, take over the country and force us all to speak Ching-Chong.
ANTI-ASIAN –: n. An Asian who’s aging well. adj. Delaying or lessening the effects of aging by about 10 years, especially on the skin: an anti-asian cream.