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How To Get Olds To Embrace The iPad

April 23rd, 2010 | 4 comments | Posted by Jen

They say the iPad’s target demo is 18-34, but that’s likely to go up after the olds see this video of master pianist and bedhead-giver Lang Lang playing an encore–Rimsky-Korsakov’s “Flight of the Bumblebee”–on it:

Cats, dogs, little children, old people…who doesn’t the iPad entertain? How is that possible? Did Steve Jobs make a deal with the devil? Or is Steve Jobs the devil?

My bank account says yes. But my heart says WANT.

[via HuffPo]
[Magic Piano iPad app]

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Fine, iWant It

April 15th, 2010 | 5 comments | Posted by Diana

Dear Technology God,

I’ve been fighting the iPad.

I said I didn’t need it. I said it wasn’t necessary. I said it was just an $800 splurge for Apple geeks to jerk off to. I said it was a poor-sighted man’s iPhone. Even that hilarious Modern Family episode couldn’t sway me.

I almost convinced myself, too. I think I believed me when I said those things.

But then I saw Iggy the cat playing with a new iPad.





He’s so cute! And he LOVES the iPad! If Iggy gets one, I want one. Please gimme!

Please!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Amen,
Diana

[Apple Store: iPad (US)]

Thanks, Tina!

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The Geisha iPhone App: Useless Applicasians

February 3rd, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

I hate iPhone apps. I only have Facebook and Pandora on my phone, because I don’t want to masturbate all day with it. Isn’t it enough that I simply have a phone? (Remember when Diana prayed to the Technology God to give me an iPhone? Well, it worked. Believe in the power of prayer, kids.) Do I need it to be a harmonica, too? Do I really need it to tell me my mood (answer: no, because I’m usually pissed off) and calculate a tip for me (answer: no, because one should never be too lazy to do simple math)? And can someone please tell me what is so amazing about that stupid chalk man and why I would want to see him dancing around like a bone-less, cracked-out raver? Or what, pray tell, is so cool about making my phone fart?

Grrrrrr.

Whatever. I get that that’s my issue. I guess it’s also my issue that I don’t get the Geisha iPhone app. She’s a geisha! And she dances just for you! Yeah, she dances just for you. Imagine a horrible version of The Robot crossed with Benjamin Button’s glide-step when he was on crutches accompanied by ching-chongy music that will make you seriously contemplate ritual suicide. I know this because I had to buy the damn thing to bag on it and now it’s cluttering my phone and, I fear, my life.

Grrrrrrr. Again.

But why stop at geishas? Why not have a stripper app? Or better yet, a lap dance app? Why not have the iPhone also be a dildo? It already vibrates, so you’re halfway there.

Source

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