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When Royals Collide

October 29th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Prince Charles and Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, visit the Todai-ji temple in Nara, Japan, to celebrate 150 years of diplomatic relasians between Great Britain and Japan

CAMILLA: Charles, dear, who is that gentleman standing next to us in the bathrobe?

CHARLES: You know, dahling, I have absolutely no idear.

CAMILLA: Should we invite him to stand closer for the picture?

CHARLES: No, pet. We’re royals. Also, it’s my understanding that the Japanese have a thing about personal space. Hence all the bowing and whatnot.

CAMILLA: Thank goodness we’re not in another huggy country. Can someone explain to me the obsession with hugging? I find it quite undignified.


CAMILLA: I do like this odd man’s “man-purse,” however. Do you suppose it’s Comme des Garcons?

CHARLES: “Man-purse”? My dahling, I have not the faintest idear–

CAMILLA: (exasperated) That messenger bag he’s wearing. The one with the polka dots.

CHARLES: Ah, yes, right. It’s just, when you said the words “man-purse,” I thought you were talking about, erhm, you know.

CAMILLA: I’m terribly sorry, love, but I have simply not a clue as to what you’re implying.

CHARLES: Well. It’s one of my many pet names for your, erhm, you know…your woohoo.

CAMILLA: Oooooooh! My man-purse. Charles! Really.

CHARLES: You know, where you keep your, erhm, Tampax. And, dare I say, some of my things.

CAMILLA: Dear, I believe you mean “thing.” Your thing. Your thick, juicy–

JAPANESE GUY IN “BATHROBE”: Please for the love of Buddha, somebody take the picture. I just threw up in my mouth and I might kill myself if I listen to any more of this.


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Are You There God? It’s Me, Matina

October 8th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

A new Kumari, or “living goddess,” took the throne on Tuesday in Nepal. The Kumari is the Bottom Bitch of all living goddesses, i.e. she wins. And she’s the only one of them who gets to live in an old, smelly, 15th century temple in Kathmandu. Her name is Matina Shakya, and she is 3 years old. She’s allowed to wear pretty eye makeup and be a deity until she starts to menstruate, at which point Matina must leave the palace and become…an ordinary girl who’s always out of tampons at the most inconvenient hours and can’t wear white pants once a month. Then a new Kumari will be named.

Lucky girls.

Thanks, Jasmine!

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