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Swine Flu, For U And U And Dr. Gupta

September 23rd, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


HORRIFIC!!!

In the irony of all ironies, H1N1 expert and CNN Chief Medical Correspondent Sanjay Gupta recently caught the “swine flu” while covering the war in Afghanistan.

He details the experience on his CNN blog.

And it turns out that, although truly miserable, swine flu ain’t so bad. It’s about as bad as… the flu.

I’ve had the flu. It sucks, but I’ve made it through just fine.

So why the heck have I been so worked up and freaked out about H1N1?? Why did I wear a surgical mask with my fabulous Katy Rodriguez dress to the Emmys? Why did I believe there was a possibility I might turn into a pig and die? WHY???

[CNN: I Went To Afghanistan And All I Got Was H1N1]

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Masturbation and Gay Sex Cause Swine Flu, Apparently

August 11th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Swine flu infections are on the rise in Asia, particularly in India, Thailand, and Vietnam, according to the World Health Organization. But only Malaysia, where 2,252 cases and 38 deaths have been reported since May, has proposed a radical preventative solution: stop masturbating and having gay sex.

These activities apparently make one’s body heat up, become “hyperacidised,” and thus more susceptible to the H1N1 virus, reported Bernama, the Malaysian government’s national news agency.

But get this: “normal sexual union” is perfectly safe! Hurrah! Score another one for heteros!!!

The Malaysian government then went on to state that it also believed the world is flat, gravity does not exist, and unicorns are very, very real.

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Thanks, Jasmine!

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Asia Suddenly Responsible for Swine Flu, But No One Knows How Exactly

June 24th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

U.S. agriculture officials announced recently that, contrary to previous reports, they now believe swine flu originated in Asia, not Mexico.


Wonder how they came to that conclusion? The NY Times reports:

(Federal agriculture officials) emphasized that there was no way to prove their theory and only sketchy data underpinning it.

The first person to carry the flu to North America from Asia, assuming that is what happened, has never been found and never will be, because people stop carrying the virus when they get better.

No proof? Sketchy data? Making an ass out of u and me? Now that’s what I call science!

[NY Times: In New Theory, Swine Flu Started in Asia, Not Mexico]

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Thanks, Jasmine!

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Swine Flu: A Great Excuse for Cuteness

June 11th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

The World Health Organization’s fearless leader, Margaret Chan (who, incidentally, I’m totally fascinated by) just announced that it has raised the alert level of swine flu to Phase 6–making it the first influenza pandemic of the 21st century.

Now before y’all get your antibacterial panties in a bunch, let’s talk about what this alert means. Phase 6 refers to the geographic spread of the flu, not the severity of the ailment. So although it may be reaching out across territories, you’re overall more likely to get killed by a car accident or the regular flu (Hmm. It’s never comforting for someone to say “you’re more likely to get killed…” is it?).

Chan says, “We have good reason to believe that this pandemic will be of moderate severity, and we know from experience that severity can vary on many factors from one country to another.”

So let’s try to relax. And think about more important things.

Like… how now seems to be a perfect time to break out the HELLO KITTY FACE MASKS!!!

Avoiding swine flu, the cute way!

[The Washington Post: WHO Raises Swine Flu Threat Level to Highest Level]

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