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Zimbabwe is kinda the most unpopular kid in school right now, sitting alone at the losers’ table in the cafeteria (world isolation), with the jocks (the U.S. and Britain) constantly trying to take away its lunch money. But even losers make friends eventually, and Zimbabwe found some yesterday in the form of India, Pakistan, Sri Lanka, and Bangladesh. These Asian countries have, in one way or another, suggested that they will oppose any ban of Zimbabwe…in the sport of CRICKET.
I’m sorry…what the fuck is cricket again? Baseball with paddles? Is it kinda like croquet? Which sport was in the movie Heathers? Is there a reason why cricket batters wear so much body armor that they resemble microwaved marshmallows? Cricket players are usually hot, right? But what’s with those sweater vests?
Then again, I suppose, losers can’t be choosers, and Zimbabwe could really use, in the words of the International Herald Tribune, this “cricketing lifeline.” Given that the average life expectancy for Zimbabwean men is 37 and for women, 34, one-fifth of the population has HIV/AIDS, and the country has been plagued by rigged elections, unthinkable inflation, and man-made famine, letting Zimbabwe play ball–or, for that matter, banning them from doing so–seems VERY HELPFUL.