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Daniel Henney Goes Outback Doesn’t Look Like Any Reality Show We’ve Ever Seen [PHOTOS]

April 8th, 2010 | 6 comments | Posted by Diana

In the years since leaving my old development job at a reality television company by saying, “This genre just insults my brain and I can’t do it anymore,” I’ve become a bit of a reality junkie. Funny.

I still don’t watch Survivor or Amazing Race or anything like that, but I never miss an episode of Celebrity Rehab/Sex Rehab/Sober House/Celebrity Addiction Show Rehab* with Dr. Drew. I cry during reruns of Say Yes To The Dress. I actually threw something at the TV in protest of the injustice displayed in the latest Tool Academy graduation ceremony.  I flipped my lid when I met Tim Gunn. I entered a contest to appear on Man Vs. Wild. I’ve watched every Kitchen Nightmares episode–both the awesome British and wacked-out American versions–three times over.

Total junkie!!!

Most reality show talent (not Tim Gunn, for crying out loud, but the sub-average Joes and Janes willing to sacrifice dignity and privacy for a toxic 15 minutes of fame) are hard to look at. It’s trainwrecks doing tequila shots with even ickier trainwrecks, or former teen idols past their prime, or narcissistic celebrities trying to revamp their image–y’know, the intolerable rep cultivated on another reality show.

So when I read on Figgy and Fatty that Daniel Henney was starring in his own reality show for Korean TV, I gasped a worried gasp.  Had he sold himself short? Is the beautiful and nummy Daniel Henney a trainwreck??

Continue reading Daniel Henney Goes Outback Doesn’t Look Like Any Reality Show We’ve Ever Seen [PHOTOS]

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Da Plane! Da Plane! Fantasy Island Gets A Reality Makeover

October 5th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

One of my favorite shows from childhood, Fantasy Island, is being remade…into reality TV. Variety reported today that the new version will center around 12 contestants competing to become the “real-life Mr. or Ms. Roarke,” by making the dreams of guests arriving on a weekly basis come true. Survivor creator Mark Burnett and Sony Pictures TV are behind the show.

Will the reality version of Fantasy Island deal with dark themes as the original did, like rape, suicide, and murder? Or will it be all about leis, suntans, and umbrella drinks?

More importantly, will there be a side(kick) competition to see who gets to be the real-life Mr. or Ms. Tattoo? Could be fun. Could be a hot mess. Let’s just wait and see.

[Variety: Sony, Burnett to visit 'Fantasy Island']

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Oh-Man

May 14th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


Dreamz:

You dicked over Yau-Man. And that is why, at the Survivor: Fiji reunion tonight, you were not only fat, but still broke.

Patooey on you.

xoxo,
Diana

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Yau the Man

May 11th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

I was worried for my man Yau last night on Survivor. After winning the reward challenge (by inexplicably being the best at axe-hurling), Yau gave his reward–a monster F-350 truck–to cheerleading coach Dreamz, the only person on the island without a car.

Dreamz: Wowee Yau-ee! I’ve been whining about needing a car for days.
Yau: My pleasure. He he.

In the process, Yau Man cut a deal with Dreamz that could almost guarantee Yau would make it to the final three. Provided he got to the final four first.

Then, Yau sent HIMSELF to Exile Island, an act without precedent on the show. Instead of bitching and moaning about it, he was a man on a mission, deciphering the last clue to the second immunity idol’s whereabouts.

“Wait a second. Did I just get screwed? All this thinking hurts my head.”

Meanwhile, back at camp, Dreamz realized that he wouldn’t have to hold up his end of the deal if he got everyone to vote Yau off this week. Cassandra, Stacy and Boo, whose bod suddenly got hot…

“I may be hot, but I’m still stupid.”

…went in on the plan together. But they pretended that they were voting off Stacy.

Yet Yau outplayed them once again. Not only did he figure out where the second immunity idol was and let Earl find it, he played his own at tribal council, after getting “bad vibes” at camp.

Stacy had the second-highest number of votes, so she was audi 5000.

“That’s cool, cuz now I, like, can go find what’s living in my unbrushed hair.”

Lesson learned? Don’t fuck with Yau. He’s smarter than all of you.

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Surviving

May 4th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


The reward challenge on last night’s Survivor: Fiji was downright foul. The sadistic fucks over on Bula Bula island had to mouth-yank chunks of meat off of a hanging pork pile, run a couple of yards, and drop as much as they could onto a plate.

Uh… what?

The best part of this, of course, was watching the swinging meat hunk smack that sketchy-boring-pretty-blahblah-weakling-Asian-zzZzZzz Stacy in the face during every cutaway. Pow! Yes!

Throughout the episode, we were all sure to see if Alex, the last manipulative brat of the Four Horsemen, would be packing his bags… until he almost turned the entire group on another player:


…Yau-Man.

But the Alliance couldn’t–nay, wouldn’t–turn on their trusty friend. Oh, he’s a wiley Amazian–never screwing anyone over, always doing adorable things. Now he’s pretty much unstoppable (first and foremost, he’s gotta have too much pride to let anyone named “Dreamz” or “Boo” or even “Stacy” take him out, for Chrissake).

So they screwed up. If he was ever gonna go down, they should have done it last night. Fools! That, my friends, is why my man Yau-Man is gonna wreck these folks and take home the million. Mark my words.

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Well, It’s Not "Wookie": Addendum

April 27th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Like Jen, I too happily bid buh-bye to Mookie Lee, despicable third member of super-aggro-sausage-party alliance The Four Horsemen, from the fateful island of Survivor: Fiji. Incidentally, I was inspired to reach out to Mr. Lee and send him off with a message:


DEAR MOOKIE,

YOU SUCK. AND THIS IS WHY YOU HAD TO GO:

1) Mookie is not your real name. Oh come on. It’s Seung or Jin, isn’t it? Why you frontin’?

2) Even if Mookie is your real name, Mookie is a LAME, inelegant, pansy-ass name. It doesn’t have the suave, cucumber-cool cadence of a name like, say, Yul.

3) That fiery, vengeful hex you tried to put on Cassandra after she sent you to Exile Island was freakin’ scary. All that fire and brimstone made you look like a soulless, angry maniac. Nobody likes angry maniacs.

4) You’re grumpy, and you derive joy from making people miserable. That’s Disgrasian City, dude! You’ve clearly lived there for awhile!

5) After breaking into his stuff and rifling through his bag (any woman worth her Chanel can tell you that this is an offense punishable by death) YOU TRIED TO BLACKMAIL [AMAZIAN] YAU-MAN. What the hell is wrong with you, freak? Who dropped you as a child? Were you never given candy? Did you never play at recess? You’re a bully, and bullies are sad.

6) Jen and I can’t stop making fecal references when you come up. For about a thousand different reasons.

You won’t be missed!

Hugs and Kisses,
Diana

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AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK!

April 16th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Name: Yau-Man Chan

Age: 54

Occupation: Computer Engineer

Known for: multiple Science degrees, tenure at Cal, ability to make everyone on Survivor appear horny, impatient, and stupid

Bottom line: Smart is hot. Go get that million, baby. Yau the Man!!!

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In a Bitchfight, Always Put Your Money on the Girl Named Stacy

April 13th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Tonight on Survivor, the Asian Bitchfight went down as predicted, and Stacy, pictured below, prevailed over dreadlocked pipsqueak Michelle.


Which made me fondly remember that girl Stacy. You know, the chick in high school with the green eyeliner and matching but totally ravaged green nails, who worshiped Judas Priest and “Sabbath” and was a rising star in Yearbook until the 20 year-old boyfriend with the Z28 made her allergic to all school-sanctioned activity, who spent lunch smoking in the Smokers’ Courtyard, who stole, chewed with her mouth open, hocked loogies, wore rings on every finger for the sole reason of clawing off someone’s face in a fistfight, went on the pill in 8th grade yet still had an abortion, maybe two, who always flipped you the bird sideways, who was the first person you’d ever known to wear leather pants, and wear them beautifully, in fact, so that the fallacy that leather pants look good on everyone and not just rock stars began to rot your mind like mad cow, so that long after you’d forgotten all about Stacy, eons after high school, you find yourself in a fluorescenty Gap dressing room in downtown New York on a wet Indian summer day, trying on a pair of brick-red, made-in-China pigskin–as in footballs–leather pants, thinking, Leather pants are so bitchin’, except you unwittingly say this out loud, which sends Brianne scurrying over, oh she of the perfect folding and Midwestern sing-song, a relentless salesperson and future drunk, in leather pants herself, but in brown because it goes with everything, Brianne who is not Stacy, who is not you, wearing a red football with legs and a zipper, sweating for dear life.

That said, Survivor Stacy ain’t that Stacy either. But good luck, girl!

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Survival of the Asianest: A Great Leap Forward for Asian Sistahood

April 12th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Last week on Survivor, determined-not-to-be-Disgrasianed Yau Man was the only person who successfully threw a spear at a target to win his tribe immunity. Everyone else on both teams was utterly useless.

BooYau!

But the most interesting thing that happened was how Michelle secretly turned against Stacy. Just to be clear…

…Michelle is on the left and Stacy on the right. Don’t ask me who the guy in black face is in the middle.

I was feeling a bit guilty for calling Michelle and Stacy “a couple of frivolous chicks that I seriously can’t tell apart yet” two weeks ago, but then Michelle echoed my sentiment last week:

“Me and Stacy are kinda carbon copies of each other when it comes down to function. I don’t think there’s enough room for the both of us.”


“No, I’m the Pretty Asian One.”

“No, I am.”

“Are not!”

“Am too!”

Look for one of these bitches to claw the other’s eyes out tonight!

Source: CBS

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Survival of the Asianest

March 30th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Any of you remember Yul Kwon, winner of last season’s Survivor: Cook Islands (the “race” show)? He went to Stanford, got a law degree from Yale, and so dominated the game both physically and mentally that he was voted an almost unanimous winner by fellow contestants. AMAZIAN.

Early in the game, Yul was banished to “Exile” Island, where he found the much sought-after Immunity Idol, which protected him from eliminasian and ultimately helped him to win. Determined not to let an Asian Mastermind take over the show again this season, Survivor producers have cast a pushover named Mookie, a couple of frivolous chicks that I seriously can’t tell apart yet, and Yau Man, a computer engineer-patsy:

Yau Man is your classic 98-lb weakling, with buckteeth and a sketchy command of English. I am 100% sure he tried to smuggle a pocket-protector on the island as a luxury item, the way other people bring in floss and chapstick. The other contestants make fun of him because he’s puny and old and because his name is “Yau Man.” He’s constantly, to use Survivor vernacular, on the chopping block. He’s set-up to be a total Disgrasian, only…

…guess who found the Immunity Idol last night, bitches?

Suck it, Haters!

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