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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! The ‘Asianate Yourself’ Facebook App

March 11th, 2011 | 3 comments | Posted by Jen

So, there’s this Facebook app called “Asianate Yourself,” where you can make yourself Asian, which some people find offensive, especially since the app was created by a Hong Kong-based soy sauce company that should know better, but as people who came into this world already “Asianated,” can we just say that we totally get it?

I mean, if people wanna be us, I can’t blame them. If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em, right?

That said, the Asianate app sucks balls. For one thing, there’s nothing “Urban Asian” about sumo. Actually I have to admit that I don’t even know what “Urban Asian” means. Is that, like, as opposed to “Jungle Asian,” like Diana (yes, I know this is a slur but Diana’s owning it so maybe you should too)? Or is “Urban” the roundabout way of saying “Morbidly Obese” when applied to Asians, the way it’s the roundabout way of saying “Black” when applied to African-Americans?

And that’s the other thing. Why would you Asianate yourself right into Body Dysmorphic Disorder? Asianated people can’t deal with that shit. None of our Asianated aunties–who’d be the first to tell us at our family reunions we’ve gotten fat–would approve.

What they would approve of, however, is Asianating yourself into…

Our boyfriend Daniel Dae Kim!

Continue reading DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! The ‘Asianate Yourself’ Facebook App

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BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN!

April 17th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Happy 34th birthday to sumo wrestler Kaihō Ryōji (pictured left)! We hope you enjoy many big, strong, sturdy hugs from other big, strong, sturdy dudes to celebrate the big day.

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BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN!

September 27th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Happy 27th birthday, Asashoryu Akinori! You’ve already attained the highest sumo rank of yokozuna, so we wish you continued success and many future smooshings of other large men.

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Wrestler On the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown

August 6th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

The AP reported yesterday that Mongolian sumo star Asashoryu is on the verge of a nervous breakdown, according to a psychiatrist. Asashoryu, née Dolgorsuren Dagvadorj, has been depressed since being suspended from competing in two tournaments by the Japan Sumo Association. The Ass-ociation has its sumo-diapers in a wad because Asashoryu did not compete in its summer exhibition tour, citing injuries, and, instead, did an unconscionably selfish thing–play a soccer match for charity in his native Mongolia. And now the Ass-ociation, who is cutting the wrestler’s pay by thirty percent, won’t even let Asashoryu leave Japan during his suspension. I always thought sumo kinda sucked, but now I know why.

Click here for full story.

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I Am Seriously At a Loss for Words

April 29th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

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You Say Sumo, And I Say Fat

April 10th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

I do not know how I missed the U.S. Sumo Open in Los Angeles this past weekend. I’m certain that I was very busy doing something of the utmost importance that made it totally impossible for me to attend.




I don’t know if I should be freaked out by this last photo or just say “Aw!”

Also…


…what’s that 98-lb white guy in the shades (on left) doing in this picture?

Source: Reuters

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Sumo Wrestlers Love Rugby

March 30th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Rugby fans convened in Hong Kong this week for the Sevens rugby tournament. A few notable sumo wrestlers took time out of their oily schedules to attend:

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