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Tea Party Candidate Sharron Angle Can’t Tell Latinos And Asians Apart

October 18th, 2010 | 7 comments | Posted by Jen

I am Chi-i-nese if I ple-ease

When questioned last week by members of the Hispanic Students’ Union at Rancho High School in Las Vegas about why her anti-illegal immigration campaign ads seemed to single out Latinos, Nevada Senate hopeful and Tea Party-approved candidate Sharron Angle told the all-Latino crowd that she couldn’t tell the difference between Latinos and Asians.

“I think that you’re misinterpreting those commercials,” Angle said. “I’m not sure that those are Latinos in that commercial. What it is, is a fence and there are people coming across that fence…

…I don’t know that all of you are Latino. Some of you look a little more Asian to me. I don’t know that.”

When her comments were met with skepticism (listen here), Angle forged ahead, waxing inclusive about America as a “melting pot”:

“What we know, what we know about ourselves is that we are a melting pot in this country. My grandchildren are evidence of that. I’m evidence of that. I’ve been called the first Asian legislator in our Nevada State Assembly.”

Which sounded a lot like she was claiming to be Asian. Or Latino. Or…well, hell, who can tell the difference?

But after Angle found herself the butt of jokes Monday morning, her spokesperson Jarrod Agen accused Angle’s opponent Harry Reid of playing “racial politics” and attempted to clarify Angle’s earlier statement:

Continue reading Tea Party Candidate Sharron Angle Can’t Tell Latinos And Asians Apart

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DISGWITTER OF THE WEAK! @SarahPalinUSA And Her “Refudiations”

July 19th, 2010 | 2 comments | Posted by Jen

After telling President Obama that he should “refudiate” the NAACP for calling the Tea Party racist and advising “peaceful” Muslims via Twitter that they should “refudiate” plans to build a mosque near Ground Zero, Sarah Palin was roundly mocked for her refudiation of the English language, which led to her refudiating her refudiators and likening her penchant for malapropism to…Shakespeare.

As lovers of The Made-Up Word ourselves, we’re not ones to refudiate Sarah Palin. But because we’re a caring people, we’d like to kindly suggest that, from now on, Palin take a page from her beloved Tea Party’s handbook to avoid future embarrassment:

[photo via NY Daily News]
[Sarah Palin on Twitter]

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Don’t Make Fun Of Rady Gaga!!!

June 4th, 2010 | 13 comments | Posted by Diana




Gawker writer Adrian Chen wrote a most amusing “Compendium of Unnecessary Lady Gaga Eccentricities” last week, which included observations like: “Lady Gaga thinks ghosts are real and they are haunting her. She spent $4,000 on ghost hunting equipment because she was worried of “Bad energy” infecting London’s O2 stadium.”

Look, I hate the Gaga. I think she’s a poseur. And I know all of you aren’t with me on this but–wait, did I just write that a guy named Adrien CHEN penned a piece slamming a POP STAR? What the FUCK??!?!?

OH THANK GOD. A charming reader–er, leader–named Kenny Tarr–wait, Tall!–already wrote in a complaint.





We absorutery aglee. An Itarian supel-stal who has been in “American” for at reast 100 yeals (wow, Germanotta is older than we thought!”) has evely light to be in this countly! Evelyone knows that AMERICAN berongs to the Itarians!!! Just don’t tell the Native Amelicans and Mexicans!

HOW DARE this Chinaman comment? HOW DARE HE????

[Gawker: When Racist Lady Gaga Fans Attack]

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DISGWITTER OF THE WEAK! Where Is #TeamAsianGirls?

April 19th, 2010 | 5 comments | Posted by Jen

Poking around Twitter last night, a few Trending Topics caught my eye.

Of course, my first reaction was, “WTF? Where’s #TeamAsianGirls?” And I felt a little sad, you know? Like that anxious, sweaty, picked-last-in-gym-class kinda sad?

But sometimes, not being a team player can be a good thing.

Like a relieved, wiping sweat off my brow, oh-right-the-internet-is-overrun-by-racists-and-pervs-how-could-I-forget kinda good thing.

To see what I mean, click here to see the results for #TeamBlackGirls. Here for #TeamSpanishGirls. Here for #TeamMixedGirls. Here for #TeamWhiteGirls. But be warned: racism, misogyny, and bad spelling abound.

[DISGRASIAN, aka #TeamAsianGirls, on Twitter]

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The (Tea Party) Revolution Will Not Be Spelled Correctly

April 2nd, 2010 | 12 comments | Posted by Jen

You know those people who automatically assume you don’t speak English or say “Wow! Your English is really good” when it’s obvs your first language or the people who never seem to be able to understand what you’re saying even though you basically speak the Queen’s English and the OED is, like, your favorite book?

I’m pretty sure those are the same dumbasses who wrote these Tea Party protest signs (via Pargon’s flickr under “Teabonics”):

Continue reading The (Tea Party) Revolution Will Not Be Spelled Correctly

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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Hak-Shing William Tam

January 22nd, 2010 | 4 comments | Posted by Diana

Hak-Shing William Tam, secretary of the Christian Evangelical Group called American Return to God Prayer Movement and official California Prop 8 Backer, testified as a hostile witness yesterday in the lawsuit to overturn the ban on same-sex marriage.

Hak-Shing William Tam

In a piece published today on the galvanizasian of Bay Area Chinese evangelicals in opposition to same-sex marriage, the NYT discussed Tam’s testimony,which was solicited by plaintiff’s attorneys to prove the success in passing Prop 8 was “born of virulent homophobia.” Though Tam refused multiple requests for an interview, the Times highlighted a selection from one of his widely-distributed Web essays, which basically argues that “acceptance” of homosexuality kicks off multiple slippery slopes to mass destruction.

From NYT:

In a macro environment in which homosexuality is gradually accepted as being normal, child molesting by gays is gradually being viewed as normal in academia. Children who were subjected to sexual abuse only know to socialize with other men through sex. When they grow up, they would do the same to other children by molesting children of the same sex. Therefore, gay people grow in numbers even as most of them do not have children of their own.”

On the stand, his tone did not waver. HuffPo commented on some of his testimony:

Continue reading DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Hak-Shing William Tam

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Miss Teen Dumbass

October 22nd, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Reigning Miss Teen Louisiana, Lindsey Evans, lost her crown yesterday–11 days early–after she dined ‘n’ dashed with three female friends in Bossier City, LA over the weekend but FORGOT HER PURSE IN THE RESTAURANT. Which, in addition to her ID, ALSO CONTAINED A BAG O’ WEED. (The bill, by the way, was $46.07 for 4 people.)

This is just lazy and stupid. Leaving your purse at a restaurant where you skip out on the check? That’s shamefully poor planning. Forgetting your bag of weed anywhere? What the hell kinda stoner is she? She either hasn’t smoked enough to understand its value or she’s smoked way too much to remember anything; whatever the case may be, her little pea-brain clearly can’t afford it. Also, what sort of pretty white girl can’t charm her way out of getting busted for not paying an inexpensive check and carrying a little bag of pot in her purse?

The only good news for Lindsey is that she won’t be needing brain cells in the future, where she hopes to become a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader. On second thought, I’m sure she’ll find a way to fuck that up, too. High-kicking in white boots and your underwear does require some basic motor skills and coordination.

Check out her mugshot. She looks like Tracy Flick’s dumb cousin whom Tracy is ashamed of and refuses to acknowledge in school:


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Get Outta My Waysian, It’s My Goddamn Birthdaysian

October 20th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

What’s up, party people!!!

Today is my birthday! So far, the best part of the day has been: being met after my birthday coffee and birthday lox & bagel with boxes and boxes of birthday Sprinkles cupcakes, hand-delivered to me by pretty blonde birthday ladies.

The worst part, however, was… finding out that I share my birthday with Michelle Malkin.

Unhappy Birthdaysian Discovery

WHAT!?!?! THE DISGRACE! THE HORROR! (Also, shouldn’t she be a heckuvalot cooler if all of the stars and moon and shit are aligned?)

If she doesn’t switch birthdays (might I suggest 9/11?) pronto, I’m cracking skulls.

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Voter Engagement Isn’t Kim-Possible

September 16th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana
Kylie (left) and Kendall (right) Jenner show their support
for half-sis Kim Kardashian (center) in Beverly Hills

KYLIE: I’ll vote for you, Kim!

KENDALL: I’ll vote for you, too!

KIM: That’s great. I think I’m a Republican. No, a Democrat. No, a hermaphrodite! Oh, I don’t really know. I don’t really care.

KYLIE: You’re a hermaphrodite?

KENDALL: I knew it!

KIM: I learned about one of those in school. Hermaphrodite means, “goddess of love.”

KYLIE: Uhmm… yes, that’s absolutely right.

KENDALL: I want to be a goddess of love!

KIM: Kendall, focus! We’re getting out the vote! Vote for Kim! Vote for Kim!

KYLIE: Kim, we’re not even old enough to vote. We’re not eighteen.

KENDALL: That didn’t stop us from filming our own Girls Gone Wild tape.

KYLIE: That was different. You were nine. I was eleven. We were young and stupid then.

KENDALL: Talk about stupid. You’re stupid. We’re not voting for the President. We’re getting people to vote for Kim on Dancing With the Stars.

KYLIE: You’re stupid!

KENDALL: YOU’RE STUPID!!!

KIM: Girls, girls. Settle down! You’re related to me–odds are, you’re both stupid!

KYLIE: Aw.

KENDALL: Really?

KIM: No, no, that’s GOOD! Trust me. Stupid is sexy. That’s why we all have careers. That’s why you’re on TV! That’s why that secretary lady is running for President! People love stupid!

KYLIE: Are you talking about Sarah Palin?

KENDALL: She’s John McCain’s Vice Presidential nominee.

KIM: What are you talking about?

KYLIE: The secretary lady.

KIM: When in doubt, go “sexy secretary.” That’s what Reggie always says.

KYLIE: That doesn’t make a ton of sense to me.

KENDALL: Me neither.

KIM: Shut up and wear the shirts, you skinny bitches. Do the walk I showed you.

KENDALL: I know you taught us the “make your butt look less jiggly” walk, but neither of us really have much butt to jiggle.

KIM: JUST DO IT!

KYLIE: What are we supposed to say, again? “There goes that glass ceiling?”

KENDALL: No! “Vote for Kim! Vote for Kim!”

KIM: There we go, girls!!! Like sister, like sister. When you grow up, you should be just like me.

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Thanks, Jen!

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Why the Hasian?

April 25th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

David Tuason, a Filipino man pushing 50 in Cleveland, OH, has plead “not guilty” to charges of writing hateful, racist letters to Black Americans (often after they were spotted with white women) over the past twenty years.

The official charges: two counts of transmitting threatening interstate communications and six counts of mailing threatening communications. Targets included Clarence Thomas and Derek Jeter.

The Associated Press reports:

The FBI says Tuason wrote threatening letters over two decades, often targeting black men who were seen with white women. The letters dated to the late 1980s, seemed to stop in the early 1990s, but started again later that decade.

FBI agents found Tuason a few months ago when he started sending messages via e-mail instead of U.S. mail, authorities said.

My goodness. As if being a narrow-minded, repulsive, racist prick (fine, alleged) isn’t stupid enough–Tuason shows that idiocy knows no bounds by getting busted in the most obvious way possible. Thank god for his lack of intellect. I’m thrilled that his DISGRASIAN brain didn’t think he could possibly be traced through electronic mail. When has that ever happened?

On another note, I’m pysched that this psycho is behind bars for now–but why do I feel ashamed?

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Thanks, Jasmine!

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A Threat to Internal Affairs: Tony Romo

December 13th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

If you are an avid reader of DISGRASIAN, you may have picked up through the f’ball talk that Jen and I are supposed to be at war. She is a lifetime Cowboys fan and I a Steelers devotee. If you don’t know/care about the NFL, just know that Pittsburgh and Dallas are longtime rivals. Ne’er are the two meant to be friendly-like, not in the 70s, not in the 90s, and not now.

From birth, I remember hating the Cowboys. Their clean white uniforms, the big blue star. The rivalry was just in my blood, because my blood runs black and gold.

But something happened over a few years ago. I realized that Jen is always going to be a Cowboys lady, and she is so with such conviction, and I love Jen, and I like football fans, so I had to really respect her devotion. She also supported my team when we went to the Super Bowl in 2006, which caused our solidarity to grow even more. Hate became “respectful and civil not-hate”, though I couldn’t quite admit it out loud or to my family.

And then came Tony Romo.

I first saw Tony “A Place for Ribs” Romo on the field as he helped smash the joy of the Colts in November of ’06. He made Peyton Manning sad, and that made me happy. Who was this guy? Why did he have such a friendly-looking smile? Would he make Peyton Manning say “fuck!” in frustration again? If so, I’d be happy to watch.

And this season I’ve watched more Cowboys games than I ever have. On a good day, Romo is so damn impressive–he looks so great in the pocket that I wonder if he has eyes on the back of his head (but that would kinda be cheating, which is more of The Patriots’ strength). On a bad day, he’s humble, apologetic, and overly thankful to his team for helping to save his sorry ass. Basically, he’s an all-around nice guy, and the Cowboys are doing great this year, and as much as I can’t believe I’m gonna say it, I’ve started liking the Cowboys. Yup, that’s right. The deal has been sealed by the young Mr. Romo.

So it was with great disappointment that I discovered that the alleged relationship–which I long denied–between Sir Romo and that awful, disgusting, stupid, pointless, useless, irrelevant celebutard Jessica Simpson has now been confirmed, if only by the paparazzi photos of him joining her family to pick her up from Burbank airport this weekend.

YEEEEEEEUCH!

This is way more intense than y’all think. And so I’ve got a little message for the douche–er, dude:

Dear Tony Romo,

What’s up? How are you? Is there any way you can get your hands on a Cowboys starter jacket circa 1982 for my friend Jen? Her brother has a bitchin’ one that he won’t let her wear, but she really wants one and would wear it every day. Just a thought!

Anyway! Jen and I are really good friends, and we write this blog DISGRASIAN together, we’re writing partners, yknowwhatimean? We’ve always agreed about almost everything, except I’m a Pittsburgh fan (sorry) and she loves you guys. Which is cool, we’ve built a bridge over a number of years, and we now collectively support both teams AND remain friends. It’s a beautiful thing.

But here’s the thing, and this is where you get incolved. You are threatening this bridge and this friendship and this partnership. You could be the end to DISGRASIAN.

Why?

Because I cannot with good conscience be a fan of you if you are dating Jessica Simpson. It’s gross, and it’s lame, and I worry that if you think that much with your dumb dick, you’re never going to be able to take home a Super Bowl ring. Just a thought.

So please, please, please end this now. It’s early enough to just nip it in the bud, and I think it’ll be better for you overall. Just think of the good you’ll be doing, the lives you’ll be helping. You don’t want to KILL DISGRASIAN, do you? You don’t want to END WHAT IS SUPPOSED TO BE A LIFELONG FRIENDSHIP, DO YOU????

Oh good.

Then have a great post-season.

xoxoxoxoxox!
Diana

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Bogus Book Club

August 22nd, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

OK! Magazine has released a number of staged awkward zzzZzZZexclusivezzZZZzz and zzZZznewsbreakingzzZZZzZzz rehab photos of Lindsay Lohan doing something unfamiliar: pretending to read a book.

Why do all of the celebutards do this? They act like they know how to read and write, almost as if they know which direction their eyes should travel over text:

“We love boobs! Shit. Books! Whatever!”

Here’s the thing. I knew their kind in high school– they flirted with the Biology teacher, copied History outlines off of skinny boys, and celebrated–CELEBRATED–when they got a B (even those scarred with a “-”) on a test. Worst of all, as a reward for their mediocrity, their parents doled out money for infrequent A’s, and let them go out with their friends on the weekend even if they hadn’t finished their homework. All while I had my ass parked on a desk chair in my bedroom, staring at my Calculus homework and listening to The Jam, hoping to God I wouldn’t ever receive a “Most Improved Student” award because to my parents it represented once-upon-a-time failure. I knew my weekends sucked. I knew my life sucked. It took me years, well after buying my “Honk If You Love Pynchon” bumper sticker, to realize that something else sucked too: these effin’ bitches.

I leave their shit to them: they can keep their exposed poontangs, and their mug shots, and their multiple DUIs, and their ugly Kitson dresses, and their fluctuating weight, and their mind-bogglingly stupid interview bites.

So just leave me and my books alone.

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